First love/late spring

[herlostlover]

The silence depressed me. It wasn't the silence of silence. It was my own silence.

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

[herlostlover]

I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[herlostlover]

and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.            Especially that, but I should have known. You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together            to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.

Richard Siken

[herlostlover]

Find what you love and let it kill you.

Charles Bukowski

[thewordsyouneverunderstood]

“I am someone who did not die when I should have died.”

— Anne Carson, from Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides (via veinings)

[metamorphesque]

“I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”

— Anaïs Nin, The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4: 1944-1947

[herlostlover]

[herlostlover]

[herlostlover]

[herlostlover]

[herlostlover]

[herlostlover]

All I know is that I've wasted all these

years looking for something, a sort of trophy I'd get only if I really, really did enough to deserve it. But I don't want it anymore, I want something else now, something warm and sheltering, something I can turn to, regardless of what I do, regardless of who I become.

Something that will just be there, always, like tomorrow's sky.

[herlostlover]

I no longer fear vulnerability, no can hurt me more than myself.

[herlostlover]

All I know is that I've wasted all these

years looking for something, a sort of trophy I'd get only if I really, really did enough to deserve it. But I don't want it anymore, I want something else now, something warm and sheltering, something I can turn to, regardless of what I do, regardless of who I become.

Something that will just be there, always, like tomorrow's sky.

[herlostlover]

Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you?

Everyone loves strength, but Do you love me for my meakness? That is the real test. Do you love me stripped of everything that might be lost, for only the things I will have for ever?

[herlostlover]

How much can you change

and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before it's some kind of murder?

[herlostlover]

How much can you change

and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before it's some kind of murder?