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hi.
i know i don't owe anyone an explanation with regards to deactivating my social media accounts for 2 months already, but i wanted you to know about what happened to me, and why i decided to shutdown for a while.
i'm rinnah, 28 yrs old, and i'm living in KSA for going 2 years already. i flew here to keep my promises not only to the CEO of the company that i'm currently in, but also my promise to my father. it was 3 years ago when my parents observed my life after my breakup, and they told me that it is not getting better. they told me that even though the breakup was a long time ago, but i'm still looking at nowhere and cannot find my jolly face at all, that's when my father decided that they will give me 3 months to be better and if nothing happens, i will go to my sister in Riyadh, that obviously why i'm here now. i went to Riyadh in December 2022 as a Family tourist, i gave up my work in the Philippines as a Tax and Compliance for the promise that I approved of. When I was here last 2022, my sister's boss, and now my boss, knew that I came already on their country and invited me to his office, he talked to me first in a casual thing and drove into a professional question. until it come up on the situation where i need to choose between to positions which is operational position or data analysis, of course that time, i don't have work and decided to choose data analyst position.
a month later, my sister, her family, and i flew back to the Philippines and i promised the CEO to come back after how many months. but then something happened to my father and my stay in the Philippines got extended. When I assured that my father has been recovered, i decided to come back, though it's very painful, but i need to keep my promise and at least to provide some money for my father's medication. i came back in KSA last june 2023.
i can say that my stay here at first was a smooth thing, i did not feel any signs of homesickness because i always talk to my family everyday, and i can stay and live alone without getting attention from the others. not until my last months here, which is 3 months ago.
i can honestly say that i've dated 2 different nationality in my stay here (not at the same time), both of them i met at the office, of course. first was a Saudi, though the communication is quite hard but i can manage anyway, but what i find unnecessary is our time of talking, i ended up with him because i want someone to be there or talked to (though that time i have people that i called "friends") privately, but i can say is he is a good person. the second person was a Jordanian, the care and attention that i was looking was met on this person. but it is just a temporary relationship because his family was already looking for a muslim wife for him. i know some of the people will asked me why i settled for the situation like this, but my answer will always be "i don't know." we were good for each other that time until we decided to be just friends. yes, i stayed up until that set up.
by these times of my life, my so-called-friends knew about some of the details about these people. if they asked me, i will answer in a short way, but i never told them the whole story. i told them because i wanted them to feel that i'm fine, and in where am i going, and they informed me at first to tell them where will i go so that they will be notified. they treated me as a younger sister before, and i fully trusted them that time.
something happened on last december 2024, i was informed by someone that i am spreading a news about me and the Jordanian. my "friends" even informed that person that the news that i'm spreading was about us (the Jordanian) having s**. no one informed me about this except that person, and i remember i was crying out in the office bathroom for like 30 minutes. i don't know what to do, but i end up messaging my sister (which is in Germany now). to make the story short, they framed me that i'm spreading a news about my relationship and those "friends" informed someone and not informed directly to me.
i stopped talking to them when this thing happened, i got mad of course, it takes a lot of motivation for me to confront the person who started the fire, in my 28 years of living here, this was the very first time that i confront a person, and when that happened, it ended up blaming me for everything, even if she mentioned some things that i never knew existed. that night, after the confrontation, i packed my things and moved to another accommodation immediately. after this, i tried my best to stay as professional as i am at work, i can still fail sometime, but i tried to put my chin up and say nothing, and cry when i get home. i shutdown my world in an instant, and when the Jordanian decided to stop talking to each other, i just say yes. painful? more than you could ever imagined.
until now i can still hear them saying things about me in the office, or reminiscing those situations turning into a joke in the office so that i can hear them being proud of what they are doing, and decided not to do anything about it at all. after confrontation, i decided to silenced my mouth, my surroundings, that also came up with a plan to temporary shutdown my social media. i am only talking to my bestfriends in the Philippines and to my family.
i've had enough already.
this situation made me completely decided to go back to the Philippines after my contract finished, because i find myself that i'm too soft for this kind of living. i know that this happened to me will make me strong, but i will not continue my journey for staying with these kind of people.
i've had a lot of life lessons when i've experienced it, lot of regrets, and lot of trust that has been vanished. i become more sensitive on those people, specially to my countrymen, really, i did not expect that i will experience the crab mentality of the filipinos, which i'm NOT very proud of.
so yeah, this is the story.
