i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like βwow humans are fucking wildβ and took it
Humanityβs first contact with Vulcans was some guy goingΒ βIβm down to fuck.β
Vulcansβ first contact with Humans was an emphaticΒ βSure.β
@sineala
#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan
βsirβ¦theseβ¦these humansβ¦they greet each other byβ¦β *glances around before furtively whispering* βby clasping handsβ¦β
*prolonged silence*Β βoh myβ¦β
βsirβ¦sir how will we make first contact with them? surely weβ¦we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??β
*several pensive moments later*Β βcontact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, heβll put his hands on anythingβ
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: ββ¦.my day has come.β
The vulcanΒ who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Yβall just be makinβ up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: hereβs a screencap of Solkar doing the βmy body is readyβ pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochraneβs hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they areΒ βdistant xenophobesβ orΒ βhorny on main for humanityβ. Also apparently this guy is Spockβs great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkarβs descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so Iβm not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkarβs descendants and humans, but Iβm also notβ¦.notβ¦.saying that.
actual footage of first contact makeouts
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes CockraneβsβIβm sorry, Cochraneβsβhandβ¦ The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritualβ¦ It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkarβs part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
Thatβs why heβs so slow in doing it, andΒ so sensual. A part of Solkar canβt believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him canβt believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkarβs pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochraneβs firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like,Β βTAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.β
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew itΒ (via kittykatthetacodemon)
Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture
Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: donβt tell me how to do my jobΒ
This is my favourite Star Trek post, complete with headcanons, corrections, the truth coming out of her well to shame Spock even. Seriously perfect fandom work.
