this is not a dream.

I think there's a flaw in my code. these voices won't leave me alone. my heart is gold, and my hands are cold. kim sujin. 26. he/him. half-blood. intern at city hall.

[hjxyeongi]

"My parents keep going on about our standing in the community," he said. Up until a few months ago, that was one of the most important things in his life. Now, it seemed unimportant in comparison. The only reason he wanted to keep his standing was to bring justice for his uncle. "They don't care that he's gone. I guess they might have if he favored my brother. Though, maybe not even then."

He feels a flood of anger in him. He feels limited emotions lately. Anger. Sadness. Only those two and nothing else. He sighs though. He does genuinely like Sujin. So, he puts on the effort of a smile. "I guess the enforcers can last a night without me. Let's go get plastered. I know a bar nearby." Supernaturals didn't usually frequent it, as it was a favorite haunt among the enforcers.

[hjxsujin]

oh, shit.

it had been his own suggestion, and yet he immediately felt regret pool in his stomach. he was sure yeongi would drink him under the table. hell, a wet sponge could soak up more beer than him. his tolerance was ridiculously low. a side effect of his medications? probably. shit. shit. okay, well, he didn't have to drink as much as him, right? besides, this was more for his older cousin's sake than his own. he seemed to be wound so tight, a strong breeze would probably unravel him.

still, he returned his smile and said, "let's do it." they walked out of the building together and sujin shrugged on his jacket to keep the night air from nipping at his skin. "i'll have you know, hyung, i'm much stronger than i used to be." that was... partially true. he had certainly filled out more from how small and gangly he used to be. he kept up with his running, which still afforded him his lean build, but he had added more strength training to his routine. that didn't mean he was that strong, not yet, though. just enough to not huff and puff when carrying in a couple of cases of water. "so if i have to drag your drunk ass home, you can rest assure," he patted his back with a laugh, "i got you!"

[hjxyeongi]

'"They murdered him," he said. "And all those dirty whores are lying." That was clear in Yeongi's mind. "Even if they aren't... clearly they seduced him. Our uncle was a victim." In Yeongi's mind, that was the truth. It had to be. He was hanging by a tenuous balance as it was. He hadn't even had time to properly grieve. Not with the investigation. Not with all the false leads.

"Our uncle was a good person. He always looked out for the best interest of people like us," he said. He felt his eyes get teary. No. Not today. Not when he needed to be strongest. Fuck. He heard his parents in his head, telling him not to be weak to be strong like his brother.

But that bastard had not loved anyone a day in his life. "We'll get through it."

[hjxsujin]

harsh words fell past yeongi's lips, and though it shouldn't have surprised sujin, he still winced like every syllable was a lash to his own back. his cousin was in pain. he didn't mean it. but he did, a quieter part of his brain corrected him. he meant every word. if he knew what you were.... he couldn't hold back the tears that ran down his cheeks, hastily wiping them away before he became a snot-nosed mess. "i know you're right." no, yeongi wasn't. they couldn't be. there had to be more to the story. his uncle was never good to him.

"we'll get through it," he parroted his words back to him. a hand came to rest on yeongi's shoulder. "it's okay, you know — to not... be okay. you can talk to me." and even if sujin bottled up his own feelings in favor of yeongi's, then at least he was useful for something. at least he had some purpose rather than to let the unanswered questions in his head get the better of him. "and if you don't want to talk about it," he tried for a grin, but it was still tight around the edges, "we'll get you a night off and a round of drinks on me." sujin didn't often drink, preferring his teas and coffees, but it was sort of appealing, the idea of letting loose, even if only for a night.

[kkyus]

pushing his hair back

[hjxyujun]

for all of the planning and the hard work, as far as yujun could tell, the day had gone… swimmingly. sure, day two hadn’t been their day specifically and they still needed to see what the third day would hold. but the main point was that people seemed to be enjoying themselves. the arrest was barely a whisper while the police fumbling was a louder voice with jiho walking the streets once more. the younger ocean folk had doubted the elder siren had anything to do with it, but it was pretty surprising to hear that he had a full-blown alibi ready to take him out of the equation. it proved that there was still so much the younger needed to learn and suddenly the itch to see if the other would impart knowledge to him.

but it was a question for a different day as they walked through the stalls selling so many beautiful trinkets. many of the merfolk that had stalls would beckon them to chat with him. wishing to cover their princen with items so the others would see them wearing them. laughing with a sweet older woman, he paid no attention to much of the space around him, allowing her toy with a shell in his hair that she thought would maybe look good in another color.

when he moved away from her, jun hadn’t been ready for another body to run into them. the strong grip on their shoulders kept him from falling but the gaps they had let out at the surprise didn’t stop. only when their eyes met did they see it was sujin he had run into. who held them tight before suddenly letting go. “sujin,” they huffed out as they nearly stumbled backward, not even thinking they needed to make sure they stood by themself to not fall.

blushing over their mistake, they brushed their hair from the side of their face and shook their head. willing themself to hold onto some composure that they had just been showing to the other merfolk… who were watching even if they were trying to pretend, they weren’t. “no, no. yujun is fine. you don’t have to call me princen,” they rushed out in a soft tone, hoping to interrupt the other from questioning himself. but it seemed they were too late.

of course, jun’s eyes widened slightly at the words sent his way and the blush on his cheeks bloomed to life as if it had never left. oh, well. “no, please don’t stop talking,” he laughed despite the heat that danced across his skin. scrunching his nose in thought for a moment, they tried to piece together what to say next. “i think.. you.. too?” it was like a question but meant to be an answer.

coughing at their own stumble they shook their head, “i mean, would you like to look at more of the market with me?”

[hjxsujin]

him too? sujin's eyes widened slightly. even yujun didn't sound so certain, so there was no way for jin to be. for all he knew, it meant something different to merfolk than it did to humans. he wouldn't know. in a matter of seconds, he had completely chopped it up to a slip of the tongue and some miscommunication on the princen's end, but no matter how much he tried to tell himself that it was just that, the blush across his cheeks still burned brightly.

he gave a small nod and fell into step with yujun. "everything's so beautiful," he said as his eyes fell to the trinkets and treasures on display throughout the stalls as they walked from one to the other. "it's like... we can see the best of someone through what they can create." like with his ceramics. it was pride he felt for his work. the amount of time it took to perfectly create a single piece, he knew if he tried hard enough, he could make something beautiful. it was part of him. it came from him. it could be beautiful, so he too could be. or at least that's what he tried to tell himself.

"if i had the room, i'd probably buy one of everything," he admitted with a small chuckle. being an intern didn't afford him the most lavish of dwellings, so he made do with his studio apartment. it was a bit cramped, but it was better than being at home. anything would be better than that. a touch of something... sad crossed his eyes, but with a blink, it dissipated and he was himself once more. and he was here. with yujun. with a merfolk. what were the chances of it?

he knew there'd likely be talk. being from his family, with their reputations and their politics, it didn't look too well on him — or them — to be so friendly with the supernatural beings. but he found for once... he didn't care. so let them talk. it wasn't like he was holding yujun's hand or anything. at the thought, the warmth singed his cheeks again. "how are you enjoying the pride festival?" he asked. "tomorrow's the day you planned, isn't it?" the beach day. he remembered.

[hjxsujin]

she sells seashells // sujin & yujun.

date: day 2 of the pride festival location: town square / rainbow market time: afternoon trigger warning(s): homophobia, racism featuring: @hjxyujun

sujin didn't often feel comfortable in his own skin.

he had always felt a world away from others, far away from humans and even farther away from the merfolk. but during the pride festival, he felt like he could belong, if only for this brief space in time. it was freeing, and he clung to every moment of it he could.

walking past the stalls of the rainbow market, a simple smile was on his lips as he hummed a song with no name to himself. he was perfectly in his own world, but the glimmer of something in the corner of his eyes pulled his attention towards it.

it was a display of bracelets and necklaces, all made from seashells. a particular bracelet, one made of many different colored shells, called to him. he hadn't ever seen seashells this color, with one being a blue so deep it reminded him of the ocean itself. in fact, all the colors of the rainbow were present, and he asked the woman selling the bracelets to name her price.

she smiled and offered him another — two for the price of one. he tried to politely return the other, but she insisted. "for someone special," she said with a knowing wink. he didn't exactly have anyone special to gift it to, but he still thanked her and paid for the bracelets.

slipping his easily onto his wrist, he raised it to the sky and marveled at the way the sun glistened off the shells. he hadn't realized he was only a step away from another person until their bodies collided and he quickly moved to grip onto their shoulders to hold them steady and keep from falling.

settling his gaze, he rested it upon the other and said, "oh! y-yujun." he let him go and internally chastised himself for forgoing his manners. "princen yujun," he corrected himself. a formal title from their world, from the sea, but he thought it only appropriate.

"i should've watched where i was going," he said, opening his mouth to apologize, but remembered the last time they had spoken. yujun didn't seem to like him apologizing so much. sujin wasn't fond of it much either. "hi," he offered a small greeting instead, allowing for a more easygoing grin to settle on his features.

"you, uh... come here often?" sujin tried to find words to fill the space, but the ones he chose caused him to blush instead. "ah, sorry, that sounds like a come on." he shook his head. "not that i wouldn't- and that you're not- 'cause, you know, you are-" he took a moment to breathe, muttering to himself, "stop talking, sujin."

[hjxyeongi]

Family was always complicated, especially among the pirates. But, Yeongi always felt a kinship with Sujin. They were both outcasts. Unappreciated by their parents. maybe that was why he was so endlessly patient with him. Even if Sujin was trying to trail them like a detective in a cheesy film. Yeongi pursed his lips. From anyone else, he would plot to ruin their lives immediately. Possibly knock them out cold. With Sujin, he stared at him for a moment, then, after he calmed himself, proceeded to continue. "About as well as can be expected, considering his murderer is still out there. You?"

[hjxsujin]

sujin figured yeongi would say as much. he had always been closer to their uncle than he ever was. he didn't wish to say out loud how he felt almost exactly... nothing over his death. apathy settled where grief should have been. and guilt. overwhelming guilt for feeling such a way. he was family, after all. what did that say about sujin? maybe that he was right. that you are a monster. he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and nodded, saying, "i'm just trying to understand what happened."

"there's been so much said about him. i-... i don't think i knew him as much as i thought i did." he looked around them to ensure no one listened in on their conversation. perhaps there would be a better place to have it, but he needed to make sense of it. now. he needed his cousin to set him straight. "do you think.. there's truth to it?" his voice was quieter now, only just above a whisper, leaning in for only the other to hear.

"if he did what they said, why would he- why did he-" tears pinched his eyes. he swallowed past the ball forming in his throat and looked to his older cousin like they held all the answers in the world.

[hjxyeongi]

careless//yeongi & open

Yeongi saw absolutely no need to hold a press conference. After all, who cared if a few dryads were injured, or even died? But, yet he had to show up and show his support for that simpering new mayor. So, he stood there and looked appropriately upset. He smiled kindly at all the worried townspeople. Some of the humans actually cared about what happened to those dryads. Clearly, they had been brainwashed.

As it was, Yeongi was following a different lead. Making sure none of his uncle's old mistresses managed to leave town. He didn't know if they did it, but they must have known something. Though he had difficulties wrapping his head around being such a man, he could understand it wasn't his fault. Those things enchanted people. His uncle had been a victim, really.

He sighed. "You can stop following me now. What is it you want?"

[hjxsujin]

oh, he had gotten caught.

well, it wasn't as if sujin was doing the best job at being stealthy. he should've figured trying to hide behind a plant only worked in the movies and not in real life.

his face flushed red in embarrassment and he stumbled on his words as he was prone to doing when he was in over his head. "sorry, i just— well, you see— i-i just wanted to see how you are. i mean, it's not every day our uncle gets murdered, you know?" now, he certainly could've worded that better. "sorry," he muttered again, quieter this time. he scratched at the back of his head as he looked to the other.

"how are you, uh... holding up?"

[hjxsujin]

Welcome to Hanjeong, Kim Sujin. You are quite the human. At 26, you have quite a claim to being the captain’s descendant and an intern at city hall.

stats.

name: kim sujin

age: 26

species: half-blood; human/merfolk

occupation: family disappointment intern at city hall

parents: mother — kim jiyoon (alive) , father — unknown merfolk (????)

biography.

read here.

headcanons.

knowing he was part merfolk, sujin figured some part of his father's abilities would manifest themselves in him growing up. he waited. and waited. and waited some more, but it seemed like nothing ever came of it. no gills, no tail. the only tell he had was how fast of a runner he was. he was the top student on his school's track team and even went so far as to earn himself a track scholarship to the university. he prided himself on having earned it entirely on his own, by his own merit, without the political sway of family or reputation. (read: this means he has nice, muscular thighs hehe)

the call to the ocean had never been... too apparent. it simply buzzed underneath his skin like a bundle of nerves he couldn't quite soothe the edges of, but it ebbed and flowed just like the waves themselves. his mother hadn't allowed him to ever get too close; in fact, it was forbidden for him to swim at all. he wasn't allowed to venture close to any bodies of water without supervision, and if nothing else, sujin was a dutiful boy, but not for their reasons. it was his own fear of rejection that kept him from ever pursuing it further, fearful that the waters would swallow him whole and then spit him out back to shore. to know that he was no child of the ocean would unravel the last few tendrils he held himself together by, so he stayed where it was safe. watched from ashore with his knees tucked towards his chest. it was as the saying goes: what he didn't know couldn't hurt him.

sujin expected to feel more upon hearing of his uncle's , the mayor's, death, but he found he felt... nothing. where grief was supposed to rest, it was ambivalence. he hadn't ever seen eye to eye with him. or rather, it was his uncle who could never meet his eyes at all. he knew what sujin was and detested him long before he even came to knew him at all. but family had a duty to each other, so it was with his uncle's connections that he was able to land the internship at city hall so quickly after he graduated. if nothing else, sujin would not make their family look weak or ridiculous. imagine his own surprise upon finding out the mayor had been having affairs with supernatural beings while pointing a hypocritical finger at sujin.

his family's policies lean heavily towards anti-supernaturals, so without knowing sujin, one could only assume he shared their sentiment. however, he's never outright declared himself one way or the other. it isn't that he doesn't have his own opinions. it's just that... he keeps them close to the chest. he knows what's expected of him and doesn't sway the status quo in fear of retribution from his family, but given the mayor's reign ending under such mysterious circumstances, it's certainly made him question whether it was still best to be complacent or to speak up for something for once in his life.

misc headcanons.

sujin's inability to be comfortable in his own skin expresses itself in his choice of wardrobe. he often dons oversized shirts, hoodies, and jeans, allowing the fabric to swallow him and make him appear much smaller than he actually is. even his hair remains at a longer shaggy length that can easily cover his face should he bow his head.

wielding power and privilege never served sujin the way it did others that descended from his line. it made him feel like an insect under a microscope. he didn't want attention. he didn't want any of this. when put on the spot, it was easy for him to stumble on his words, appearing more like a bumbling fool than a proud descendant of the very pirate captains that forged the land he stood upon. some think his demeanor is all a facade to appear weak and let others underestimate him so he can later come out on top, but it couldn't be farther from the truth. sujin was simply too kind and cautious for his own good.

lbr, he's probably a baby gay. babiest of gays. but maybe not!! he's figuring stuff out. never been with anyone to know for sure.

[jinstronaut]

your monthly dose of bts : jeon jungkook

day 17 / 31