ヒスイの恋人

ind. sel. Eiji Okumura of Banana Fish written by Ry

[hisuinokoibito]

@lynxclaws from x

The water tinged pink from the water entering the open wounds that laced his body but he didn’t feel a thing. Nothing to subside his hollow soul that creeps in from the shadows, away from any other human life because it’s emptiness is so consuming it cannot bare to pretend that everything is okay. What light it did once hold, laid in the basement in a mound of ash and charred skin now and it was all his fault. Never again would Ash hear the jovial laugh or unwarranted lecturing from his most trusted confidant, never again would he feel the warmth of his hug or watch Shorter choking up over his moments of exceptional softness.  Never again. When the familiar voice pulls his attention away from the bathroom wall, the question is jarring but still be can’t bring himself to look in the direction of the only other soul who could potentially give a shit about how he was feeling. “About what?” He finally answers, biting back his tongue; praying that Eiji chooses to leave him with his emptiness for just a while longer. He couldn’t bare to face such a softness as the monster he was now.

He can’t bear to leave Ash to suffer in silence like this, he knows how hard it must be on him. Eiji misses Shorter and he hadn't known him for a fraction of the time Ash had, he hates to see his friend in such pain. The empty look in Shorter’s eyes as he fell haunts him and he can't imagine what it felt like to be on Ash’s side of the trigger.

“...About him. About you. Talk to me, Ash, it’ll hurt more if you keep it inside. Please.”

He wants to lay a hand on his shoulder, wants to offer to help him clean up, but Ash won’t even look at him and he’s terrified of making things worse. Ash doesn’t deserve any of this, not losing his best friend and certainly not bearing the guilt of being responsible, even if he didn’t have a choice. Part of Eiji wishes Ash had put a bullet through his heart instead of Shorter's, sure that Ash would live without him easier than he would without the other gang leader. Shorter had people relying on him, he was needed, all Eiji had was Ash. 

He wants to help but he doesn’t know how, doesn’t think he can after what happened, but if Ash insists on keeping what he feels to himself, Eiji will be there until he’s ready to talk.

[eneriables]

hhhhghhh i love smooth eiji

[lynxclaws-deactivated20220911]

@hisuinokoibito IM YELLING

[hisuinokoibito]

flyingdragonfang‌:

Sing makes a face at the unmolested target. “You do realize you have to keep your eyes open, right? Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t make it go away. It just makes your target that much harder to hit.”

“Sorry.” It’s different when adrenaline is overriding everything else, when his only option is to shoot and there’s people to be protected, but Eiji has never been much of a fighter. He raises the weapon again and recenters himself, trying to keep his eyes on the target. He’s a little closer this time, but not by much. If his target had been a person, that shot would have hardly slowed them down.

[hisuinokoibito]

a preview of my returning bullshit

[hisuinokoibito]

Eiji: Wanna know how bad of a driver I am? I just got pulled over for a DUI.

Eiji: I am under the influence of absolutely nothing except ice cream.

Eiji: I got dinged for a traffic violation.

[illumelnati]

Practicin’ some Eiji bodies… cus… apparently, he is beefier than Ash 👀 Please do not re-post my artwork! Find me on: Twitter | Instagram

[hisuinokoibito]

@lynxclaws

The words that leave Eiji’s mouth cause a pain in place that had rarely been touched. Ash wanted to argue, he wanted to be logical, he wanted to make Eiji see that the life expectancy of someone such as himself was short, his existence toeing the line with death everyday. What kind of life would it be if all you did was love someone stolen away by unforgiving mortality? The thought about inadvertently causes his jaw to clench; a nostalgia and hope for the future flickering dimly in his mind / maybe just maybe this can be different ; maybe Eiji was the key to freedom & a normal life…. No…  Ash knew deep down there was no real way to leave this life of death & killing.

“I would want you to be happy, Eiji.” He can’t pull himself away from the screen in front of him as he mindlessly scrolls through endless open tabs of whatever he was researching. “If you can’t be happy for yourself, be happy for me.”

If Ash wanted him to be happy, why did he keep pushing him away? Couldn’t he see he was the only thing Eiji wanted? He was trying to make Ash see, and he wouldn’t even look at him!  He huffed, unwilling to back down this time. 

“I want to be happy with you, Ash, I know what the risks are and I still want it.” Ash needed someone to keep him safe as much as Eiji did, even if that was only bandaging his wounds and comforting him through nightmares, and Eiji wanted nothing more than to be there for him. He reached down and unplugged the power cord to the computer, watching Ash’s face as the screen went dark. 

“If you’re going to break my heart, at least have the decency to look at me when you do it.”

[hisuinokoibito]

flyingdragonfang

“Probably not but you don’t really need to. If makes you feel any better, I probably won’t ever be as good with a gun as Ash.” He shrugged lightly as he moved in to guide Eiji’s arms back up. His foot unceremoniously knocked Eiji’s stance into a more stable form. “Come on, we’re going to do it again. This time, I want you to think about why you would point a gun at someone. Who are they threatening? What will happen if you don’t shoot first?”

He nearly loses his balance at Sing’s repositioning, barely catching himself and settling into the stance the younger boy guides him into. It feels more unnatural than how he’s been trying, but he assumes that’s part of why he can’t hit a target and Sing can. He pauses at the questions, thinking of the times he’s seen Ash hurt, bruised and bloodied and how much he wishes he could protect him from that. He takes a breath and stares at the target, trying to imagine the people hurting Ash in its place.  His hands tremble and he does his best to ignore it, eyes squeezing shut as he pulls the trigger.

[littlelovelymemes]

(    *    & .    —    BILLIE  EILISH  LYRICS .

‘  don’t  you  know  i’m  no  good  for  you ?  ’

‘  nothing  ever  stops  you  leaving .  ’

‘  i  could  lie ,  say  i  like  it  like  that .  ’

‘  don’t  you  know  too  much  already ?  ’

‘  i’ll  only  hurt  you  if  you  let  me .  ’

‘  call  me  friend ,  but  keep  me  closer .  ’

‘  nothing  is  better  sometimes .  ’

‘  let  me  let  you  go .  ’

‘  i  just  wish  you  could  feel  what  you  say .  ’

‘  i  know  you  too  well .  ’

‘  if  ‘ i  love  you ’  was  a  promise ,  would  you  break  it  if  you’re  honest ?  ’

‘  i  don’t  wanna  be  you  anymore .  ’

‘  losing  feeling  is  getting  old .  ’

‘  only  you  know  the  way  that  i  break .  ’

‘  if  we  were  meant  to  be ,  we  would’ve  been  by  now .  ’

‘  all  i  see  is  him  right  now .  ’

‘  go  ahead  and  watch  my  heart  burn  with  the  fire  that  you  started  in  me ,  but  i’ll  never  let  you  back  to  put  it  out .  ’

‘  your  love  feels  so  fake .  ’

‘  if  i  could  get  to  sleep ,  i  would  have  slept  by  now .  ’

‘  when  you  call  my  name ,  do  you  think  i’ll  come  running ?  ’

‘  so  good  at  giving  me  nothing .  ’

‘  when  you  close  your  eyes ,  do  you  picture  me ?  ’

‘  you  should  see  me  in  a  crown .  ’

‘  your  silence  is  my  favorite  sound .  ’

‘  i  like  the  way  they  all  scream .  ’

‘  i  think  you’re  pretty .  ’

‘  i’m  not  your  baby .  ’

‘  where’s  my  mind ?  ’

‘  what  an  expensive  fate .  ’

‘  my  v  is  for  vendetta .  ’

‘  thought  that  i’d  feel  better ,  but  now  i  got  a  bellyache .  ’

‘  i  wear  my  noose  like  a  necklace .  ’

‘  i  wanna  make  ‘em  scared .  ’

‘  don’t  be  cautious ,  don’t  be  kind .  ’

‘  i  don’t  belong  to  anyone .  ’

‘  by  the  way ,  you’ve  been  uninvited .  ’

‘  why  so  sad ,  bunny ?  ’

‘  call  me  calloused ,  call  me  cold .  ’

‘  you  better  love  me .  ’

‘  i  would  hate  to  see  you  go .  ’

‘  i  hate  to  be  the  one  that  told  you  so .  ’

‘  you  just  crossed  the  line ,  you’ve  run  out  of  time .  ’

‘  sorry ,  sorry ,  i’m  sorry ,  sorry …  sike .  ’

‘  wake  up  and  smell  the  coffee .  ’

‘  is  your  cup  half  full  or  empty ?  ’

‘  i  love  it  when  you’re  awfully  quiet .  ’

‘  you  don’t  have  to  keep  it  quiet .  ’

‘  i  know  it  makes  you  nervous ,  but  i  promise  you  it’s  worth  it .  ’

‘  i  promise  you  it’s  worth  it  to  show  ‘em  everything  you  kept  inside .  ’

‘  too  shy  to  say ,  but  i  hope  you  stay .  ’

[lynxclaws-deactivated20220911]

                                           𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙴 . 𝙿𝚁𝙸𝚅𝙰𝚃𝙴. 𝙰𝚂𝙷 𝙻𝚈𝙽𝚇.                                                      𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚋𝚋𝚢

[hisuinokoibito]

flyingdragonfang

Sing sighs as he marks how far off the mark he went. Jeez, he could shoot better when he was nine. “Eiji, do you know what every white guy says is his reason for owning an Uzi? It’s protection. In America, everyone has a gun. A lot of them have really good guns that a toddler could use. They will point them at you and have no problem pulling the trigger– and they will point them at people you care about. If someone pointed a gun at Ash or Ibe, would you want the power to protect them?”

“I do, but...” He does want to be able to protect them, but he wishes he didn’t have to have a gun to do it. He’s seen what people are capable of- there’s no way he’ll ever be able to handle a weapon well enough to keep up with the like of Ash and Sing. He wants to keep them out of trouble, but a gun isn’t going to be how he does it, it can’t. This isn’t his world, he’ll never be able to hold his own against people who were raised in it. He’ll always hesitate on the trigger, and he knows it. “I don’t think I’ll ever be very good at this, not like you and Ash.”

[hisuinokoibito]

@flyingdragonfang replied to your post

“Then you suck and that’s why you’re practicing. Alright, now, keep your eyes on the target.”

He wants to be offended by that but Sing is right, his aim isn’t great. He takes a breath and focuses on the target, raising the weapon- and when he pulls the trigger, the bullet goes wide. He stares at the hole he left in the wall with a sigh. “I don’t plan on needing to shoot things that often, you know.” Only if he has to, for Ash.

[hisuinokoibito]

"It's not that weird to do target practice indoors, Eiji. Here, you've held a gun before."

“That doesn’t mean I’m very good at it... What if I hit something I shouldn’t? That’s not a very big target.” He gingerly takes the weapon that’s offered, trying to remember what Ash showed him.

[hisuinokoibito]

kisses his cheek

Oh! He smiles, eyes raising to meet Ash’s. “Please be safe, okay? I’ll be waiting for you.” 

[hisuinokoibito]

test

Test

Test

Test