i'm going to die here.

diary blog for shslhirashi.

[hirasdiary]

entry 20.

[ENTRY 20 HAS BEEN TORN OUT.]

[hirasdiary]

entry 19

i love him i love him i love him

i hope he loves me

[hirasdiary]

entry 18.

i don't really care anymore

a girl died? and i'm more upset about where she died rather than the fact that she's dead

i mean

is it really my fault that the greenhouse was my favorite? i love it there especially with him but now all i can think of is deaddeaddead and if shes dead how long will it take until 

he is

we are

i am dead

[hirasdiary]

entry 17.

should i be more upset about the amount of people who've died

i can't be, really

it's like i'm numb at this point

it's almost like i'm dead

i mean, i should be

i certainly deserve it, don't i?

[hirasdiary]

entry 16.

net idol, wrester lady, puppets, actuary, pinball, cosmetology, lolita, baby doctor, nakunaru, ginji, toru notde ad not d ead, akemi, nikki

[hirasdiary]

** SELF HARM TW **

entry 14

I really don't want to, but...

I guess I should document this in case I die or whatever but.

I hurt burned myself again.

After it really sunk in that Toru was gone. And that I'd be alone ag ai n

It hurt so much more on top of the old stuff. It's really sore. I went to the infirmary and found some stuff that might help, if only to dull the pain a little.

If someone yasu notices, I'm not sure what I'll do. I don't exactly have a cover for it here. Yasu already knows that it's sensitive there, because I fucked up and di dn't pretend I was fine i'm so rry im sor ry

But... Oh, well. 

I've dealt with it hurting. I just hope it didn't get high up on my neck. I won't be able to wear high collars then, but then everyone will see. 

[hirasdiary]

entry 15

Well, thanks to myself being a fucking dumbass who can't even stop bitching about his life long enough to stop crying on the paper, I'm not sure what number this is.

Oh well.

Toru is dead. He killed Nakunaru and Ginji. He didn't deserve it. I want him to come back. He was the first friend I had. Really. He even knew how to sign.

He kissed me and gave me Cream.  

For some reason that makes it hurt more.

I've never had a pet though, so maybe this will be fun.

...

I'm dating Yasu and even with all that sad shit up there I can't stop smiling. As I said before... He's not... He's not like the others. He won't leave. He told me he won't. and if he told m e he cant?? right?? 

We all know "love" is something unattainable for me, but... Ahhhhhhh. It's confusing. 

I'm going to try not to think about it for now.

[hirasdiary]

???

kaz you re not here to be mad you re never here where are you where are you where are you

why did you go why did you go why did you go why whyw hyw whyw whyw hyw wyhw???

hes not you yasu isnt you but hes bett erhe does nt leave he doesnt get mad hes not mad but he doesnt know 

wh at if he gets ma d ? ? / what if he s like yuo and do esnt like it 

bu it s not my fault its not myf aul t i pr omise

ple ase dont be an gry 

[hirasdiary]

entry 13?

k az im sor ry pl eeas e dont be mmmad

[hirasdiary]

entry 12

p l  e as e donnnn t   b e mmm ad i d i dnt mmmean to agai  n 

i t hurts 

[hirasdiary]

entry 11.

i t hu  rts i t hyuerts im so rry i didnt m ean t o im s o r ry pl ease d ont be mmmm ad

it h  urt  s 

[hirasdiary]

entry 10.

I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’mfineI’mfineI’mfineI’mfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfine

imfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfine

imfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfine

imfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfineimfine

[hirasdiary]

entry 9.

he actually likes me

[hirasdiary]

entry 8.

There's new people, apparently. I think I'd be more inclined to care about them if I could stop smiling. I'm just... Giddy. I'll write more later.

[hirasdiary]

entry 7.

Someone died, again. It's horrific. I don't think she deserved something so cruel. No one did. I hope someone can figure it out. Maybe the ripperologist? She's into that stuff, right? But now, I'm just worried about my own friends. If they're not okay, I'd... I don't know. I don't want to think about it.

[hirasdiary]

entry 6?

its so hda rk i ts so dda rk i ts so da kr fuckiugn kill me it s so d ark iam so u sel ess

[hirasdiary]

entry 5.

I know I said I wouldn't, but here I am, actually liking people. It's terrible. I'm fucked. Anyway... If... If any of them die, I don't know what I'll do. I'm almost expecting it, honestly. Knowing my luck? I just don't know when.