Baby, I'm a Nightmare @hocuspocusam-blog - Tumblr Blog

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

borrowerethan:

The sudden calm was eerie after so much charged air, the ties slipping away into nothing. It felt wrong, being let out and taken care of when he felt like he should be slapped for his little outburst instead. Ethan sat up and peeled off the soaked shirt, still a little foggy from sleep. He chuckled a little brokenly, accepting the tossed shirt but it stayed balled up in his fist instead of pulled over his head. “Same.” Maybe it was the sleep deprivation dulling his senses and propelling him forward, but when it became clear from her command for him to sleep and her firmly rooted spot that she wasn’t coming closer again, he needed to close the distance at all costs. Somehow in reaching for her he stumbled, and wound up on his knees in front of her. He didn’t question it, just wrapped his arms around her middle, burying his face desperately against the front of her shirt to hide the sudden and irrational watering in his eyes. “Don’t leave. Don’t leave again.”

Sam had never minded coming off as the uncaring bitch while she’d secretly tried to do what she could to save Ethan’s soul for him. She was used to being unwanted and unloved, the trash that people got stuck with and didn’t actually want anything to do with. But she could feel it in her bones, that Ethan was her purpose. That saving him was the one thing she was meant for. So she hadn’t cared how she’d come across to him. But as he stumbled towards her, everything felt different. She moved to help him, but his arms were wrapped around her middle before she could and after a moment, she dropped to her knees as well, arms wrapping around him and hands coming up to stroke his hair. “I won’t. I’m here,” she said gently, though she couldn’t guarantee her words. They were true at least for now. “I’m sorry for waking you up. Let’s get you back to bed...”

borrowerethan:

Ethan went through the motions, tea, toothpaste, face wash, soft sheets, sleep. He was unconscious within twenty minutes, a deep unworried sleep that was mercifully unaffected by the sinking feeling he’d have when he was awake. His eyes cracked open at some point during the middle of the night, catching sight of Sam above him and assuming he must be sleeping. The water jolted him back to reality, and his wrists ached when he tried to pull free of his newfound restraints. “Sam….” His face fell when he saw how genuinely upset she was, and all the words in the world couldn’t fix it. They never did, he only dug himself holes he could never climb out of. “Because as selfish as it sounds, if I let anything happen, I’m going to need you more than you need me. I’m tired of being the overcommitter, the one with unwavering faith, the one left behind. We reconnect, you leave, and I’m left to what? Kill time and fuck around for the next decade. So go ahead.” Once he started talking, it was hard to stop, feeling vulnerable and stripped down without even the use of his fucking hands to comfort him. “Take what you want, take it all. It’s yours. I give it happily. I’m sorry for not being there for literally the first time since I’ve met you.”

Sam listened intently, feeling worse and worse by the second. Maybe they were meant to be broken. She dropped her concentration from his hands, letting the ties dissolve into nothing before rolling off of him and pulling her knees up to her chest. She was throwing a tantrum over him not wanting her for one night when he’d literally given everything up for her and how had she reacted? She’d ran away. And wasn’t that why she was there? To fix him giving up his soul for her? And here she was, being selfish about it because he was the only person she’d ever connected with and she’d desperately needed connection. “Let me get you a dry shirt,” she said before pushing off of the bed and heading over to one of his drawers. She found a soft tshirt that she pulled out and threw towards him, feeling suddenly so unwanted and so out of place that it was a little crazy. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” she admitted, not moving from her spot near his dresser. She wanted to go forward and try to cuddle him but she had a feeling it wasn’t wanted. She wasn’t wanted. She needed to leave. The demon clearly wasn’t here so she had no reason to stick around. “Get back to sleep,” she said gently, ready to bolt. She could have her things packed up and gone before he ever woke up.

borrowerethan:

Ethan sighed softly when she turned away from him, the ancient urge to comfort her hard to squash down. Sex between them was a complication he didn’t need, a one sided shell he couldn’t block out. The fact that she had been blackout drunk the first time she had willingly touched him didn’t pass him by either. “I can’t do meaningless, Sam. Find me when you’re sober next time,” he whispered apologetically, glad she had already chugged some water at his request and that the lights were off. Hopefully she could slip into sleep and forget all about this. He honored her wish, slipping out her door and closing it softly behind him.

She fell into a fitful sleep after he left, mad at him, mad at herself, mad at their entire situation and what life had decided to throw at them. When she woke back up, it was only a few hours later, not even really morning by that point, but she was still pissed, still annoyed. So she got up and headed to Ethan’s room. She opened the door quietly before silently muttering a spell to bind both of his hands to his headboard. She watched as he remained asleep through most of it before she threw a glass of cold water on him to wake him up. “You’re a fucking asshole,” she said once he was awake. She climbed onto the bed before straddling him over his blankets, grinding down lightly. “Why does it automatically make it meaningless because I’d been drinking?” she asked, honestly wanting to know. “Why is it when I actually need you, you’re not actually there?” And she knew that was unfair, but it was true. He was there for her when she didn’t need it, but never when she did. It didn’t make sense to her.

borrowerethan:

Ethan groaned at the teasing press against him, hands slipping away from her pinned wrists as though they were scalding hot. He wasn’t doing this. One tiny slip of his self control and he’d be gone, unable to turn back. So he scrambled to his feet and left at least a foot of space between himself and the bed, still gazing up at the ceiling as with his hands planted on his hips as he tried to will away the half erection he was suddenly faced with. “Beautiful,” he echoed.

Sam felt the immediate stab of hurt when he pushed off of her like she was something that hurt, something that was bad, and she curled onto her side, not facing him. She knew she was a bad, rotten thing - the cancer had told her that much - but he was supposed to be the one person that didn’t think that. And because she didn’t say it meant something didn’t mean that it didn’t. But he was right, she was making a mistake by trying to let him in. And maybe she was a little bit drunk, but she was still in her right mind. She still knew what she wanted. And he didn’t want her back. Which was fine. She didn’t need him. “Goodnight, Ethan,” she said flatly, waiting for him to leave. She wasn’t going to fight to seduce a person who wanted her too much when she didn’t want it and didn’t want her at all when she needed it.

avgerodaily

borrowerethan:

Ethan groaned as she arched up beneath him, totally unsurprised. She always did fight dirty. He grinned down at her face softly lit up by the glow of fake constellations, more glad than ever that he had done it if she approved. Without warning he stopped holding up his weight with his arms, pinning her to the bed beneath him as he settled his head on her chest. Luckily he knew he didn’t weigh enough to crush her. “I missed you.”

She gave a small hum of contentment as his weight pressed over her and she brought her now free arms back down, using one of her hands to brush gentle through his hair. “Don’t let your vampire boyfriend hear you say that. He might get jealous,” she teased, whispering the last sentence as if it was some sort of secret. The vampire might have. said they were only .friends, but she’d watched them long enough to know there was more to it. She wondered if he’d ta.ken her up on her rim job advice yet. “I missed you too,” she finally said after a few moments of silence, figuring he deserved a serious response. She might’ve been mad at him for a decade, and still was, but that didn’t mean that she hadn’t thought about him and missed him through all of it. She’d practically devoted her life to trying to fix his.

borrowerethan:

“Nothing’s meant to be. You have to fight for what you want.” He believed in the annoying and complex string of fate, but he also believed nothing was handled to you. Sometimes you had to argue with destiny. He pinned her arms playfully above her head, mostly to immobilize her as her legs wrapped around his hips. “Stop it, siren. What can I say, pointless magic is my favorite kind.”

She knew his theories behind cheating the universe all too well, though she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to have applied them to her previous situation. It didn’t matter anymore, anyway. As her arms were pinned above her head, she tightened her legs around him, arching her hips up against his playfully. “I like it when you get dominant,” she grinned. She glanced once more at the ceiling behind him, however, and she had to admit, as pointless as it was, it was pretty cool. “It really is beautiful,” she admitted.

borrowerethan:

Ethan turned on his back so he could stare up at the ceiling, but was quickly thwarted as she pulled him to hover over her. “We would have figured it out,” he argued softly with a grin, wondering if she would remember this moment in the morning. If not, he’d be there to oh so gently remind her. “You haven’t even seen the best part.” He raised his palm to plant just above the headboard, lining up with a near invisible dark outline of his hand. The dark room slowly grew brighter as the ceiling started to glow, shapes forming out of the black until a perfect outline of the stars was mapped out in eerie blue green light. “Cool huh?” Ethan had pulled it together in a few minutes his first night. It spoke to his skillset with magic perfectly - impressive, inventive, and utterly useless. He just liked pretty things.

She was kind of glad things had turned out the way they had. She wasn’t sure either of them would have handled a baby well, certainly not together. “Maybe,” she said simply, not wanting to argue the point. “It wasn’t meant to be, though,” she said sadly, still upset that she’d gotten her life when their baby hadn’t gotten theirs. It was unfair. She tilted her head back to watch his hand before turning her attention to the ceiling past his shoulder, watching as the lights moved and formed very distinct shapes. “I don’t think you’re supposed to spend this much time and energy on a guest room,” she said teasingly before bringing her legs up to wrap loosely around his hips.

borrowerethan

>“I haven’t forgotten things from ten years ago,” he shrugged, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “Time doesn’t heal shit. Just soften’s the edges.” Ethan raised hopeful eyes in surprise, caught by surprise yet again. After bracing himself, he stood up abruptly, using his grip n her hips to lift her with him. It helped that she weighed about as much as he baby bird. Carefully not to bump her head on the low ceiling, he walked them to the spare room that now had fresh sheets and her belongings inside, laying her out on the bed before falling back on it himself. “Love what you’ve done with the place.”

The truth was, she’d never really recovered from everything that had happened to her during those few months, between the diagnosis and Ethan and the pregnancy. But it didn’t really matter. Time had passed and it was all over now, the wounds less prominent. “We would have made terrible parents,” she said with a small laugh, trying to shrug everything off. Her sober self would be pissed that she’d brought it up at all. She let out a small squeal as she was lifted up and her arms quickly wrapped around his neck. She fell to the bed with a small laugh before grabbing his arm and pulling him over to her so that he was over her. “Wait ‘til you see the plants on the fire escape. That’s where things get really impressive,” she said with a small grin.

#formatting can suck a dick rn

borrowerethan:

Ethan was going to snap at her that her morbid brand of humor wasn’t funny, but his quickly sinking gut as she continued confirmed that she was serious. A whole other person, a life they had almost made….it was a concept so vast his hedonistic stuck at eighteen mind could barely fathom it. Saying he was sorry seemed pointless, so he didn’t. “Are you okay?” That sort of thing left scars that didn’t heal quickly. He tried to cling a little tighter before her fingers pulled away, but they still slipped out of his grasp. “Fine. But soon. You need enough sleep to keep down a hangover elixir.” Those were scalding and nasty going down but did the trick in a few minutes. If you could stomach it. “Would you ever have come back? If I didn’t bump into you?”

She nodded, not sure how else she was supposed to respond. “It was ten years ago,” she said, though it was a scar that wasn’t easily forgotten. She’d gotten far enough along to show, far enough for it to feel like a baby instead of an accident. She should have told him sooner but she was glad he hadn’t had to go through it with her. He got too emotionally invested too quickly for that to have ended well. “I don’t need a hangover elixir,” she said with a shake of her head, content to drink water and take aspirin and sleep. She stayed still at his next question, trying to form the answer to it before actually saying it out loud. “Eventually. You were always my eventually. I didn’t think it would happen so soon, though,” she said, having fully hoped she’d have gotten his soul back for him before running into him again.

borrowerethan:

Yeah, maybe. But the words were only echoed in his head. Ethan still felt the sting of betrayal at random times with Sam, and this was one of them. Mpst the time he had unflinching certainty but other times the cracks in his faith showed through. If they were destined, she wouldn’t have left. If they were destined, she’d feel it too. She seemed on the sort of happy high he usually lived his life in, a blissful place, and he didn’t want to ruin it with his suddenly self pitying mood. His hands found hers when she tore his shirt open, twisting them together in case she tried to undress him further. The spot over his heart still blazed with her touch, the spark of human contact and magic calling to magic. “Probably. Two of them. We’d just have given up on city life and retired to suburgatory. I have work. Let’s get you to bed.”

She knew his sudden hands on hers were to stop her from going farther as opposed to wanting the contact, but that didn’t stop her from twisting her hands in his until their fingers were linking. She was drunk enough that whatever filter she had was gone and that was the only excuse for what she said after he admitted to thinking they’d already have a family. “We were pregnant, you know. It must have happened right after you healed me because I didn’t know for a while. When I found out, I was going to come back - at some point - but I....it didn’t work out. And it felt like a punishment. Like because I didn’t die like I was supposed to...we’d create this thing that would die instead. It felt like nature punished us and it made me more angry. I didn’t know how to see you after all of that,” she admitted, taking a breath before pulling her hands out of his. “I don’t want to go to bed yet,” she finally responded to him.

borrowerethan:

It wasn’t until after he had chugged at least half of the very strong drink she had handed him that he stopped to consider what else was in it. She could have slipped him some sort of truth serum, or memory altering elixir, or just a plain attraction brew. Ethan tried his best to relax under her strong fingers like instructed, but it wasn’t working. So he did his best to pretend, letting his muscles go limp and his hands fell to her hips to keep her from tipping over. “You’ve never been just anyone else.”

“Maybe I want to be. Maybe I don’t want to be on whatever pedestal you have me on. Maybe I don’t deserve it,” she said, stilling her fingers when she caught on to him simply going limp. She drug her hands slowly down over his shoulders to the front of his shirt and pulled hard and quickly on the material, splitting it down the middle without much finesse. Before he could protest, the flat of her palms were pressing over his pecs before moving inward to rest over where his heart was beating. She used to spend hours at night counting the beats of it, wondering how many more she had left before he realized how useless she was and ended up leaving like everyone else did. She’d never given either of them the chance to find out. “If I hadn’t gotten sick, do you think we’d be boring married people with kids by now?”

#c:ethan

mysterious-elliot-matthews:

“Thank you” Elliot said as he took a seat, “It must had been hard and confusing learning about magic. This diner is nice” he said as he looked around the place and as he did felt at home here. “This town energy is nice compare to other places. What brought you to this town?”

“It wasn’t that bad. I had fun with it,” she shrugged, glad he liked the diner. Not that she had any emotional ties to it, but she would have felt bad if she’d taken him somewhere he hated. “You’re feeling all the supernatural vibes, that’s all,” she said in way of an explanation as to why he liked the town. “I came here looking for someone. What about you? Was it only the school that brought you here?”

borrowerethan:

Sam didn’t giggle, which meant she muts have been out of her mind trashed. Letting anything happen would be irresponsible on his part. But drinking wouldn’t be - mainly because he’d been doing too much thinking these past two weeks, and he desperately wanted it to stop. She took the glass designated for him, taking a large gulp that turned into three or four sips. A month ago he didn’t even know she was here. He should savor every single moment. “Okay.” He replied shakily, finally allowing a smile to break through his responsible facade. “I just want you to be happy,” he blurted out the obvious, too much and too serious for what she wanted as always.

She watched happily as she drank the drink she’d made him - and perhaps she’d made it a little too strongly but at least she hadn’t slipped anything else into it like she’d considered. Or at least she didn’t remember actually doing that. She leaned back, setting her own glass down on the desk behind her so that she could drape both arms over his shoulders, pulling herself closer. “Then stop trying to make all of my decisions for me,” she responded simply. “You’re so relaxed and fun with everyone else. So....relax,” she said, pressing gentle fingers into the muscles of his shoulders.

#c:ethan

borrowerethan:.

Ethan watched as she pulled things from the cabinet he didn’t even know were there, certain that she would never stop surprising him. “Next time, call me. I can come pick you up. It’s dangerous around here at night. “ There were all sorts of species that inhabited this place, even if she was capable of defending herself. His fingers dug into her thighs automatically when she straddled him, but he had to shake his head. It would only hold if he cut things off early. “I’m not doing anything with you until it means something, Sam. I can’t handle that.”

If she had been sober, she would have been embarrassed by the giggle that she gave when he told her it was dangerous. As if she didn’t know. As if she wasn’t very capable of handling herself. New Orleans had as many, if not more, supernatural creatures around and she’d had to learn the hard way how to keep herself safe. This town was nothing. “I’m not really scared of leprechauns,” she teased. Despite his words, she settled comfortably in his lap, free arm loosely draping over his shoulder. “It’s a drink, calm down,” she said, wishing he didn’t always have to make everything so serious when it came to her. Everyone else got to deal with dumb, 18 year old Ethan, and she got....this. Intense and serious and a downer.

#c:ethan

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