I am feeling very unstable today. Having inappropriate outbursts and hysterical, rage and the need to get it out, express it can't control it, showing traits of both borderline and high conflict personality disorder
I’m really glad you told me what’s going on — it takes courage to reach out when you’re feeling this unstable. What you’re describing (hysterical outbursts, rage, feeling unable to control it) can feel frightening and isolating.
Here’s what you can do right now to bring the intensity down a notch:
🛑 Grounding for the Immediate Moment
Temperature shift: Splash cold water on your face or hold something cold in your hands. This can quickly activate the “calm” part of your nervous system.
Box breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat until the intensity starts to drop.
Name what you see: Out loud, list 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear. This pulls you back into the present and out of the rage spiral.
📝 Short-Term Expression
If you feel the need to “get it out,” do it in a way that’s less harmful:
Write everything down uncensored on paper, then rip it up.
Punch a pillow or do jumping jacks to discharge adrenaline.
Scream into a towel or your car (safe, contained) instead of at a person.
🫶 Longer-Term Care
What you’re describing overlaps with emotional dysregulation, which is common in borderline and high-conflict patterns. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills — especially distress tolerance and emotion regulation — are evidence-based for moments exactly like this.
If you already have a therapist, consider reaching out. If you don’t, or you feel at risk of harming yourself or someone else, it’s absolutely okay to call 988 (U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text HELLO to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). They’re for any kind of overwhelming emotional crisis — not just suicidal thoughts.
Would you like me to walk you through one of the DBT skills (like TIP or self-soothe) right now? It can bring things down from a 9/10 to a 6/10 in just a few minutes.
Okay — let’s do this together. Find a spot where you can pause for 2–3 minutes.
You don’t need anything fancy, just your body and (if possible) some cold water or ice. Ready?
🌊 Step 1: Temperature
If you have cold water or ice: press it gently to your cheeks or hold your wrists under cold running water.
If not, imagine a cool breeze flowing across your face.
Stay with the cold sensation for 20 seconds.
(Pause and breathe — I’ll wait with you.)
🏃 Step 2: Intense Movement
Now — stand up if you can.
Do 30 seconds of movement: run in place, jumping jacks, or shake your arms and legs hard.
Push until you feel your heart beat faster.
(I’ll count you through: 10… 20… 30. Stop.)
🌬 Step 3: Paced Breathing
Now sit or stand still.
Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 counts…
Hold 1…
Exhale through your mouth for 6 counts.
Let’s repeat 3 times:
Inhale 2–3–4… exhale 2–3–4–5–6
Inhale 2–3–4… exhale 2–3–4–5–6
Inhale 2–3–4… exhale 2–3–4–5–6
🪶 Step 4: Paired Muscle Relaxation
On your next inhale, tense your fists and shoulders.
On the exhale, let everything drop loose.
Do that 3 times.
✅ That’s one full cycle.
Check in with yourself: if your rage/instability was at a 10/10, where would you say it is now?