(True Story) - He stared at me in disbelief as I confessed. I told him what I had done, but my voice lacked the sincere contrition that I usually possessed.Ā
āI started edging to help my sex drive come back and I ruined almost immediately. Then I started again, trying to keep the edge on, but pushed through to an orgasm. Then I did it three more times until I was satisfied.āĀ
I did not feel good about what I was saying. There was no pride in it. But I felt disconnected from my body and our present conversation, as if I were watching some other woman say this to her Husband. Poor cunt. He is not going to be pleased with her. Sheās got it coming.Ā
āThree more times?ā He repeated my words, incredulous. āSo how many was that total? Four?āĀ
āSo letās say four and a half.āĀ
āWhat were you thinking?ā
āI still donāt know. I wanted it, so I did it. Iām still confused, myself. It almost felt like the consequences were distant and not guaranteed, and Iād either get out of them or get through them, but that wasnāt as important as the good feelings right then. Iām not sure.ā That sensation of watching someone else speak the words remained.Ā
āIāll grant you that things have been put on the side while weāve all been sick and preparing to host everyone for the party, but this is serious. You know that, right?āĀ
āThank you for telling me. Well firstly, you are no longer allowed to wear that,ā he gestured to my knee-length summer dress. āTake it off. You will be naked for the next 24 hours, except for when others are around or you need to leave the house.āĀ
I stripped my dress off. He surveyed me.Ā
āActually, you are too comfortable naked. No, you will have a uniform. And Iām extending the timeframe. Essentially, you are in detention until you reform. Letās start with a week and see how we do.āĀ
He walked away and returned with one of my most uncomfortable and busty bras. His purchase for me, of course. He tossed it to me and I put it on. Next followed the short skirt - no pockets, naturally - and nothing allowed underneath.Ā
āMuch better. You need a reminder that I decide these things for you and that your purpose is to bring me pleasure. This outfit is hot, I like it.ā He groped my tits that spilled out from the too-tight cups, hard.Ā
I adjusted the strap of my bra and mused over my stubborn lack of presence in the moment. I did as he said, but I didnāt feel involved. Would this end with me reformed or ornery? I felt it was a toss up at this point, maybe leaning toward the latter. I was aggravated by the inconvenience and silliness of the outfit. I missed my pretty, soft dress with pockets. Would this method work? If he used too heavy of a hand here in the wrong place, it could cause a rebellion of my spirit. We could end up in conflict instead of working together. Imagine fighting him for power... I shuddered. That would not work out for me. I tried to let the worries go and leave it in his hands to sort out. A week is a long time. He had always been able to handle me before, even when my behavior was much worse in the early stages of my training.Ā
āUnderstand me when I say this is just where we start. After dinner, youāll also kneel on rice for me for four and a half minutes and reflect on what you did and why it was wrong. We will talk it out and see if that can set you straight.āĀ
Ouch. I nodded, and we continued on with the cadence of the eveningās chores and routine. My mind continued to turn, but with each loop I did my best to settle it and trust his process and experience.
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The sky was dark and the late summer crickets chirped so insistently, the closed windows did little to muffle them. I sprinkled rice out on the floor in the dimly lit kitchen and hesitated. āI really donāt want to do this,ā I mumbled.Ā
āThen you should have made better choices. Get down.ā His voice was stern.Ā
I knelt onto the rice. He lifted me up onto my knees so my whole weight pressed down on the hard grains. I winced.Ā
āAlright, now talk to me. What were you thinking?āĀ
I began to recount the events to him again, explaining my desire and how I followed it to try to regain my libido. How I thought it wouldnāt matter that much and that I knew this would help me.Ā I described how mind felt messy, cluttered and distant. I felt like I had been acting out the motions of denial, but not believing my own performance. It was a relief to have those endorphins - to want something and to do it and to get that reward. Why was I waiting? Why was I stopping myself from having that pleasure? It made my headache better. It made me feel satisfied. But in the end, I felt even more disconnected from myself. I didnāt recognize myself in the mirror for that way of thinking and doing, and I knew I needed his help after I had done it. So I had texted him and asked him to help me realign because something was very wrong.Ā
I spilled out honesty at his feet in a messy pile, ugly and scrambled.Ā He listened to me until I stopped speaking. Then he responded.Ā
āYouāre not responsible for maintaining your libido. Does orgasm help you with that? No, it does not. It never has. Edging does. I am responsible for you. You needed to talk with me about what you were trying to do and let me guide you. You donāt act on your own like that. The fact that you did that mental calculus to try to gauge whether obeying me was worth or not it is very concerning.āĀ
āYes, youāre right. Iām sorry.āĀ
āYes, you should be. In fact, Iām surprised that a sorry has come along this late. Just because we have had to prioritize other matters, like your health and hosting a large event, does not mean that our hierarchy here is irrelevant. I am sorry that I have not acted in a way that made you feel that it was there to support you. Thatās why this time weāre spending talking together is important. Shift your weight to the left.ā
āShift. Your. Weight.ā He pushed down on my left shoulder to encourage the motion. The weight of my body crushed down onto the grains under my left knee, grinding them against my kneecap and dimpling my knee painfully.Ā
I whined in pain and bowed my head, gritting my teeth. I could see him smirk out of the corner of my eye. He adjusted his hardening cock in his pants. But he released me and let my balance center again.Ā
āMm. Thatās better. I know youāve been feeling muddled and confused. But your purpose is very simple. You just need a reminder.ā He pulled his cock free and placed the hard tip against my lips. āDonāt fret, I know your throat hurts. You donāt have to take me deep.āĀ
I took him into my mouth. The action felt like a distant memory, yet still familiar. My body fell into the motions without the need for any thoughts. He groaned in pleasure as my lips and tongue caressed him. The deep, primal sound flooded my consciousness with warmth and contentment. I let my eyes close and the pain of the rice grains biting into my skin faded away. He beckoned for me to use my hands, so I cupped his balls with one and stroked his shaft with the other until he leaned his head back.Ā
āVery, very good. Fuck. This is exactly what youāre for.ā He praised me and I reciprocated with an enthusiastic mouth. I had somehow forgotten that this is where pleasure comes from. He is the source of it all. How could I have lost this basic knowledge? The four and a half minute timer rang off on his phone. He silenced it and leaned into me, inching himself deeper into my mouth, enjoying it. He spoke to me in a low voice, full of confidence.Ā
āItās so good to see you back in your place where you belong. It doesnāt matter if you make more money than me, does it?ā He smirked when I mumbled out a ānoā around his cock. āNo, it doesnāt. Good girl. It doesnāt matter that you have your own car. It doesnāt matter that everyone sees you as an independent and capable woman. None of that matters. Because we both know the truth, donāt we? Everything you are and everything you have is mine. Every little bit of you is mine, from your orgasms to every pretty little eyelash and hair on your head. I own you. Shift your weight."
I whimpered in pain with a full mouth as my weight crashed down onto my other knee before I was allowed to return to center. My vision seemed to blur and I tried to meet his intent gaze but struggled to focus. His words washed over me, cleansing me of the mess and confusion. I began to feel cleaner, simpler, softer. The rice under my knees issued a constant dull ache and my own drool dripped from my mouth, down my wrist and forearm, to puddle onto the floor.Ā
He pulled back from my mouth and rubbed his drool-covered cock all over my face. Then he grabbed me by my hair to press my nose into his balls. I looked up at him again from so far below. He smiled at me. It was not a gentle smile.Ā
āInhale. And then take them into your mouth.ā
I obeyed. He jerked off over my face and moaned.Ā
āFuck, yes. Youāre such a whore, look at you down at my feet and below my cock.āĀ
I licked and sucked his balls until the drool dripped down my chin. Would he cum on my face? Or on my tits? My cunt throbbed at the idea. Finally he pulled away and put a hand on my shoulder to press me down onto the rice again, making me wince and cry out.
āI worked very hard to shape you into the dumb little cunt you are, and Iām not about to let that go to waste, do you understand me? Your orgasms are mine and you will only have one when I can benefit from feeling it, watching it, hearing it or being entertained by it. What you did was incredibly selfish.ā He slapped me across the cheek and thrust himself into my mouth and hand again, enjoying the slick mess.Ā
My eyes watered and I nodded my understanding. I did not dare let the pain affect the gentleness of my lips and tongue.
āGood. Are you wet?ā He paused.
I put a hand between my legs and felt little pool of slick there, too. I nodded.Ā
āI thought so. This is your proper place. Youāre done with the rice now.āĀ
He released me and crouched down next to me as I struggled to get up. He brushed the grains from my knees gently while I leaned back onto my heels. I let him tend to me, thanking him for his tenderness. My brain buzzed with endorphins. I felt so calm now that I remembered there was gratification in serving him. I didnāt have to go without satisfaction; I just needed him. I was quietly reflecting when he got up next to me.Ā
He thrust into my mouth again and I accommodated him without complaint. He fucked my mouth and hand, making the most wonderful sounds. My mind floated in clouds of contentment as I listened. I could feel him hardening in my mouth. My excitement grew as I imagined his release shooting down my throat. Then he stopped and told me to stand. He bent me over the countertop, lifted my tiny skirt up over my ass, and pushed himself inside me in a single motion. I was overwhelmed by the sensation of delicious fullness and a moan fell past my lips without restraint.Ā
He swore over and over as he picked up his pace, gripping my hips firmly and rutting into me. I moaned helplessly and gripped the countertop to steady myself against his thrusts. His cock stretched my inner walls over and over again as he pulled my hips back onto his. It had been a while since I had been filled, but it all felt right again. I let go of everything and sank into the act of being fucked in the pursuit of his orgasm and pleasure. This was my purpose, to be a warm wet place for him toāĀ
He pulled out suddenly. I heard him grunt and there was a splatter on the floor. I stood there for a moment, bent over the counter, confused. I looked over my shoulder to see him washing his hands at the sink, his back to me.Ā
āClean it up.ā He said flatly, then turned away to the sink again to dry his hands.Ā
I felt frozen in place, but needed to respond to the command. I looked down slowly and saw his cum spattered on the kitchen tile floor. I felt small, remote.
āHāhow?ā I asked, timidly, but I knew the answer. I clasped my hands together in the hollow of my neck, folding in on myself, wishing I was invisible.Ā
āHow do you think?ā He didnāt look up at me while he dried his hands on the towel.Ā
I felt my eyes sting with the start of tears. I held them back for a moment. I took too long to respond. He looked up at me, expectantly.Ā
āā¦dirtyā¦ā My lip quivered as I spoke. I could feel tears welling up now. My eyes begged him silently: Please. Please donāt make me do this. Please no.Ā
He stared into my eyes, unflinching. āIt is dirty. You earned it. Will you do as I say?ā
I nodded with a choked sob. Tears rolled down my cheeks now. āYes.āI looked down again at his seed spilled out on the floor, I started to cry. He watched me prepare myself to obey for a brief moment before he responded.Ā
āI knew you would. Here.ā He handed me the towel.Ā
Relief and surprise at his mercy spread over me all at once and I took the towel from him. I knelt to the floor, but tears began anew.Ā
āYou havenāt pulled out of me in years,ā I sobbed. āIām s-so s-sorry. Iām sorry you had to do that. Iām sorry I wasnāt worthy of it.ā I sat next to the scattered puddle and cried.Ā
He knelt down next to me and caressed my head in his hands, placing a gentle kiss on my hair. āNow that apology I believe. I forgive you.ā He sat down on the floor beside me and nudged me to continue with my task.Ā
I wiped the floor with the towel, my face a terrible mess from crying with a cold.
āCome here,ā he said softly, and pulled me into his lap. He wrapped his strong arms around my whole body that was curled up into a tight ball. I held onto his forearm and buried my face into him while I cried out the rest of my tears and my emotions calmed.Ā
āDo you understand now?ā He asked me gently. āYou need to respect that I give and take in this house. You have to earn what I give. I had this sense that you thought it was a given. It seems like I cut right to the core on that one, huh.āĀ
I smiled a little. āItās like you know me or something."Ā
āI didnāt want to do it, either. It doesnāt feel as good for me to pull out - you feel so much better! But I did that because I care, and I thought it would teach you what you needed to learn. When you are in that state of mind again and you hear that voice bothering you, asking you why - why follow his rules. Remember this and remember I was merciful today.āĀ
My tears started again. āI know,ā I sobbed, āI wish you didnāt have to do to that! I wish I hadnāt caused that! I want it to feel good for you. I want to be worthy again.āĀ
He held me close and hushed me, rocking with me in his arms. āYou will. Everything will be alright and youāll feel better. Just do as I tell you. Itās not your job to figure out how to train yourself, okay? You come to me if youāre feeling out of sorts and weāll fix it.āĀ
āOkay.ā I buried my face against his warm chest again.Ā
āI love you. So much. You know that, right? Thatās why I do this.āĀ
āI love you, too. Can I have a tissue?āĀ
He looked at my messy face and smiled. āYes, go clean up. And you can go get cozy if you like, even though that outfit is hot as hell.ā He felt me up to make his point.
āThanks, Bear. Thanks for teaching me.ā