All Right Babes, Let's Talk Gossip.

Louise here with the daily gossip fix. So sit down, tune out, and get down to the nitty-gritty and truth behind every pristine little Hogwarts student because it's time to talk gossip.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Ted Lupin looked awful uncomfortable studying with ex girlfriend Vic Weasley, thoughts on why the two suddenly became oil and water?

I dunno, I wouldn’t put that much merit on it considering how they’ve always been so chummy. Maybe one of them just farted, even part-veelas have gas.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

When's James' and Daniel's wedding scheduled again? I must've misplaced the parchment where I wrote down the date.

Don't break my heart with this kind of news, let me live in a world where fuckboy one and fuckboy two aren't completely tied down in a monogamous relationship for good.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Favorite potential couples? How hot is Sargon?

This is the third time I've been asked the couples question, so let me just lay it on you.

James Potter and the Giant Squid

Lorcan Scamander and [ insert name of a ginger here ]

Carina Rosier and a liver transplant

Daniel Greengrass and a mirror

Rose Weasley and any form of emotion really

Ahn Kane and anyone who's eyebrows will compliment his

Dominique Weasley and a record of the Sex Pistols

Roksana Dolohov and Yuri from Doctor Zhivago

Clarabel Moreau and Prince Charming from Cinderella

and so on and so forth

As for Sargon, I'm not exactly a fan of rating how attractive my teachers are seeing as I don't have a student/teacher fantasy. But I'll say he's good looking if it helps me get a good grade on my NEWTs

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

When do you think Molly Weasley will start investigating into those murders? It's a surprise we haven't seen her around yet with a Sherlock Holmes' hat questioning all the Slytherins.

See this is the kind of gossip you send in if you want someone to get their ass kicked or at least have a now very suspicious gang of Slytherin's eyeing them. I don't know if and/or when Molly Weasley will start investigating but I do know her cover might've just been blown.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Rose, Lily, Hugo, Ahn (who should be with who?)

Okay who should be with who, now before I get blasted for slander again (because the Weasley-Potter clan loves to scream slander for anything said) these are my opinions that probably none of them asked for.

Rose: I honestly think she doesn't need to be in a relationship, generally speaking it's best if you sort out yourself and by the looks of it— after all she's a person who got upset over the insinuation of crying rather than the insinuation of premeditated murder— she's got a lot of sorting to do.

Lily: Again, she doesn't need to be in a relationship mostly because Lily seems to be doing just fine on her own and you know why fix what isn't broken. Just you know whoever she does end up with shouldn't break her spirit but shouldn't bow down to her either, someone who challenges her would be good.

Hugo: Truthfully speaking I don't think it'd be bad if he figured out himself either, but dating wise I think it'd be best if he dated someone kind and sweet, because even if he is very Tintin like he's also nice and thoughtful and needs someone of a similar breed, and unfortunately there aren't exactly a lot of those around here. Katherine MacMillan could be good though.

Ahn: Well I wouldn't suggest a pureblood just for the drama it'd cause but Ahn could get on well with anyone. He seems to get on well enough with Dominique Weasley so there's a suggestion. Just you know maybe someone to balance out his cynicism or someone with really nice eyebrows so they can match.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Who's the hottest Muggleborn?

Me.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Lily Luna has been awful quiet since getting into that fisticuffs with Rose? Did the Weasley finally enact revenge?

Well she did get hit in the jaw so maybe she's chosen to go the muggle way of healing, or maybe after being punched for a ridiculous reason she's just chosen to keep a low profile. But considering the fact that Rose doesn't feel emotion maybe she just stole Lily's voice or something. Either way I'm not exactly mad that the Weasley-Potter clan is quiet for once.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Ahn Kane is the true dreamboat of Hogwarts

Isn't he though? Between the eyebrows and the dry humor is safe to say he's stolen my heart.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Someone should alert Carina that liver's don't multiply.

Somehow I don't think she's that concerned about getting cirrhosis, let's just pray baby Rosier-Potter-Greengrass makes it out without fetal alcohol syndrome.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Is it true that Dominique Weasley is /hardcore/ now?

Listen, hardcore isn't a phase; hardcore is a way of life, or maybe that's parkour. Anyways Dominique doesn't give a damn about her bad reputation.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Well You Know Nothing Interesting is Happening, But That Doesn't Mean You Can't Send Me Something Interesting Anyways

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

WHO DO YOU THINK SHOULD BE TOGETHER?

I've answered this question earlier but I'm assuming you didn't like the answer. So let's do it this way, you send me a name and I'll say who I think they'd be good with. Sound good?

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

I do not cry. I consider this slander. I demand you take that down this instant.

Terribly sorry wasn't aware you didn't feel a human didn't feel the human spectrum of emotion, I'll go and correct that right away.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

You think that Kat girl is crazy? What's your take on Hufflepuff house?

Crazy? She seems really sweet to me, granted you know I don't know her all that well seeing as she's not incredibly loud or exuberant but she's seems so sweet, but I could sum up a few notables for from the house for you.

Fred Weasley: Actual adonis, who's funny to boot. Though a little loud for my taste but he's kind so no real complaints there.

Caleb Perthshire: Attractive, golden boy, looks like he cries after having sex though (I have no proof of this mind you).

Roksana Dolohov: Fierce, could probably snap me in two and I'd probably like it, good fashion sense, very Russian of course.

Katherine MacMillan: Sweet, quiet, loves Daisy Buchanan or maybe just The Great Gatsby.

Elliott Graham: I can't help but stare at his eyes, heterochromia never looked so good. Also decent taste in Muggle music.

Teddy Lupin: probably has a nice arse, though I've never really looked and sometimes I wonder if he just makes himself look like other students and struts around the school for fun.

Ahn In Tak: Eyebrow game is too strong but shout out to my fellow Korean because we're a small breed here.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

What's up with all those Purebloods fucking each other? Incesteous bastards.

Well I'm pretty sure marrying their cousin is an institutional thing for them, but honestly I'm just surprised that not one of them has a lazy eye or webbed feet or something. Thought the science of genetics isn't something that's really cared for in the wizarding world is it? Especially amongst purebloods. Either way they're just keeping the bloodline and genitals pure.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Oh all knowing Louise, who would make the cutest couples?

Oh you know I love questions like these. I especially love when questions like these compliment me because well I’m a shallow girl who loves a good compliment. Anyways ranking couples on a purely superficial level or really just who’d be incredibly interesting together.

Fred Weasley and Clarabel Moreau: They’re both pretty, they’d make pretty babies, the world deserves to see these babies end of story.

Ted Lupin and Roksana Dolohov: Have you ever seen them together? They’re so beautiful and brunette. I mean ignoring the fact that her grandad did do in his father— which could add much needed angst to the situation if this were some cheesy YA novel— they just look nice

Daniel Greengrass and anyone really: I mean if I were him I’d stray away from people who are related because eventually something odd and mutant looking is going to come from all that incest.

Finn Montgomery and Clarabel Moreau: Incredibly geeky but incredibly cute.

Caleb Perthshire and Carina Rosier: There’s no rhyme or reason to this, but we’re lacking in a golden haired couple, and well you know they could be it.

There could be more, in fact there probably are more that I could come up with but time keeps on slippin’ slippin’ slippin’ into the future and I can’t waste a whole column on who I think would look good together as much as I want to.

[hogwartsprophetgossip]

Our favorite Greengrass boy is now Head Boy. Whaddya think about that?

I think there will be a sharp increase of people out after curfew, and I think I’ll be joining in on that trend because I wouldn’t mind getting a detention from him. Would you?