Again and again, I make the same mistakes. I make the worst decisions and disregard the consequences. You gave it your all and poured all your love into me. You shared everything, while I shared nothing but lies.
I never deserved a person like you, and it’s probably a good thing you’re finally done. You gave me so many more chances than anyone else should. You always gave me the benefit of the doubt, because you saw the good in me. I’m sorry to have fooled you. I’m sorry to have fooled everyone around us. You made me so happy, and I hope you know that. I just had to ruin it. I was stupid, childish, and just couldn’t keep shit in my pants. How can I keep repeating the same shit over and over?
I always talked about us getting married or our future, and yet, I would always do these things behind your back. How more fucked up could I be?
I destroyed your mentality and how you think of the good in others. I ruined all of that for you. How manipulative could I have been? There’s nothing for me to convince you to stay. You have every right to leave. Hell, you should had left earlier. Who needs someone like me?
Even after all said and done, you still tried to be done with me in the nicest way possible, considering everything I’ve done to you. Like why... you loved me so much and I didn’t even reciprocate it. You continue saying that I don’t even know what love is. Why am I like that? You still want me to be the person I could truly be, and hoping I won’t do that to the next girl I’ll meet. You believe I can still be that amazing person you saw in me.
I just don’t see it. I continue this facade of my past mentality and continue doing the same things over and over. But why though? We were so happy together. It was peaceful. It was everything I wanted, but why did I continue to do all those terrible things.
You deserved so much better. I couldn’t give that to you. I would do whatever it takes to have you stay in my life still, but we both know that’s not possible. There’s nothing else I could say or do. There’s no more reasons for you to stay. I fucked up every chance you continued to give me, and it came the time when enough is enough for you.
It’s better if I just disappear for now. I know that’s the complete opposite of what you want for me, but it’s what I’m deciding. It’s better to stay out of everyone’s lives and have everyone else leave me out of theirs. Like I said, no one needs someone like me in their lives. I’ll resurface one day, but until then, It’s better to be on my own and not hurt anyone else.
No matter what, I did love you and I still do. I just showed it in the worst way possible. Please continue to be friends with them. It’s not fair to you that you should stop because of me. I will step out of the way. So please, don’t forget them, and continue to be with them. I’m willing to do whatever.
I will use that time and see what kind of guy I can really be. Hopefully, maybe someday you would take me back. But I know that could never happen. But I could always wish huh?
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