Actually Alive!
Explanation for the unfortunate absence under the cut! A second post without any personal information about me is coming regarding what's going to be happening on this blog will be coming up, so feel free to skip this one!
It's not something I keep secret, but since I also try not to make personal posts on (semi) professional (read: non personal) blogs, I probably haven't mentioned it. So this is me mentioning it: I do happen to live with a number of medical conditions, most of them (not all) mental/emotional. The one that keeps me most distracted is the clinical depression and the host of anxiety disorders that I've been juggling my entire life.
This sounds like the set up of an excuse, but since (for some astonishing reason) there are still a whole lot of people following I feel like I owe you at least an explanation. So that is my terrible, weak, not-super-explanatory explanation. Around March/April the once-manageable school load started to get heavier, and I also had to make some life decisions. Namely, the decision to not exacerbate my problems and stay an extra fifth year in college to give myself plenty of time finish my degree (including a major in English, minor in Psychology, a certificate in writing, and my job in the writing center).
Right around then I started hitting another low, something I hadn't dealt with in a long, long time. Pro tip: if anyone guilts you into thinking recovery is a straight line up, do not let them. My last low was two entire years ago- even during they sneak up on you and there's not much to do except try to love yourself and let yourself feel and bleed and hurt for a while. (Though there are things you can do in terms of therapy and medication! Neither of which hold an ounce of shame.) Needless to say, I barely had enough spoons to get out of bed at certain points.
Currently, the low is getting a little worse in terms of physical energy. But mentally I'm in a much better place. So let me say right now:
I am so sorry.
Occasionally, in the future, I will disappear for stretches at a time. As much as I love having an online presence (as small as it is), I have learned over the past four years (and more, but four years ago is when a lot of these problems turned from potential to kinetic) that I have to put myself first or I'll never be able to stay on the recovery path.
I'm sorry! I'm here- if I ever close up shop for good, I'll absolutely notify you. And I'll never delete so that you all are following a ghost blog (god knows how much I hate that.)
If you stuck around- wow. Wow. How great are you- you're wonderful, magical, beautiful people. Keep doin' the good thing and stay lovely!
