unrequited

i had a dream that you were mine

[historytc]

Intro post ig bc I’ve never had one of these before

About me:

- former college student

- chopped girl who’s a loser

- 23 y/o (unc status in this community ik), I’ve had this blog since I was 19 and in college though

About my tc:

- I don’t have a code name for him ngl, he’s just “my tc”

- I met him during my freshman year of college and I’ve been in love with him ever since

- huge age gap bc he’s an old bastard but irdgaf

- no longer teaches me but I keep in touch with him and see him irl every once in a blue moon

- imo the loml and my soulmate, he’s someone I consider a best friend and I like to think the feeling is at least partially mutual. I started this blog when I started liking him but I haven’t been able to get over him since

[historytc]

ik I don’t really post nsfw on here (I’m shy idk) but this is bothering me so bad and I can’t tell any of my irl friends this so whatever onto here it goes

I genuinely cannot allow myself to think of my tc in any capacity when I’m jerking off anymore because it makes me burst into tears after I finish and I can’t stop crying. normally I’d be like well yeah this happens, real life isn’t porn and I understand the mental aspect of it but the thing about it that makes me feel insane is he’s literally the only thing that makes me do that, anything else (even thinking of other men I have very strong feelings for) never has. so like.

before anyone sends me to go see Freud I honestly don’t think it’s guilt/regret because I #lowkey don’t feel bad about thinking about him like that and I haven’t for a WHILE atp lol so I don’t know what the fuck is up with that and it’s really annoying. sucks because I’d really prefer to jerk off to the thought of the man I’m genuinely in love with (much love to my celebrity crushes but I’m a romantic at heart) but I just don’t want to deal with having a mini breakdown most of the time

[historytc]

the real issue between us isn’t even the age gap tbh it’s the fact that he’s old enough to have known several people who died of lung cancer and I’m a raging nicotine addict

[luvingquill]

it's not stalking if it's public information 🫶

[historytc]

also when he was telling me about his relationship problems he said “maybe it’s odd that I’m telling you of all people this” but before I could say anything he went “well with our age difference I don’t mind, it doesn’t bother me to talk about this with you” #whatdatmean

[historytc]

putting this under a read more bc it’s just gonna be my stream of consciousness about my tc’s relationship idk

He really opened up to me about his relationship the other night and I’m honestly shocked bc that’s the one thing he’s never talked to me about. I always used to bitch to my friends about how he’ll talk with me about anything except for his gf but I wasn’t about to ask even if I am close with him because quite frankly that’s his business. But for some reason he decided to tell me about it now. It’s not a happy relationship to him. He says that looking back it was a mistake from the beginning and all that, they’re not compatible. They do have a kid but he says his gf is gonna move in the relatively near future and he’s not going with her so that’ll be it for them.

I feel like an evil person for saying it’s a weight off my shoulders to know all that but you know how it is. It’s just weird now bc 1.) while I appreciate that he feels comfortable enough to tell me about VERY personal things I don’t know why that started now and 2.) it does make me wonder. I think even if he is attracted to me in some way he’d probably rather chew glass than admit it because he’s a good person and our friendship has always been entirely appropriate and positive, but I’ve never been oblivious to the fact that he’s an older man and I’m a young woman who likes to give him attention. I talk to him about my own issues with men but I feel like that’s a lot different than him telling me about his problems. So idk, it’s all just odd

[laceycl0uds]

i love the way he says my name ໒꒰ྀི ˶> ˕ <˶꒱ྀི১

[historytc]

I understand that any feelings of jealousy I might have towards the people in my tc’s life are fairly juvenile and selfish but he told me that he and his long term gf sleep in separate rooms and it’s such a relief that it makes me feel like an evil person lmfao

[historytc]

he took a sip of my drink last night 💀 we were at a bar and I got a dirty shirley and he asked me what a shirley temple is and I went “you’ve never had one before??” and ig he hadn’t, so before I explained what it is I said “you can try mine if you want, I don’t care.” I really didn’t expect him to actually say yes to that but he immediately was like oh sure and took it 😭 he liked it tho

[historytc]

saw him irl yesterday for the evening

[historytc]

this may be incredibly bitchy but the absolute state of the teacher crush tags these days… maybe I was just younger and dumber and didn’t think certain things were weird way back when but why is it so bad now. and don’t get me started on the adult men posting themselves or being obvious catfishes. so gross.

[historytc]

i don't mean to rant about this because i know the tcc is always gonna skew really young and i just have to deal with it and ik the lolita/coquette/"i love older men so much!!" aesthetic is always gonna be here because it comes with the territory but the teacher crush tags are essentially softcore ddlg porn these days i'm sorry. and the amount of people i've seen being like "i wish i had a hot teacher to fall in love with :(" first of all my culture is not your costume and second of all why tf are you even here then??

[historytc]

this may be incredibly bitchy but the absolute state of the teacher crush tags these days… maybe I was just younger and dumber and didn’t think certain things were weird way back when but why is it so bad now. and don’t get me started on the adult men posting themselves or being obvious catfishes. so gross.

[historytc]

he’s always so close to realizing the truth but he never quite gets there in the end. he texted me something about how “people think the most about what they can’t say” and how all relationships accumulate things you can’t say over time and it’s like. well he’s not wrong. but if he knows that then doesn’t he think there’s also things I can’t say to him, too?

[anyisxoxo]

God forbid a girl likes them 3x her age

[historytc]

not to sound like a coquette girlblogger or anything but he really does have exceptionally nice hands

[historytc]

I’ve known him for nearly 5 years and he still pulls the “I’ll be in your area soon and I’ll let you know in case you want to meet” card as if I’d ever possibly say no to seeing him when he knows I’ve quite literally jumped through hoops to be able to spend time with him

[angelspurging]