Here For Words @hereforwords-blog - Tumblr Blog

1.30

i’ve felt my feet rip off and soak away into this black and queer Atlantic drown themselves under this ocean of forgotten blood mapped by mati filled trade boats leading to the earth they once called home. maps now lost under the weight of 600 paged textbooks. call it history. call it lost. call it fetish. call it unnatural.

now i drag myself with tattered hands for feet on the streets of Lahore with the rest of my body lost inside an airplane resting on an Atlantic who’s grown hunched with a burden of body parts

#poetry #queer #diaspora #queer diaspora #gender #atlantic #queer atlantic #30/30

13.14

lift arm lift hand lift head

please don’t do this i know the healthiest this for me to do is leave because i don’t understand this pain but i guess i’m just scared drop head drop hand drop arm

i’m not sure why i’m depressed i’ve never really thought about dying? before. it just feels like, not me? like i can’t control these thoughts like, a spasm or a puncture like, like a voodoo doll

raise elbow lift arm to the side crack and turn hand around fist and hold

i don’t think we should be dating i don’t want to be a burden because I'm scared you’ll drop me?

look at arm

yeah, i know i’ve been cutting i just don’t want to tell you that your mouth holds a knife to my arm and i cry after each slice of a scream i didn’t mean to make you mad

hit myself im sorry im sorry im sorry

i say stupid things sometimes i don’t know how to handle this your depression anxiety anorexia self harm you is it evil to say i am scared of you?

where do u press the needle when i ask if we can break up?

needle movement

i know that you’ve said if i leave you’d jump out your window like you tried when you were 15 the suicide story you told me when i first insisted we stop dating perhaps, you should at least visit a therapist?

head down

i’m visiting a therapist now actually i’ve seen a few they tell me strange things they say that you abused me?

lift arm lift hand lift head

please don’t do this i know the healthiest this for me to do is leave because i don’t understand this pain but i guess i’m just scared

noose movement

over you worried is a better word i care a lot i don’t want to see you depressed or hurt i don’t want to see you cut you don’t need a therapist we’ll do this together we’ll take care of each other i trust you and i’ll do anything for you

hang myself

#my poetry #poetry #suicide #depression #abuse

11.14

i think of life as a shattered glass piece pointed at my neck and i struggle with willing to just plunge myself forward but instead i just arouse the idea by letting the blood drip from the cut it gave

and i don’t think anyone can really save me because there’s a fuckin’ cage locked around me i think this is some metaphor about opening up to others

but i wouldn’t really know because only God knows what i’m going through after all He breathed my life into existence

but i wonder if he gasps at mine like He’s choking on glass

#poetry #suicide #depression #30/30 #14/14

7.14