goldenflower being horrified to learn the man she trusted, the man she had kits with, the man she loved, attempted to murder her dear childhood friend, their clanโs leader.
goldenflower not being able to look bluestar in the eye after tigerclaw is exiled. she knows deep down sheโs not to blame, but the idea she was so infatuated with a man who would soon attempt to kill for purely selfish and evil reasons haunts her to her core.
goldenflower feeling hollow and yet so full of despair, like a rock sinking helplessly into the river, when she receives the news that it was because of tigerclawโs betrayal and jealousy that her brother died in that battle. that his and rosetailโs deaths were completely avoidable, and that her past mate was the reason they happened.
goldenflower feeling a deep, burning hatred, one hot enough to burn a thousand forests to ashes, when she discovers that swiftpaw, her firstborn son, someone who tigerclaw seemed to get along with so well, was torn apart by the dogs that tigerclaw lead into the forest. that her baby boy never got to become a warrior after he waited so long and tried so hard, all because of him, makes her claws ache, desperate to sink them into that terrible manโs throat.
goldenflower feeling so incredibly guilty, a feeling akin to being crushed by a hundred stones, whenever she looks at brightpaw. such a sweet, beautiful girl. her sonโs best friend. inseparable, the two of them were. she looks at brightpawโs disfigured face, chewed and spat out like a rejected play thing, and yearns for the life that was ripped away from that poor girl.
golden watching her sister tirelessly treat brightpaw, forced to become a medicine cat after falling for a cruel trap left for bluestar and feeling so hopelessly lost and confused. why would starclan punish so many cats with tigerclawโs treacherous greed? why did cinderpeltโs dreams have to be crushed so ruthlessly? why did brightpaw have to suffer? why did swiftpaw and lionheart and runningwind and brindleface and redtail have to die? why was she cursed to fall in love with a murderer? why?
goldenflower staring blankly at bramblepaw, the only piece of her heart she has left, as her brings her fresh kill and encourages her to eat. her daughter is gone, left her without saying goodbye to join her father, for a reason goldenflower will never understand. she can only hope her dear tawnypaw is still alive. bramblepaw is all she has left, and cruelly, as if another terrible joke from starclan, he looks like a spitting image of the man she once loved.
goldenflower, who can only hope, with guilt and sorrow threatening to drown her, that her precious son turns out nothing like his father. that he will be kind, caring, compassionate, a loving mate, and perhaps even a wonderful leader. bramblepaw is old enough to make his own choices in life now, without his mother doting on him constantly. she can only hope, with all her broken heart, that he makes the right ones.
