blrb.

My problems right now at the age of 21 might look insignificant when I'm 30...so I'll just write everything down here as a personal history/Diary to look back at later

[hhyfsv]

January 26, 2017 3:20pm I had a sudden urge to listen to music from my island today. The jam.

[hhyfsv]

January 18, 2017 7:28pm Just finished reading this book. My life is forever changed. I am brand new. I feel so overwhelmingly enlightened. There are tears in my eyes and my heart is beating fast.. but I'm not crying... I feel so different... My heart just bursted open.

[hhyfsv]

December 29, 2016

7:45pm Can I just travel? I just wanna travel. Getting paid for it would be even better. I wanna get my Anthony Bourdain on. He's got it made. I like that.

[hhyfsv]

Thursday December 22, 2016

6:45am The sun is rising and I only just took a shower and I'm about to barely go to sleep. I cannot believe I spent 6 HOURS watching Dr. PimplePopper videos on YouTube.... 6 HOURS!! 😳 I could have finished The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime audiobook... smh That's what I'll do today when I wake up then. I like that. I like not having obligations and choosing my own activities for the day :) Praise vacation! 🙌🏾🙌🏾 Okay going to sleep now.

[hhyfsv]

Tuesday December 20, 2016

11:40pm

I cleaned my whole house today! Oh boy does it feel nice to be in a clean space… 😌👌🏾

Feeling a bit better:)

Just escaped me that I didn’t do a 22nd Birthday post back in September. That night Keith threw me a Birthday party with our friends at a bowling alley and they helped me test my alcohol limits:) I was druuuuunk! They all bought me shots and drinks that night it was really fun, then we went for pizza afterwards. That was some good ass pizza 🍕 btw. I think that was the most drunk I've ever been. No hangovers for me yet. Just thought I'd write this down so that I wouldn't forget in 10-20 years. Assuming Tumblr still exists and I can come back and still read all these posts.

[hhyfsv]

2:22am Ugh! I fucking hate crying! Once I start I can't stop. I don't wanna cry myself to sleep tonight. Gonna try to find some funny vines first. I think all my feelings are just worse now because I'm not in school or working right now. Generally, if I keep busy I can keep this shit at bay, but I have nothing to do now, on winter break ... so everything is worse x1000. I don't want to feel like this anymore! No wonder I rushed into things with Kelvin, poor thing.. Or maybe I'm really emotional right now and these day because of my period? I started on Saturday... But my pms is usually before... and even so, I'm not THAT bad.. What the hell is going on with me? Maybe it's because I CHOOSE to be sad... can people choose to be sad? Can you choose to be happy even when you're not? Ok I don't know what the hell im saying now..

[onlytwitterpics]

[hhyfsv]

1:08am

Oh my God. Well if that ain’t the truth. I’m now watching this show called Lovesick on Netflix and I’m crying my eyes out because I connect with one of the characters so much!

Shit!

[hhyfsv]

Today was alright :)

[hhyfsv]

Monday December 19, 2016

12:00am Today my sister asked me to go with her to her dermatologist appointment, and I saw it as an opportunity to leave the house and try to look like a human being after being cooped up in the house for a week. So I showered, got dressed, put on a little makeup and left. It was in the car that I noticed I wasn't wearing a bra. 😏 I felt so free. No wonder I was in a good mood today. A good enough mood to take pictures and shit.

[hhyfsv]

Sunday December 18th, 2016

4:28am Can't sleep... I really hate this..! I consider myself a good sleeper in general.. I fall asleep easily and I sleep for a long time. but I have noticed that this "temporary insomnia" happens to me when I'm either worried, when I have too much on my mind, and when I feel bad/guilty/shitty. I think it's the 3rd one that won't let me sleep tonight..poor Kelvin.. I've been listening to Coldplay's earlier stuff tonight.. it helps mellow me out. Let's hope it helps me relax to the point of sleep. ✌🏾

[hhyfsv]

Thursday December 15,2016

11:00pm

I just broke Kelvin’s heart…😞 I’m such an ass..

But I couldn’t continue..

[hhyfsv]

Wednesday December 7th, 2016

9:50pm Still can't get myself to keep watching Narcos... damn it!

[hhyfsv]

1:45am I got tired of him in a little over a month.. Shiiiiid. I need to be more careful about jumping into something so quick next time. If there is a next time.

[hhyfsv]

December 4th, 2016

1:41am I can't sleep. Kelvin told me he loved me, and I realized that I can never love him. Which makes it easier for me to know that I'm making the right decision in letting him go. But it's harder on him. But also, he doesn't know what he's saying, he doesn't really love me... he just really likes me and he thinks that's love... I'll have to break up with him after New Years but before the semester starts again. *sigh* I wanted to like him as much as he likes me.. I tried very hard. I thought I had real feelings but I was just lonely. But I would rather be single than keep being with him. I feel bad too because he's a really nice guy.. but there no "umff" (I thought there was in the beginning, but that was wishful thinking/wanting). He's just really dull.. Duller than I am..lol At least I am not doubting whether I'll be making a mistake by breaking up with him. I know for sure that I'll never love him. I'll never love anyone again. (I used to think people who said that were stupid.. but I see what they meant). Even if I do get to love someone... it'll never be as intense and intimate as my previous relationship. Woah.. that's really sad... Damn. Well at least I have my friends, and Netflix, and 🍷.

[michellepsychologist]

[the colour option]

[hhyfsv]

Well I'll be..

[hhyfsv]

Sunday October 23, 2016

So much happened tonight! Half of the homecoming court is comprised of SAA members! After the pageant Kelvin took me to the park again where he sang for me telling me that he's fallen for me. I cried a little. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yesss. We made out for a long time... I'm his first kiss..he said it was worth the wait. I said I'm a terrible kisser, and he said he liked it even though he has nothing to compare it to. He's so sweet I just need to give him a makeover

[hhyfsv]

4:57pm Is it weird that I feel terrible for continuing my life knowing she's gone? Like my being happy with the way my life is going makes me feel guilty.