A Beginner's Guide to Detoxing
For tmphenomenon:
I was looking forward to writing this for you because I love seeing young, black people do things to better their overall health (so we can be fine and sexy forever and slay into eternity, Amen). ALSO, ‘CAUSE, YOU’RE FAM FOR LIFE!!!
Why people detox:
When we enjoy delicious ass shit from our affordable fast food restaurants, we are destroying our body. Most of the time, the food we eat has been fried, dyed, processed, “enriched,” packaged, repackaged, and distributed, so by the time it gets to us it’s not really even food, though it tastes fucking amazing. It really messes with our internal health and perspective, clouding our judgment and fucking up our life. The healthier you eat and drink in general, the more clarity you have.
To combat the nasties, your body needs mini-cleanses every now and then so your digestive system can properly eliminate the bad, allowing for the absorption of good vitamins and nutrients we actually need. This strengthens your immune system and cleanses the blood. It also helps to block certain negative creepy crawlies that try to infect our cells.
The body eliminates toxins via the kidneys, intestines, lungs, skin, and lymph nodes, but most of the time it’s using all of its energy to break down everything we eat. Therefore, the toxins just float around and wreck havoc because the body ain’t got time to kick them out.
Buckle, up! Here we go!
BODY
Food + drinks:
1. Lots of liquids- this flushes out all the bad stuff. It’s good that you already drink lots of water, but we need to kick that up a notch with herbs that will help cleanse your liver and colon, bettering your overall digestive health. I, of course, being a ratchet hippie, recommend tea.
a) infuse water overnight (slices of cucumber or lemon in a bottle). See tumblr for the chart of when is best to drink water for the most benefits + recipes at bottom.
b) green tea or herbal tea, start off with green +honey then work your way up
c) juice! -fresh, not-from-concentrate, not- bullshit into thinking it’s healthy
You don’t even need a juicer, honestly. pour some water in a blender and spinach in there. BOOM. juice.
2. Fresh fruits and veggies (it’s cheaper to do this in smoothie-form). Big bags of spinach, bananas, and whatever fruit you blended up in a cheap blender (I got my from Wal-Mart for $15 and found another one at Goodwill for 3).
3. Fiber: This will help your body get rid of the toxins easier. I recommend eating at least one of the following ever day: brown rice, sprouted bread (NOTHING “enriched,” that just means bleached to look pretty -__-), cabbage, broccoli, spirulina, chlorella, etc. Fruits and veggies have an ass of fiber, so if you’re already eating those, you’re good.*
*If you don’t want to do the actual work, I recommend Bolthouse farms green juices. They taste good, have no preservatives, and are like 2.35 for 8 servings at Aldi. If y'all don’t have Aldi, I’ll get you some. Also, a lot of people mix these with water to stretch them, but also to make sure your body isn’t overwhelmed.
4. Take some type of vitamin. When I was drunk I ranted about “eating the rainbow,” because different colors correspond to different essential nutrients we need to survive the human experience. These colors also correspond to the 7 chakras. If you’re eating right, it balances other aspects of your life as well. Most of the time ain’t nobody got money or time for that, so buy a cheap one-a-day multivitamin so you won’t shock your body during detox.
What do the colors of fruits and veggies mean? (pic via @catasana)
Blue/purple= high antioxidant + balance bood pressure
Green= remove toxins and carcinogens, also sources of vitamin K, folic acid, omega 3 fatty acids
Yellow= Lutein (good for eyes), healthy fats, pretty skin
Red= powerful antioxidants
Orange= vitamins A +C
Tans/weird beiges–usually high fiber content
5. Healthy fats- Depending on how long you want to detox, you’ll need to reintroduce heavier foods into your diet, after mostly eating fruits, vegetables, seeds, etc., so you won’t shock your body when you eat a piece of pizza
Try: Salmon, avocados, walnuts, etc.
6. Simply substitute slowly (alliteration for that ass!) Going cold turkey will make you miserable. Instead of french fries, get sweet potato fries. Instead of ranch dressing, get Italian or something oil/vinegar based. Instead of iceberg lettuce (which is honestly trash, and I would slap the fuck out of anyone who tried to serve it to me), get romaine.
1 month detox:
First week: just drink one green smoothie/drink/tea (or eat your fill of fruit) every morning and don’t change anything else. Soon your body will start to crave whatever is in your smoothie.
You can also alternate between a green smoothie, a scrambled egg on toast w/ avocado, or BOTH. Whatever else you want that’s not like… frosted flakes you can pretty much have. You just want you body to get into a routine. Avoid heavy, delicious foods like pancakes, pasta (anything wheat-based. we’re prepping your digestive system) and no candy +sugar.
Second week: Make your breakfast AND lunch “green.” Have a big ass salad or lots of vegetables with a side of sweet potatoes or something. NO CHEESE (feta/goat cheese is okay though–easier for body to digest and less allergenic). We’re not even supposed to have dairy products, because it doesn’t agree with our systems at all, plus it’s gross (but so delicious).
I tell non-vegetarians that it’s okay to have chicken and lighter choices, but stay away from beef and dairy products. Listen to your body. Once it’s detoxing, you’ll start to crave everything you DON’T need to have. Especially sugar. Pretty much any fast food we eat is jacked up on sucrose.
The first 2-3 days you might feel super crappy because your body is ridding yourself of toxins, but once you get past that you’ll have an unusual amount of energy.
Third week: If you made it past the cravings hurdle, up the ante. Have a green juice before bed as well as in the morning. Stick with your one green meal for lunch or dinner. It is important that you eat enough, otherwise you will feel weak. Plants and herbs give you a lot of energy but you need to EAT them and drink them. We feel full after eating a burger but lethargic the next day because we just poisoned our body. We feel awesome after having a big ole salad because we basically just ate direct sun energy.
Last week: Listen to your body. The first time I did any kind of detox, I was so eager to stick to a plan, but every plan doesn’t work for everybody. Your body will tell you what it needs and by this time you’ll know what it is you’re supposed to be eating and drinking. It takes 21 days to break a habit (I don’t know if this is true, but let’s go with that).
Also, your body might not need a full month, and it might need longer than a month. You can tell how you’re doing by your energy level, whether or not you had a detox reaction (the feeling crappy, almost flu-like), and if you’re shitting regularly.
Common types of detoxes:
Some people detox for weight loss, health issues, or just want to give their bodies a break. From what I’ve experienced, here are the most popular types:
1) Strictly juicing/liquids: unfeasible for you because you’re on your feet all day or using your energy on snapchat. The longest I’ve seen someone do a juice cleanse is for 41 days, but usually they’re 3-5, just to give your body a break)
2) All green- basically, no animal products and not a lot of processed food. Plant-based/(80/20 raw/cooked) are common forms. If you eat pasta/fries/pizza, you make it yourself and know all the ingredients going into it. Be cheap and buy frozen fruits and vegetables and make stir fry. Whatever you want to learn how to make, check out organigasm’s instagram and I’ll send you the recipe. It doesn’t have to be flavorless and fucking boring to be healthy.
3) Paleo- Yes: Fruits, Vegetables, Seafood, Nuts & Seeds, Healthy Fats, Lean Meat. No: Dairy, Grains, Processed Food, Processed Sugar, Legumes, Starches, Alcohol. Honestly, I think this diet is a fad that comes up with different names every few decades. Seriously, a bunch of rich people use this to diet or have “healthy lifestyles,” but thousands upon thousands of families don’t have access to these types of foods. I digress.
MIND:
1. Set your intentions when you wake up in the morning. Example: “Today, will be fan-fucking-tastic,” or you can thank the creator or thank your body for helping you out with your shenanigans. Keep it to yourself, write it down, shout it out, whatever. You need to start your day with positive thoughts to ensure you have the willpower to make it. You will crave everything you DO NOT need.
2. Work-out at least 30 minutes a day, and if you can’t do that, try 3/7 times a week. Start somewhere. Dance it out when you get out of the shower, walk down the street at a fast pace–whatever, again, just get moving.
3. For strength of body and mind, I recommend yoga, and I hope your stubborn ass considers it (it also makes for fun sex, I’m just saying).
Here’s a link to good poses for detoxing: http://bodyunburdened.com/yoga-for-detox-10-poses-that-promote-cleansing/ + youtube and netflix have free videos FOR NOOBZ!#@
4. Before you go to bed, clear all the negative energy you can. I’m not gonna get into all the stuff, but like when you woke up, write it down, draw it out, etc.
Doing this throughout the detox will allow you to clear your mind and determine what works for you during this new journey!
5. Get enough sleep–This is a tough one, but while you’re sleeping your body does the most incredible things. Seriously, you will thank yourself. Even if you only get 4 hours of sleep, getting 15 extra minutes, then gradually increasing REALLY helps.
Final tips:
1. eat your biggest meal at lunchtime (your metabolism is peaking from about 12pm-8pm)
2. SLEEP. Seriously. Your body is healing you. Let it help.
3. I will help you meal prep, but frozen vegetables + canned beans, packaged nuts keep the costs of detoxing low. Also, farmer’s have good ass prices. Take a fine honey on a date to the farmer’s market and cook a sexy meal afterwards.
4. Try new things. Seriously. You can’t eat a cucumber and an apple every day and expect magic to happen.
5. Don’t overcook anything. Leave that broccoli a little crunchy. Don’t kill the nutrients, bro.
6. cheat! allow yourself one day during the first two weeks to cheat on your detox, or whenever you fucking feel like. you deserve rounds… of krispy kreme donuts. TREAT. YO. SELF.
7. Don’t count calories, or carbs, or whatever the fuck the newest pyramid says to do.
Good Water Infusion Combos:
1. lemon/lime +mint + honey
2. strawberries, blueberries
3. pineapple + basil
4. grapefruit/orange
5. mango + peaches
6. apple+ cinnamon + honey
Final thoughts: Really, once you get used to it, you’re always detoxing. Even drinking a cup of tea a day and still eating like shit is better than nothing. Just be kind to yourself. It’s a process, and I’m still learning, but I get better every day. Good luck! I’m always here to help.
Now, let’s go detox, y'all.
✌️
