Dancing on the Moon🌜 @heyimtephyy - Tumblr Blog

Jul 28, 2023

'overcoming the fear of you and something more'

(What started out as a tiny drabble turned into THIS monstrosity of a fic, and nope I couldn't leave it without adding a little bit of *angst*. I hope you all enjoy, and find that opening yourself up to love isn't always a bad thing ;)

Read on ao3 HERE

Words: 9286

Rated: M

Fear is a fickle thing.

It’s usually something Raven can never quite grasp. On the rare occasion that she does, by then it evolves into something different, something more.

Something that she doesn’t want to name.

And as much as she knows that it has a tendency to manifest in a way she never anticipates, she shoves down that feeling at the dinner table in favor of ignoring it. The less attention she can bring to herself the better.

Especially since the root of it all is sitting across from her.

If she could she would be able to rationalize that her conglomeration of emotions are natural — a testament to her humanity rather. It’s good that she’s able to feel things so freely for once, but she can’t think straight right now.

Not when Damian is helping Mar’i settle back into her high chair, taking extra care to buckle her in and wiping the corner of her mouth with his thumb.

Her heart pounds in a way that unsettles her deeply at the sight, and she can’t help when her power takes hold of a dish on the counter and slams it back down.

It’s a good thing it’s plastic. And that Mar’i is used to loud sounds.

Emerald eyes flash to her with immediate concern, along with similar looks from everyone else at the table.

“Raven, is everything alright?” Richard asks her as Kori takes advantage of a distracted Mar’i with a spoonful of mushy peas in one hand.

“Ah, yes. I’m sorry,” the scrape of Raven’s chair makes her wince even more apologetically when she scoots back, “let me go set that in the dishwasher.”

“Oh, just put it in the sink and we’ll get to it later,” Kori says without looking at her, “I have to wash some of Mar’i’s bottles anyway.”

“You’ve been having more slip ups lately, is something bothering you?” Richard presses further, ever the nosy older brother.

Knowing that Damian’s eyes are still on her, even as she lowers to her knees to grab the plate off the floor, she takes great care to keep her voice even.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. It’s probably just a cold or something, you know I’ve been sneezing more lately.” That much was true. The turn of the season to Spring left something to be desired — which was clear sinuses. Raven was as surprised as everyone else to find out that a half-demon could get allergies. So lame. With the attention focused solely on her, Raven feels her desperation rising to change the subject. She clears her throat after placing the plate into an already full sink,

“So have you both figured out if you’re able to make Gar’s wedding?”

Richard chews the side of his lip, casting a glance to Kori before answering, “We think we can make it, but we’re not completely sure. I heard Jamie is going with his new fiancée.”

Raven raises a brow, “I didn’t know he had one.”

“We just found out this week,” Kori tells her, still battling Mar’i over the peas, “she seems nice, but we haven’t met her yet. She’s from his hometown.”

“Hmm.” Raven slides back into her seat, both hands going straight for her cup of tea. The conversation continues with Richard and Kori talking back and forth about Gar’s wedding plans with Terra. Apparently they finally decided on a venue out on the Grand Canyon. Raven thinks it’s fitting.

By the time her nerves settle enough to pick up her fork to continue with her chicken alfredo, she sees that Mar’i’s attention is back on Damian. Her little fingers reach for the necklace around his shirt, grasping the chain she knows has two dog tags on them — both with written words in Arabic. Raven hadn’t gotten close enough to try to read them. Not that she’s fluent anyway.

The slight burrow of Damian’s brows is the only sign of his hesitancy towards the little girl. Raven watches as he drops his own fork, then attempts to gently pry Mar’i’s fingers from them. Instead of letting go completely, Mar’i decides to grab one of his fingers in all of her tiny ones.

There’s that funny feeling again, working its way up into a lump in the back of her throat as Damian looks down at their hands in a quiet wonder. Kori smothers a laugh while Richard watches, looking strangely proud.

“She loves her Uncle Dami,” Richard says, chuckling when Damian sends a bewildered look his way. He motions back down to Mar’i’s fingers.

“They’re so… small,” he says, looking back to their joined hands.

“I know right? It’s crazy. I still can’t believe that we have her sometimes, it’s so unreal. Being a parent is…”

“Unlike anything I could have ever imagined,” Kori finishes, a faraway smile on her face. Mar’i swings her head back over to her mother, babbling in confirmation. Richard chuckles at the noise.

“One-hundred percent.”

Raven swallows hard.

The rest of dinner goes as smoothly as she can expect with the growing storm of emotions threatening to spill over with every stolen glance to the pair across from her. She forces herself to eat, if just to stop anyone else from asking too many questions.

Her mind drifts as the conversation takes another turn. To her friends. To everyone that had scattered with the winds over the years. Gar to adventure with Terra wherever they wanted — and about to be married. Kori and Richard, now settled in Blüdhaven with Mar’i. Even Jamie, apparently finding love in his hometown.

Damian had stayed with her in Jump. As much as she wanted to ask why back then when the Titans officially disbanded years ago, she still hasn’t.

Mostly because she’s not sure she’s ready to hear his answer.

Dinner is over when Mar’i begins to fuss, and it heightens to the point that she can’t be consoled. She doesn’t want to listen to the Tameranean lullabies of her mother, or the soft rocking of her father. She doesn’t want the warm milk Richard heats up for her, or even the pacifier that Kori tries to stick in her mouth. As time goes on and her parents run out of options, nothing seems to quiet her down.

Raven’s eyes soften in understanding that sometimes you don’t know what you want or need.

Raven takes the time to clean up after everyone while the screaming ensues, waving Kori off when she thanks her profusely and apologizes all in the same breath. Richard walks away further into the house, most likely in search of something to help calm Mar’i down.

“No worries at all, truly. Thank you for inviting us over,” Raven responds in earnest.

The invites had started to climb since Mar’i was born. It’s easier to invite them because of her ability to create portals. And the boom tube of course, with one now built inside of their home for easy travel. Still, Raven figures that both Kori and Richard haven’t had a night out in months. It’s probably also easier to have Mar’i at home, and Raven doesn’t mind in the slightest.

Except for the little moments that throw her off balance until she’s teetering off the edge into something she doesn’t understand.

Which has inadvertently caused her current predicament.

So focused on her own thoughts and rinsing off plates, Raven nearly jumps out of her skin when she feels a hand at her lower back. She doesn’t have to look behind her to know it’s Damian.

His touch burns her through the silk shirt of her blouse.

“Let me help,” he says, rolling up the sleeves of his button-up and his arm brushes against hers. The grip on her sponge slackens as a familiar heat runs through her. She takes a step to the side.

“I’m okay, you can—”

“Take her, please. I don’t know what else to do.” Kori unceremoniously pushes Mar’i up against Damian’s chest, and he’s forced to put his arms around her to keep her from falling.

“Just hold her for a minute while I run her a bath, that usually helps calm her down.” Kori runs away just as fast as she came, yelling across her shoulder, “Thank you!”

Mar’i’s face is an angry red as hot tears roll down her face. Damian wraps a hand around the back of her head to keep her secure against his chest while the other settles against her bottom. For a minute or two all either of them can hear is her high-pitched screaming. Raven holds back a grimace.

Then Damian starts to hum a low, foreign tune, while patting her bottom gently.

Raven chokes back on a suggestion, enamored by the way Damian seems to immediately calm her.

Mar’i hiccups, tears still falling but not as frequent as Damian continues his hum in her ear. It’s some kind of lullaby, that much she can tell. Mar’i moves her head to stare up at him with big eyes, just as bright as her mother’s.

Damian gently nudges her to settle her back against his chest in a move that makes her sigh with another hiccup. As Raven continues to clean up the kitchen by finding the tupperware and putting up the leftovers, Damian continues to hum and pat in a rhythm that quickly puts Mar’i to sleep.

The room falls silent while Raven sets the dishwasher to start. She glances back over in time to watch Damian place the smallest of kisses against Mari’i’s head.

It’s such a small and intimate gesture that takes Raven by surprise. It’s genuine, and raw, and the open look on his face nearly undoes her. Seeing this side of Damian with Mar’i only further threatens the hold over her power. She yanks back on the transparent black that encases a cup she missed, hoping that Damian doesn’t notice.

One look behind her shoulder tells her that he does.

“Grayson’s right. You have been on edge lately, any reason why? And don’t tell me it’s allergies because we both know that you were lying earlier.”

Raven just barely holds back her wince. She doesn't know why she ever thought she’d get something past him. For all the years they’ve spent together at the tower, she knows he can now read her like a book.

In fact, he knows exactly how she takes her tea, what time she likes to meditate in the afternoons. He even knows when she’s starting to get a migraine by the extra gel ice pack she finds in the freezer.

A frown tugs at the corners of her mouth.

He knows her.

So why does that terrify her so much?

“Honestly there’s just been a lot on my mind…” her voice falters, not able to meet his eyes because she knows he’ll see the half-truth in that statement.

“Raven…”

The sounds of her name from his lips brings her eyes right back up to his.

She knows he won’t push her — that he’ll always defer to her choice when to speak her mind. She also knows that he allows her to hear the concern in his voice just as he can hear the uncertainty is hers.

She starts to chew the inside of her cheek, a habit she had picked up after gaining the freedom to express her emotions more. A nervous one that Damian knows from the way his brows knit further together. She sighs, opting to ignore the question altogether and focus the attention back on Mar’i.

“I’m impressed, and a little jealous that you’re so good with her,” she admits jokingly.

Damian sees through her blatant attempt at avoiding him, but thankfully he allows it.

“I’m not sure why all it took was me holding her,” he admits.

“Maybe because of your energy. You’re always calm and so sure of yourself.” It’s just a theory but Raven has a hunch Mar’i might already be stepping into some of her power.

“I imagine Mar’i might be able to sense that.”

Damian looks at her, his face now unreadable, and Raven can tell that he’s analyzing her words — trying to figure out what exactly they mean.

No doubt from years of back-handed compliments from not only the press but also the socialites of high society as a Wayne. She briefly remembers an encounter with a Calloway that left with the blonde man on the floor of the Wayne Manor ballroom clutching his nose and loudly cursing. If Raven was correct, Damian had simply rolled his sleeve back down and walked promptly outside to the balcony, ignoring the stares that followed.

But there was no ill intent to her words now.

“I’m serious. Mar’i seems to be a bit of an empath in my opinion.”

“Hmm, maybe.” Damian says, although still unconvinced. Raven shrugs, then resists the urge to bite her lip, looking for a reason to cut their conversation short. She doesn’t want them to circle back to talking about her just yet.

“I’ll go look for Kori, maybe since Mar’i is asleep they’ll want to put her down.”

Damian nods, still patting the little girl in his arms in fear that she may wake again. Raven tears her gaze from him, if a bit reluctantly, and goes in search of her friend.

Raven had always felt close with Kori, even as a younger teen when trust didn’t come easy. Kori tore down her walls just as quickly as Raven had tried to build them back up. She paved the bridge of friendship between them and after a while Raven stopped running from it.

Now, with a little care and communication, they had grown together in a way that Raven thinks fondly of.

Yet with the closeness that Raven feels with Kori now, she can’t quite bring herself to talk about what’s been bothering her. Not that she’s figured it out herself. To be fair she hasn’t really tried, and has been avoiding thinking about it more than anything. But dinner has suddenly brought it to the forefront, and the only thing that she now knows for certain is that Damian is at its centerfold.

Raven finds Kori in the guest bathroom, kneeling over the tub on her knees as it’s filling with water. She gives her back a soft smile, feeling the exhaustion in her aura weighing on her.

“Hey Kori,” Raven says gently to not startle her, “Mar’i fell asleep on Damian’s chest. I came to see if you wanted him to help you put her down in her crib.”

Kori’s relief from her words is immediate, “Oh yes that would be perfect. I’ll go get them, thank you Raven — and don’t think I didn’t hear you cleaning up in the kitchen. I hope you know we didn’t invite you over just to clean. Not that I’m not grateful of course, but you’re our guests.”

Raven waves off her concern, “You know I didn’t feel obligated in the slightest, now go ahead and get Mar’i. I’m sure you and Dick are ready to settle down for the night.”

“I’ve only slept five hours in the past three days. I. Am. Dying.”

The graying circles under her eyes are more prominent now that Raven gives a closer look, although with her tangerine colored skin it looks more purple than anything. Still, she can’t help but feel a little bad for her.

“Maybe you can get a night’s rest tonight.” Raven tells her with a hand on her shoulder in sympathy. It’s a fool’s hope really with a one-year old, but Raven still thinks it’s worth saying.

“A woman can dream,” Kori snorts, then covers Raven’s hand with her own. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

As Kori leaves Raven cuts off the water and pulls the plug. She has a feeling Mar’i will be skipping bath night as long as she sleeps soundly — and if Damian has anything to do with putting her down for the night, she will.

The thought of him again disquiets her. With a quick flick of the bathroom light, she strays back towards the living room and decides to take a seat on the couch to wait for them. At this point she knows it’s better to just stay out the way. Cleaning was the best way she could think of to help.

After a moment Damian walks back in alone while running a hand through the dark curls in his hair.

“She’s down. Kori and Richard are already in bed too. I think it’s okay to leave now.”

Raven nods and stands. Wordlessly she creates a portal back to their home at Titan’s tower. Even though they did disband years ago, it’s the only place that feels welcoming enough to stay.

Slipping through a wormhole of her own power always raises gooseflesh on her arms. It pulses through her veins when they both step in and back out in the common room.

Tonight it’s empty, but in a few days all of their friends will be in to visit just before the wedding. Somehow Raven had been roped into teleporting them all to the Grand Canyon the day of. She has a sneaking suspicion it’s more of an excuse for them to all be together in one place again — not that she minds.

She admits that she misses it all. Wait —

“I thought Jason and Rose were supposed to be coming in early before everyone else, shouldn’t they be here by now?” Raven asks.

The thud against a wall in a room further down the hallway is her answer. Damian scowls while Raven suppresses a smirk. “Well it’s a good thing there’s a guest masterbath in the bedroom I think they're in. We won’t have any awkward run-ins with each other.”

Damian snorts, “I’m glad that you’re able to see the positive in this, because I can’t.”

Raven hums in amusement, “There’s no other way to look at it now that they’re here.” She steps into the kitchen, “Tea?”

“Sure, I could use some before I go out on patrol.”

Starting the kettle is easy work, and the habitual movements help to ease her mind. Setting it on the stove, she reaches for two cups and grabs a packet of black tea and chamomile. Damian doesn’t have to tell her that black is his favorite, she just knows.

Sometimes it surprises her by how easy it is to talk to Damian, and the irony of that thought is not lost on her when dinner was so… unexpected.

“I’m thinking about inviting Kori and Rose to a girl’s night before the wedding. I think Kori needs a night out, and since Rose is here now I don’t want to leave her out.”

“Oh?” Damian raises his brow when he takes a seat on the stool in front of the island. “That could be… interesting.”

The corners of her mouth quirk together as she turns the dial to turn the heat to high on the stovetop.

“I just want her to be able to relax for a bit, and maybe talk with her about a few things…” her voice trails as she traces the marble in the countertop. “After tonight, do you think you could offer to watch Mar’i? Or even just go over to the house with Richard to keep him company. I’m sure —”

"Yes I can do that, just let me know what day.”

His quick response to her surprises her, and she thinks of calling him out on it but decides not to in the end. She’s sure he has his own reasons for helping too.

“Thank you, hopefully Kori will be up for it. I’ll check in with her tomorrow after she’s had more sleep.”

“Good idea.”

After that she brews in silence as Damian reviews the routes on his communicator for the night. They tend to alternate a couple of different pattern types, and have had to make some changes to include the docks for the next couple of weeks. Receiving an anonymous tip that a ‘deal’ was about to go down in the next week or so kept them extra alert. The details of that deal? Well neither of them have a clue, which is just a little worrisome.

Raven pours Damian’s tea into a to-go tumblr when it’s finished, knowing that he’ll want to take it with him.

She meets his eyes at the hand off, the brush of his fingers against hers sending a sharp tingle up her arm.

“Thank you,” he says, already making his way to the boom tube off in the corner of the common room that had just been recently installed.

Raven hesitates for a moment, the thought of the docks heavy on her mind, before she calls after him.

“Damian.” she waits until he twists back to her. His domino mask is already covering his eyes.

“... be careful.”

He actually smirks. “No promises.”

The flash of the boom tube declares his departure before she can respond. She rolls her eyes at his absence anyway.

There goes the root of all my troubles, off to make even more trouble.

Her hands cup her tea, taking a small comfort in the warmth it provides her.

What am I going to do with you?

It turns out Kori had been itching for a night without Mar’i.

Making plans had been easy enough.

Rose had wanted to go bar-hopping, and Kori wanted to bring over her new crochet projects. Raven decided on a compromise — a night in the common room. With lots of alcohol. And pizza.

It had taken both Rose and Kori awhile to warm up to each other and find some common ground, but after an hour or two everyone’s now laughing at one another in good fun. Raven’s sure the alcohol has more to do with it than anything else.

“Okay, so maybe a night in isn’t so bad.” Rose says, bending forward for another slice. The three of them had ended up on the floor of the common room, pizza boxes and wine bottles alike spread out. The heated flush of Raven’s cheeks is the only indication of her intoxication. Well, that and the wobble walk back from the bathroom. She plops down next to Rose with a chuckle from her lack of grace, waving at Kori with encouragement to go for another glass.

“I’m so glad we have Mar’i on formula now,” Kori tells them when she takes a sip straight from the bottle of sangria, “I’ve missed wine.”

Rose makes a face, “What I’m hearing is don’t have babies.” She barks out a laugh when Kori reaches across the pizza boxes to smack her arm.

“Mar’i is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. We’re just struggling with getting her on a sleep schedule. Once we do that I swear babies aren’t difficult at all. It was really nice of Damian to babysit with Dick tonight so that I could come over.”

Rose gives Raven a knowing look, “Yes it was, wasn’t it? I heard about dinner the other night. Mar’i seems to love Wayne.”

“Yes definitely, he’s —”

“Speaking of Wayne!” Rose cuts Kori off in favor of turning directly to Raven, “What is this weird thing-not-thing going on between the two of you? It’s driving me crazy staying with you in this damn tower.”

In hindsight, Raven should have known that Rose would pick up on her sensitivity. At least some of it anyway. The interactions between her and Damian a few days after dinner had been amicable of course, but Damian had known she'd been acting strange here and there for a while. Raven responded in kind, retreating to what she knew best and avoiding him when she could. Solitude in the face of internal conflict will always be her greatest ally.

Raven frowns into her glass, deciding to take another gulp of her own wine. “What do you mean? Nothing’s going on between us. We’re just —”

“Don’t even say ‘we’re just friends’. That’s bullshit. Have you seen the way he looks at you Raven? He makes you tea in the morning. Tea! And it’s your favorite too, I noticed.”

“Oh that?” Kori says flippantly, “They’ve been doing that for years. I thought that finally they’d end up together when everyone else left the tower. Dick thinks it’ll be another year before Raven finally realizes that Damian’s completely in love with her.”

Even through the haze of her growing intoxication, Raven gives them a glare. “That’s not true. As close as you’re implying we are, wouldn't he have said something to me? And besides, I like our friendship. A lot. I don’t want to jeopardize that.”

“Damian’s been keeping it to himself for a reason Raven. Everyone knows how skittish you can be about feelings .” Kori bumps her shoulder with a laugh, then takes another swig from her bottle.

“It took us years for you to finally be comfortable even talking to me about things outside of Hero work or me and Dick.”

Raven knocks back the rest of her wine and decides that she needs another glass. “That’s different, you wrangled me into your friendship.”

Kori looks affronted, mouth poised to argue when Rose cuts her off again, “Yeah I can definitely see that happening. I can picture it now, Kori cornering a young teenage and timid Raven to try and convince her to be best friends.”

“It didn’t happen like that.”

Both Raven and Rose stare at her in disbelief at the same time. Kori holds up her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, it kind of happened like that but look how it turned out? Better than what I thought.”

“Hmm, true.”

“So are you into him?” Rose directs the question to her.

Raven rolls her eyes. “If I tell you I think he’s hot will you stop asking more questions?”

“No, so you do think he’s hot.”

“I’m not blind Wilson.”

Hot is more of an understatement in her opinion, and the new suit that Damian had opted to start wearing out on patrol was doing him many favors. Not that she would ever admit that to either of them. That would just be adding more fuel to the fire.

“So have you fucked him yet?”

“Rose!” Kori yells at her.

“What? I’m just curious. Don’t tell me you guys have been living together, alone , for years and haven’t fucked.”

“No actually, we haven’t.” Raven’s brows knit together as her stomach tightens from something she’s not sure. Annoyance from Rose asking deeply personal questions so casually? Or jealousy at the sudden intrusive thought that maybe Damian has, but with someone else? If so, did he bring her to the tower?

“So you two haven’t even tried to just have a little fun. You know, do something casual? Like friends with benefits?” Rose asks her.

“Do you know me? I don’t do casual.”

“And neither does Damian,” Kori points out.

“So maybe he’s dating someone.”

Raven looks back at Rose with a dangerous look. The wine in her system doesn’t help hide her sudden disgust. She ignores the flip of her stomach that feels like nausea at the probability of Rose’s theory.

“I’m done talking about this.” She says, tone final. “Why don’t we talk about how you and Todd broke in the guest bedroom last night. We could hear you two from the common room.”

“Damn right, that shit was good too. We haven’t seen each other in months . Some of the best sex I’ve ever had.” Raven smirks while Kori chokes on her bottle.

Jason and Rose are like fire and air. Mix them together and they become a fire whirlwind, burning everything in its path. It’s passionate, sure, but unpredictable and something that would always keep Raven on edge.

“Dick and I have barely had sex since Mar’i’s been born,” Kori sighs, “It sucks.”

“No alcohol or sex? Yeah, I’m never having kids.”

Kori laughs, “Never say Never Rose, someone might come along and make you eat those words one day.”

“Gods I hope not.”

“Who knows, Jason might be working on that right now.”

The room erupts in laughter, and the conversation only further derails after that.

Raven wakes with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

With a groan, she blinks groggily as her head spins from the alcohol still thrumming in her body. Somehow she had made it to the couch with Rose at the other end, passed out.

Scattered pizza boxes litter the floor, one open and empty with the other with a couple pieces remaining. She doesn’t count but she does see a handful of empty wine bottles grouped together in the middle.

She doesn’t see Kori as she scans the room, but her eyes do land on the person that shook her awake.

Damian.

His quiet demeanor is a contrast from the clear amusement swimming in his eyes.

“Where’s Kori?” Raven asks, the sleepiness still evident in her voice.

“I helped her back home, Grayson has her.” Ah. That explains the fading light of the boom tube in the corner.

“Oh okay, how’d it go with Mar’i?” she asks, accepting his hand to help her sit up. A wave of vertigo hits her, and she leans heavily on the arm of the couch.

“It went well,” he takes another glance around the room, “how much did you drink?” he asks, taking note of the way she curls back into herself on the couch.

“Too much.”

Another voice speaks up behind Damian. “Yeah that checks out, by the wine bottles on the floor I’m sure you’re all still plastered.”

Jason.

She turns her attention to the end of the couch where he scoops up Rose effortlessly. She doesn’t even move in the slightest.

“You’re heavy as shit.” Jason talks down to her, but Raven can see the fondness in his eyes that betrays the truth. Rose isn’t heavy at all, and Jason’s enjoying having her around.

“See ya Wayne, Raven. Gonna take this one to bed.”

Damian spares him another glance, “Night.”

“Don’t you want to sleep in your bed too?” he asks her, leaning over a little closer that makes her heart jump.

The thought of getting up right now and walking anywhere is so unappealing that Raven burrows back further into the couch.

“It’s okay, just leave me here. I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning.” Intoxication didn’t last as long for a half-demon.

She closes her eyes with a small yawn, sleep threatening to take back over, which is perfectly fine with her. That way she doesn’t have to dissect the way Damian is looking at her right now, another unreadable expression on his face. Reading him had never been easy, but now with her own emotions at war with themselves, they’ve gotten in the way of being able to determine his.

There’s another moment of silence between them when Raven realizes that Damian is actually weighing the pros and cons of a decision. She opens her mouth, is about to ask him what’s wrong, when he stoops down closer to her.

One of his arms weaves its way around her waist while the other settles under the back of her knees.

A small squeak of surprise escapes her when he lifts her, cuddling her body close to his chest. Her arms wrap around his neck instinctually to help stay balanced in his own.

“You’ll get a cramp in your neck if you sleep here,” he says simply, explaining away the question in her eyes.

“I can walk to my bedroom if I wanted to Damian,” she reasons with him, though not exactly resisting as he continues to carry her down the hallway.

“I know,” his breath is warm on her neck, “but you didn’t want to.”

Raven holds her tongue, only because she knows he’s right — and he does too from the small smirk on his face. Thankfully he doesn’t say anything else when they get to her bedroom, and the door scans her for entry.

It slides open and Damian steps inside. Raven suddenly feels uncomfortable with him seeing her room. It’s not like he hasn't seen it before.

But he hasn’t, at least not now that she doesn’t even know what to think of him anymore. Not when she feels so… vulnerable.

It’s cozy, and packed full of things but not messy. The shelves need dusting, and the books need to be re-stacked. It’s a show of her true nature — organized chaos. Damian doesn’t seem to mind. He only takes a short glance, probably out of her respect for privacy, and walks straight to her bed.

He helps her slide under the covers, and is careful not to touch her more than necessary. It makes her heart squeeze. This barrier that seems to be growing between them since dinner is unwanted, but she feels helpless to fix.

Damian hesitates as he leans over her, the closeness between them oddly intimate. She notices his dog tags have slipped out of his shirt, and she impulsively reaches for them. He watches quizzically as her fingers glide over the indentations.

She doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol, or the sudden change in tension between them, but she finally decides to indulge in her curiosity.

“What do they say?” she asks him.

“laā yuhimmu kam ʾanta baṭīʾ ṭaalamā ʾannaka lan tatawaqqaf. It means ‘It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.’”

The air feels heavy when Raven takes a breath, “and the other one?”

Damian gives her a look, one that holds too many emotions for her to understand.

“I’ll tell you what that one means another time.”

For the first time in a long time Titan’s Tower is full of heroes.

There’s an excited energy all around as the rooms fill with chatter as more and more people begin to show, dressed up for the wedding. Some people hadn’t seen each other in years.

Raven’s content to keep to herself in one corner of the common room, exchanging pleasantries with the people who approach her. Damian is somewhere in the chaos, but she doesn’t try to look for him yet. Not when just thinking about him is causing her stomach to tie into knots.

“Hey Raven, it’s good to see you!”

Raven turns with a smile. “It’s good to see you too Donna, you look great.” Her black dress covered in sequins accentuated her curves in a way that made many heads turn at her arrival. That and her charming personality can make anyone she wants to fall to their knees in front of her.

“Me? You look breathtaking, girl. Blue is such a good color on you.”

Raven accepts the compliment with grace, something she’s been working more on doing. She slides a hand over her satin dress. The ends of it reach her toes, with a long slit up one side that gives everyone a slight tease of a long leg. Her black heels only emphasize the swell of her calf, the ankle strap a final touch.

“Thank you. How are you?”

“Oh fantastic, work has been going well and crime is starting to slow down. Maybe because we’re finally getting some good weather and people want to enjoy it for a change. Who knows. How’s patrol in Jump going? I spoke with Wayne earlier and heard that there might be some kind of trade deal at the docks?”

“Yeah,” Raven sighs, walking Donna to the kitchen in search of something to drink, “Last night there was some movement, but not much else going on. I’m starting to think it’s all a hoax but I don't know. I guess we’ll find out soon.”

“Hmm, well there’s no need to worry about it right now. Wayne doesn’t seem too worried about it either so I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Raven holds back the retort that she isn’t worried, and that Donna’s the one who brought it up in the first place.

“Yeah, punch?” Raven asks her, gesturing to the island in the middle of their kitchen. An assortment of light snacks filled the table, along with punch, tea, and water. Raven’s grateful that Kori came over earlier to help her and Damian put it all together.

“Oh nice, thanks. So…” Donna trails, smiling sheepishly when she accepts the glass Raven hands her, “is Damian seeing anyone by chance?”

Raven’s hold tightens on her own glass of water she poured for herself. “Not that I’m aware of.”

“Oh good, I was thinking about asking him out later after the wedding. It’d be nice to catch up in Jump again — see what all’s changed.”

“Go for it.” Raven clears her throat when Donna gives her an odd look at her curt tone, “I just mean I’m sure he’d… appreciate the company.”

“Are you sure? Because if you’re —”

Raven’s not exactly sure what Donna is about to say but she doesn’t let her say it at all. “I’m not. You should ask him.”

Donna blinks, then laughs, “It looks like some things haven’t changed after all. Don’t worry, I won’t.” She throws her a wink, “I’ll see if Roy is free tonight. I’ve always had a thing for red-heads anyway.”

Raven deigns not to answer, instead taking a long drink of her water. Not because she really needs it but to keep her from revealing anything that might give her away. That and she doesn’t need to explain anything to anyone, not even Donna.

A quick glance at the microwave tells her that it’s nearly time. She takes a breath, preparing to create a portal that will last long enough for everyone to get through. It will be tenuous at best, but it should work. Should.

The sound of an announcement in the common room distracts her from her thoughts, especially when a small group starts making their way over to the boom tube.

“They’re probably lining up for the boom tube since the wedding’s about to begin.” Donna says.

“Boom tube? I thought that everyone was going through my portal?”

“I’m not sure,” Donna looks as confused as she feels, “Damian’s been going around the room and assigning a specific time for everyone to go through. A lot of people are already gone.”

Raven’s eyes dart to the common room that now looks a lot emptier than it had been about five minutes ago.

“Looks like my time is in another minute,” Donna gives her a wave, “I’ll see you there.”

Raven tells her bye, and stands there as the rest begin to file out, one by one until there’s only her and Damian. Her eyes meet him across the room before he whips his head in a signal to come join him. She does just that, taking the time to appreciate his suit.

It’s Armani, of course, black and sleek, and it’s fitted to him perfectly. The pant legs do nothing to hide what’s beneath, and she feels her neck heat at the sight. One hand is tucked into his pocket while the other is holding the boom tube open for the both of them. As she walks closer she realizes that he’s wearing a darker navy blue tie — nearly identical to the color of her dress.

Only when she reaches him does she ask him why they weren’t going by portal.

“I didn’t want you to overexert yourself so I had a boom tube placed at the site of the wedding temporarily.”

His gesture hits her hard, and she doesn’t know what to think when he reaches out his hand for hers. She places it in his delicately as he helps her step up inside.

“I probably would’ve been fine, you know. I’m sure there wouldn’t have been much to worry about.”

Damian steps in after her, his chest brushing up against her back as the door slides shut behind them.

“Well now neither of us have to worry at all.”

She turns to face him and smiles.

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you Raven.”

Her eyes widen at his words and the blatant truth in his voice. Suddenly the air around them feels hot, and she leans back up against the wall, trying to put as much space in between them as possible. The proximity of him, the small space of the boom tube, his words — it all feels like too much. She feels the familiar tug of her body as they teleport — something that lasts only milliseconds.

By the time they’re on the other side she’s breathing hard, not feeling like she’s getting enough air. The boom tube isn’t opening fast enough and it’s still too hot. She’s getting lightheaded and the pounding beat of her heart is only getting faster. The door begins to slide open, but before she can slip away Damian has a hand on her wrist.

He pulls her back inside, shuts the door, and presses the button with the AC. The cool air helps a little, but there’s still a rising panic in her that she can’t tame. Raven has half a mind to slide down the wall to hug her knees but Damian grasps her shoulders, forcing her to face him.

“Hey Raven, look at me. Look at me.” Emerald eyes search hers imploringly and she chokes back a sob.

“I-I can’t do this, Damian, I don’t know what’s wrong with —”

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” he says. His words are gentle and soothing as his hands begin to rub her bare arms. Up and down, forcing her to stay tethered to the present. Not allowing her to retreat into her mind.

“Just breathe, Raven. We’re not going anywhere until you breathe.”

It takes a few minutes. He starts whispering to her in Arabic, much like the way he took care of Mar’i, and that thought puts a heavy weight on her chest. She breathes through it anyway knowing that the wedding will start at any moment, and she doesn’t want them to be late. When her breaths become more even Damian pulls her into his chest, wrapping her into a hug.

“Whatever is going on is okay. I’m not going anywhere and neither are any of our friends. You’re okay, and it’s okay that you don’t know what you’re feeling.”

Raven inhales a shuddering breath.

She doesn’t know that she needs to hear him say all of those things so desperately until they’re already spoken. She takes a moment to cling to him, to thank him, before pulling back. Whatever Damian sees in her face must be enough for him to deem her capable enough to go back outside because he opens the door. Then he takes her hand again.

“Watch your step,” he murmurs to her, helping her across the rocks to the venue. The sight of it is breathtaking. An archway is just a couple of feet away from a ledge that overlooks the entire Northern rim, and Raven sees that most of the chairs are already full of their friends. Garfield is already at the front, fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeve and trying not to bite a hole with his canines from worrying his lip in a nervous tic.

Raven smiles, because even though it’s clear that he’s nervous, she can also tell that he’s happy. It’s all she’s ever wanted for him, and he deserves it.

They find a seat in the back just before the ceremony begins. Damian puts his hand on the back of her chair, steadying her. For once she decides to lean into it, finding it to be a comfort.

Terra’s dress suits her perfectly. It’s whimsical with long sleeves that hang off of her shoulder, with the length of her dress flaring out with floral and vine lace covering the bodice. Her hair is braided down her back with a string of hair pulled out and curled around her face. She’s gorgeous, and she can tell that Gar thinks so too. The love and excitement is pure in both of their eyes solely focused on each other.

The ceremony doesn’t last long, but it is beautiful and genuine, and Raven stands and claps with everyone else as the newly weds are announced. Terra and Garfield practically race back down the aisle.

It’s a welcoming sight. Raven smiles softly the entirety of the reception, even when meeting Jamie’s fiancée. From the moment she sees them she knows it’s a good match.

“They look good together,” Damian says from beside her with two glasses of water in each hand. He gives one to her.

“Yes, they do. I’m sure we’ll be getting another invitation soon.”

“How are you feeling?” he asks her.

“I’m okay actually. Thank you… for earlier.” She runs a nervous hand down the length of her dress to smooth it out.

“You don’t ever have to thank me Raven.”

He stays with her the rest of the night, which more than a few people notice, Donna included. When she smirks in Raven’s direction she doesn’t even scowl back.

For some reason her mind is more at ease than it has been in weeks.

The trade at the docks happens the next night.

It’s around 3 o’clock in the morning whenever a small fishing boat slips up with the mooring line. Three people, dressed head to toe in black, get out with multiple coolers that look dubious. Mostly likely drugs . Then from the right, five more meet them on the dock, dressed the same.

Damian signals to her from the other side of the building, and she nods her understanding. She presses the button on her cloak silently, alerting the JCPD of their location.

They take them by surprise, but they recover quickly. A few of them barricade behind barrels while Damian starts to fight off the three that are scrambling back inside the boat.

It’s not until Raven hears the first gunshot when she realizes they all have weapons.

It takes her another moment to realize the gun had been aimed at her whenever the sharp pain flares at her side, and her hand presses it. When she brings it back up to her face shakily it’s covered in blood.

Then more start to ring out, and Raven drops to her knees. She remembers that Damian is on the other side of the group of thugs still fighting on the boat. He hadn’t seen her get shot, still hasn’t had the time to even look in her direction. She tosses up a quick shield just before bullets rain down in his direction. They bounce off her shields uselessly and Raven releases a breath she doesn’t realize she’s holding.

Another wave of her power throws everyone in the crossfire back. Some hit the water with a loud splash while others scrape up against concrete away from the docks. Damian takes advantage of the momentary distraction, apprehending everyone still on the ground with quick, practiced motions.

Raven attempts to stand, but stumbles back to her knees. She feels around the wound, her finger prodding for the bullet that’s still lodged inside. She bites back a cry at the pain, her teeth gritting. It will need to come out before she can heal herself, but she’s starting to lose more blood than she’s comfortable with. She takes off her cloak. The material is too strong to tear so she wraps the entire thing around her waist anyway. It will have to do.

As Damian pulls the last one out of water and throws him on the ground, black spots are beginning to dance in her vision.

She can hold on until he finishes the job. They’ve been looking into this lead for weeks, she won’t ruin it all by letting him know that she’s bleeding out. I can make it.

Squatting is no longer an option. Raven finds herself forced to lay down on the concrete, her hand tucked into her side to staunch as much of the blood as she can. The pain heightens to a point that makes the rest of her body feel numb.

She clings to consciousness as long as she can, until she’s sure that Damian has arrested them all. The police will be here at any moment and can take over.

By the time Damian finally looks up and is searching for her the adrenaline wears off. All she feels is pain, so whenever unconsciousness calls back out to her she answers.

He finds her as she’s losing the battle.

“Shit, shit. Raven!”

She’s fading rapidly when he reaches her. One hand cradles the back of her head while the other presses into her wound. She hisses weakly.

His voice sounds like it’s underwater.

“Hold on Raven, not yet,” he presses on her wound more insistently, the pain causing her to stay conscious. Then he’s pulling out gauze and hydrogen peroxide and medical scissors from his belt.

His words are rushed and thick with emotion, “I need you to stay awake, you’re losing too much blood. You have to portal us to the med-bay now. You won’t make it if you don’t.”

It sounds like too much, every breath is more agonizing and tiresome than the last.

“ Please habibti, you have to try.”

Her eyes open at the pleading in his voice.

With her remaining strength she does her best to meet his request, and portals them back to the tower.

The look in his eyes is the last thing that she sees before she drowns in a sea of darkness.

Fear.

There’s no noise when she wakes.

She’s in her healing trance, hovering above the hospital bed. By the familiarity of the metal walls she knows that they made it to the med-bay. A sweep of the room also tells her that she almost didn’t make it. Blood covered just about every instrument. The bullet lays in a tray beside her. She looks down at herself, noticing for the first time that she’s not wearing anything except for a pair of sweatpants. Her entire upper body is covered in gauze. Specks of blood dot where she had been shot. She won’t need to change it again fortunately, her healing trance had made sure of that.

Her eyes continue to scan the room until she sees Damian, hunched over in a chair right beside her. His head is in his hands, not yet knowing that she’s awake. His hair is askew. She imagines that he probably ran his hands through it over and over. He’s still wearing his uniform, covered in her blood. Guilt sweeps through her, knowing that she’s the cause of so much worry.

“Damian,” she whispers.

He jolts upright so fast that the metal chair falls backwards. He doesn’t care, his eyes are on hers as he grasps her hand.

“Raven, you made it,” he chokes on his words. “Do you need me to change your dressing?”

“No I don’t think so.” she tells him softly, then lowers herself on the bed to lay down. He helps her adjust. “I think I’ll be sore for a while, but I’m okay. Thank you for saving me.”

He sighs deeply, “You scared me Raven. Never do that again. Never wait to tell me if you’ve been hurt. You could have died. You almost did .”

“I know,” she whispers, squeezing his hand, “I’m sorry.”

They’re silent for a few minutes, with Damian stroking her hand with his fingers. She lets him, figuring that he needs the touch to remind himself that it was just a close call, nothing more.

“Did the JCPD get all the arrests?” she asks, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” Damian says, pinching the bridge of his nose with his other hand, “They found fentanyl in the coolers. Enough to OD the entire city. Interrogations are going on right now. They think they’re just pawns in a much bigger drug deal.”

“That makes sense,” she says, chewing on his words, “Looks like almost dying was worth it.” She jokes darkly.

“No,” He shoots her a sharp glare, “Almost losing you was not worth it Raven. It will never be worth it. When will you realize that?”

The veracity in his words is like a slap in the face. She recoils at them. “I’m sorry Damian, I was just trying to do the right thing.”

He breathes deep, seemingly at war with himself on how to respond. He settles for acceptance. “I know you did, I’m not going to say that it was okay, because it wasn’t. But it happened, and at least you’re here. Just don’t do that again.”

She swallows the lump in the back of her throat. “Okay.”

“Get some rest, I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Thank you Damian, I am too.”

Damian isn’t there when she wakes, but this time she’s in her own bed. She smiles softly, knowing that Damian probably wanted her to be more comfortable, but also didn’t want to intrude in her space.

A familiar feeling blossoms in her chest that Raven wants to pull back down, but she doesn’t. She lets it stay, and the longer it does, the more she realizes it’s not as scary as she thinks it is.

It grows with each thought of the past few weeks. All the little moments that Raven had ignored, now resurfacing with a renewed vigor. It pumps through her veins, filling her completely.

It all hits her at once.

She doesn’t know how she could have been so oblivious to it all.

Maybe she did see it, but favored ignorance so that things wouldn’t have to change.

But change happens whether I like it or not.

She gets up, pushing past the aching muscles in her side to get dressed. Confronting her feelings is long overdue, and she can’t afford to put it off any longer. Not with the thought of dying without telling Damian about how she feels.

She finds him outside, looking out across the bay. Laps of water splash gently against the rocks. The wind whips her hair as she draws closer. If Damian notices her presence he doesn’t acknowledge it. She can see that he’s deep in thought with the far away look on his face, brows knitted together.

She sits down beside him.

He meets her stare when she looks at him. She takes a breath, it’s now or never.

“You love me,” she states, looking into his eyes for confirmation. His expression doesn’t change, he’s not surprised. He just stares right back.

“Yes,” he says simply.

Raven sucks in a breath, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You weren’t ready for me to tell you,” he says as his eyes soften, “It would have scared you.”

“That’s — true,” she admits with a frown, “I’m still scared, but, I love you too.”

He smiles, “I know.”

“You do?”

“Yes, but that’s okay. I didn't mind waiting for you to figure it out.”

She laughs then, bewildered by him. The wind reveals the dog tags underneath his shirt, and Raven decides to ask again.

“Will you tell me what the other one means now?”

He recites to her first in Arabic. A poem.

“في أيّام الصيف.. أَتمدّد على رمال الشاطئ وأمارس هوايةَ التفكير بكِ.. لو أنّني أقول للبحر.. ما أشعر به نحوكِ لترك شواطئَه.. وأصدافَه.. وأسماكَه.. وتبعني”

Then he holds her stare when he translates, “ In the summer I stretch out on the shore And think of you. Had I told the sea What I felt for you, It would have left its shores, Its shells, Its fish, And followed me.”

With tears in her eyes she reaches for him so that she can rest her forehead against his.

“I love you.”

He responds to her in kind, his mouth whispering against her lips for the first time.

“I love you too.”