growing up, i am very aware that we are not rich. we are not the type of family that if i want something i go tell my parents and they will give it to me.
we knew ever since that if we want something we have to go get it ourselves.
so a lot of small things we got are actually an achievement for us, for me.
i remember when i was on 6th grade, i really like this shoes, it was a trend that time... an airmax nike, and i know for sure we can't afford it, i didn't even dare to ask my parents to buy it for me... honestly, asking them for something i know that is pricey makes me feel guilty. but then one time, when we got a chance to buy a shoes, i ask her to buy me a nike, but a fake one, still pricey though... but when my siblings compliment how nice it looks i still feel guilty as if i bought an original, im not even proud to wear at school because it is obviously fake.
a lot of things like this happened and i always feel so guilty to have it.... i ended up hating things i got.
but when i grew up, and i was able to give myself the things i want, even the smallest thing I can't have when i was young, i really treasure it, im very grateful because of it.
these are the things that are normal to others, to those who are privileged enough to have these as normal things in their life, but for us is already an achievement. i know a lot of people can relate and some might find me overreacting, but that's the truth.
No one can say that I don't have an achievement at my age because the truth is, i do, i do have a lot, it's just that you already have it ever since. but the difference is, you have it because it was given to you, but i have it because i got it for myself.
it may sounds embarrassing being able to buy books, having fluffy pillow, comfortable bed, small pantry, few skincare products, a healthy hair, and some cute stationary... these are actually my achievements. im still proud of it, because i once don't have these things and i got it myself:))
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