Is there any advice you can give to a female wanting to be more submissive to her partner?
This is such a great question because itâs had me really thinking. Iâve been sitting on this a few days because i didnât want to rush the answer just like You cannot rush the evolution of submission.
The answer is really based on personal experience. Ask yourself, âWhy canât i submit?â âWhat is missing?âItâs hard for me not to direct this answer to the Dominant partner. Why? Because we rely on you to navigate for us. We are afraid to say what we need. We are subs, itâs our nature to accommodate until we are frustrated and then we either ghost or have a breakdown. A safe space must be made for open communication to flourish.
I donât know the specific situation or road block to submission in your particular scenario, so therefore please hold while i go on a Princess Pinky rant⌠itâs been a hot minute.
Currently Daddy and I are exploring a new dynamic with a Pet and itâs important for me to remind myself of the following as well. In any relationship the key is to care for one another. In a D/s relationship thereâs so much more to navigate emotionally. When you are hurting someone through love, or receiving pain through love- many more complicated feels and complex issues arise than a traditional relationship. Not to mention the majority of decisions will fall on a Dom(me) Tread carefully.Clearly define your boundaries. Even the silly ones. Reevaluate as you go. Donât hesitate to over communicate. Things will change and evolve and need to addressed with a sense of urgency.
Submission is a gift based upon trust. Trust is built through consistent and open communication in a place of zero judgment. Submission is built on love. Maybe not love in the traditional sense, but love is a powerful feeling. If you are lacking consistency, love, trust and communication- or if you have unresolved negative emotions with your Dom(me), you will have some type of block keeping you from exploring deeper submission. Make a clearing in its place and bravely deal with issues as they arise.
I cannot stress enough- COMMUNICATE. Make time with your Dom(me) where it is a safe space free of judgement. Speak partner to partner NOT in your D/s typical roles. Evaluate and renegotiate whatâs working and whatâs not.
There is no place in the D/s lifestyle for lying, dishonesty, omissions of truth. You must place your egos aside and LISTEN to your partner and communicate and resolve any source of negativity. Everything in life has a price tag. The price of submission has made you the emotional caretaker of your sub. Itâs not easy: you must be strong and loving. His/her emotional well-being needs to be nurtured like a fragile plant. Subs the pricetag for you is vulnerability, exposure, insecurity and discomfort. When you bare your soul, you will be exposed and you will find strength and peace within that context. Like i have said time and time again, this is not a lifestyle for the weak of spirit.
Do you make time to care for your partner as a person outside of your D/s roles? Send them songs, get them tiny gifts, leave them notes. It is your responsibility to create a safe space for them to tell you what they need from you without getting defensive. For a sub, itâs very difficult to navigate this conversation with a Dom (me) without their Dom(me)âs support. For Doms, itâs a difficult feeling when you become overwhelmed with the responsibility of 24/7 care of another human. This is what you signed up for- remember this is what you asked for. You want a partner who will trust you being choked unconscious, spit on, defiled, degraded, restrained and beaten? Take the time to show you care. All the time. There is a reason my Post of @hitman3030 tying my shoe is my #1 reblogged Post time and time again. I was molded in to an amazing sub for the right Dom. He holds my door, sends me songs, gets hard when i ugly cry. He would do anything for me⌠i have no doubt. He is my moon in a starless sky and he believes i hang the sun in the morning.
A sub submits deeply when feeling loved and safe. We need to know each and every ugly corner of our soul is loved. That happens over time. The deeper you go down the rabbit hole, the more emotions a Dom(me) needs to sort through. You must do it without blame or judgement. Being a sub feels like youâre constantly exposed. Have you ever had a skinned knee as a kid and had to walk home bleeding, damaged and dirty? Your knee stings and you feel bruised and like a failure, but oddly proud of yourself for getting up and making it home, limping and everything⌠you know when you get home youâll have someone to take care of your knee, clean you up- bandage it, kiss your boo boo and make you tea. In my experience- thatâs who my Dom is. Daddy doesnât care how broken and dirty i get- he doesnât blame me. He tends to that mess no matter whatâs going on in his life or mine. When the tears are gone he will always have a band aid.Then we have protocol to deal with the mess.
Always have Protocol. We need rules and consistency. You cannot be inconsistent. Write your rules out. Memorize them. Repeat them. Always.
What are the rules?I belong to Daddy.I do what Iâm told.I donât cum without permission.I always answer when spoken to.
Who are you?I am Daddyâs princess.I am Daddyâs whore.I am Daddyâs good girl.I am Daddyâs anal slut.
No Two D/s relationships are the same- but they all have rules.When a rule is broken- punishment is necessary. When a task is not done, a punishment is necessary. When a task is done well praise is needed. Praise is needed quickly. Donât ask a sub to perform a task if youâre not available to respond. 100% your sub now feels used, dirty, and is a crying mess. I need attention immediately when i finish an assignment. If i donât get that- i probably wonât complete my next task because i feel like whatâs the point. If punishment hasnât been dealt quickly- strong chance Iâm going to see what else i can get always with. As with everything- consistency is key.
This life takes 24/7 attention. Subs are clingy- if you donât have the time for that. If messy, raw, and needy arenât your thing- this life is not for you.
Congrats youâre at the end
Pinky out.(I didnât proof read this and Iâm hopped up on cold meds so excuse the errors)
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