you're in my world now, you can stay

do you think about me now and then? oh i'm coming home again. maybe we can start again.

[alexabelamy]

It was a toough battle. She tried to resist her eyelids closing, she tried to deny that the sound of his shower on lulled her to sleep as easily as the hot cocoas her mother used to make for her and her brother in winter nights. She didn’t want that sort of comfortness, tha quiet and suffocating feeling that everything was set, everything was right the way it was. Not with him, anyway. She didn’t want to delude herself.

Thinking about the water hitting his body didn’t work either. Alexa didn’t think, properly — she imagine over and over, dremed, in her case. The way the drops would run down his torse, his arms. The way she would love to try and test it with her own hands, feel that they are as firm and rough as the bad mouths hushedly whisper whenever he walks by.

She only noticed those same arms were holding her when he glanced down. The sleepy haze wa clouding her eyes and her thoughts, her body shifted slighty, automatically. When was the last time someone stepped into — in this case, wrapped arms around her tiny frame, pressed against his chest — her personal space. He was still warm from the shower and his skin smelled like soap and a soft hint of gas. Did he always smell like that?

"Hi." Her eyes stretched into a smile. Alexa knew well that if she was fully awake she would’ve jumped from his arms, snapped at him; but instead her fingers curled on the material of his t-shirt, looking for ballance, her eyes lingered a minute more on his lips. "Hi."

[holdenmartin]

He had done this so many times before - carried her to bed, that is. Except before she hadn't turned into him like this, or maybe she had, maybe he had just been a lot better at pretending he didn't notice. He was done pretending now though, or at least while she was asleep and sighing into his shoulder. He couldn't see anything wrong with her, but then again he had never been able to. He didn't know what to expect when he came back, people hating him, sure, but not her, and he wanted very terribly to ask her why, but he had a feeling it had something to do with the child asleep in the other room.

It took him a while to realize she had woken up, and the greeting she gave him surprised him more then the fact that she hadn't jumped out of his arms already. He had watched this girl grow up, and maybe regretted not saying goodbye to her the most, but there was nothing he could do about it, but wait for her to forgive him, and wait again for the tugging feeling inside him to go away. He would forever wait for the day he didn't want to kiss her and hold her like it was something they did daily. 

"Hey." he replied back, a small smile that he had reserved only for her in both their childhoods reappearing as he looked down at the sleepy girl. The chuckle he let out was a light one, as she greeted him again. "You said that already." he replied, forcing himself to ignore the place her eyes seemed to have settled on, convincing himself that he was making it up, although he knew for sure that he wasn't making up the grip on his shirt.

He expected her to let go of him as he laid her down onto the bed, but she hadn't, and so he stood hovering over her. "This seem familiar?" he asked, not knowing where he was going, but knowing he didn't want to leave the room. "You falling asleep places you shouldn't be, me carrying you back up to your room... or mine... that one time." He shook his head, she had been drunk that one time, and he hadn't wanted to take her home that way, and she wouldn't leave his side anyways. Just like now, but he was sure she hadn't drunk. But he had missed her, and a crazy part inside him hoped she would do the same thing she did when she was eighteen and refuse to let him leave.

[alexabelamy]

He was just asking because of Ella. Because of Ella. She kept repeating that to herself, keeping hold of her train of thoughts as his words sank on her sking, absorbing any sort of actual heat her body could provide. He was not asking for her to stay, simple like that — he would never. Holden was Holden. The guy every girl in town (and believe when she says every single one, it’s not a big town, anyway) had sighed over, had dreamed about. Holden Martin, with his motorcycle and brusied knuckles, the reason of hushed whispers and why her mother always decided it was time for do the grocery shopping when he was over thier house. Holden Martin was the boy she was never allowed to sigh over, because he was her brother’s best friends, because he was rumoured to have a thing with a girl here and a girl there, because he was known for breaking everyone’s heart. 

Because he would certainly break hers.

"If she wakes up…" She bit on her bottom lip, purse half hanging on her shoulder, eyes half trying not to look at his way, glancing to the door of Ella’s room. He was asking her to stay because of the little girl — and Alexa would do anything for her. "Okay." she muttered, bag plopping back where it was first located. "Don’t worry I can walk to school, and stay here in the couch… Don’t sorry." She pushed her hair back, still trying not to look at him.

[holdenmartin]

She had become a woman, snuck in beautiful long hair and features suddenly much more sharp and curves that he had more trouble keeping his eyes off of then he ever had before. She had always had a tiny waist and lips he thought of biting more often then he ever allowed himself to. He thought about her more often then someone as old as he was should, but he couldn't help the thought of her every time he even thought of home. He couldn't help trying to steal glimpses of the girl he had convinced himself would never be a woman every time she looked away. She seemed as intent on avoiding him as he was determined to soak up every inch of her.

He forced his eyes away from her lip as she bit at it, a habit he was happy to see she still had no matter how crazy it made him. He let out a sigh, a breath he hadn't known he had been holding as she said okay. He didn't know why he wanted her to stay, maybe it was the fact that she was the only person he could handle seeing in a town where everyone either hated him or adored him, a town where no one really knew him but thought they did anyways. "Forget about it. I'm used to sleeping in my car, so the couch will be weird enough. Take the bed, and I'll probably be awake when you  need to go, so I'll take you, too." he said, finishing his sentence off with a finality that she probably recognized all too well as he shut the bathroom door behind him.

The shower was quick, and he realized it was too quiet when he left it, and shook his head as he found her asleep on the couch. Quickly shrugging on a pair of sweats from the bag that contained all his belongings, he leaned down and picked her up as carefully as he could, wincing as he felt her move against him, looking down to find her waking up as he just walked into his new room.

[alexabelamy]

"Not anymore." She muttered under her breath, afraid that she would wake up the kid that was craddled in her arms minutes ago. It was long ago since Alexa had been actually paid, and she had stopped caring about this almost just as long. She had heard lots of complaints about it, how the kid had a mother — even though she was never around — and a father, whose complete absence was no longer noted; it was already implied. But Allie struck down, held her feet to te groud, she wasn’t going to live Ella, she was going to stay, ahe needed someone in her life to do that for her, and that person, well, happened to be her.

It wasn’t easy, though, stay in the same room as him. It was suffocating, even — his presence clutched at her stomach, heathead her cheeks, and she wouldn’t be surprised if those were pink rose as he stared at him, mouth slightly open, the bills loosely being held on her hand. “Yes, she’ll probably wake up, and you should definitely take a shower because grease has toxins and I wouldn’t appreciate if you intoxicated her.” Her eyes narrowed slightly, trying to erase from her mind the fact he was shirtless. “I don’t need you money, like I said before, instead, buy yourself some shirts, would you?”  Alexa threw the money on the counter, rushing to pack her books into her bag and leave.

[holdenmartin]

He barely heard what she was saying, but he kept trying to force himself to listen to what she was saying, and not trying to trace every inch of her as if making up for the years that he had been gone. She hated him, it was obvious, every hair on his body could sense just how she felt about him, and he was brought to wonder if she had always actually felt this way. Had there been something he missed when he was watching her grow up? He knew her brother, and Holden had actually seen quite a lot of her when she was younger, and the thought of her being something Holden couldn't bare to look at from fear of the thoughts that always went on roaming her mind caused him to force himself to look anywhere at her, which was why his gaze was set clearly on Ella, and not anywhere else.

His mouth kept opening up and shutting, he didn't know what to say to her. Part of him wanted to slam her against a wall (which wouldn't be anything like the brother's best friend she knew) or force her out of his apartment right that second before she asked why he had left or why his family had up and disappeared from the small town they grew up in (which honestly wouldn't be that far off of what he was always assumed to act like). "I- if- what if she wakes up while I'm in the shower..." he trailed off, rolling his eyes as she threw the money on the counter, tucking it into her bag when she wasn't looking. "I think- what I'm getting at is that I really.. don't know what to do with her if she does wake up..." he trailed off again, feeling like a child who had done wrong, except in this case he had been doing wrong for most of this kids life. "What I'm really getting at is that I was wondering if you could... stay... it's already late anyways, I wouldn't want you going out when it's so dark anyways... you can take the bed and everything.... I'll drop you off to school and whatever..." he said, looking down fleetingly at the floor for a second before looking up to see if her face showed utter distaste or not.

[alexabelamy]

Alexa turned her back to the man, trying to ignore him. She couldn’t, of course — he had a massive effect over her even when he was away, it only made worse that they were so close, now. She rolled her eyes, whispering in Ella’s ear like se always did until she fell back sleep, ignoring all his snarky comments about her age or her payment; she hasn’t been paid in a long time, and she didn’t care, not anymore. Ella was the main reason, and she would take care of her, didn’t matter what.

Walking past him, she tucked the little girl in her bed, kissing her forehead and placing her favorite stuffed animal — a monkey — right beside her. The gilr loved to see her like that, so peaceful, that she even forgot, for a second, who was waiting for her in the next room. Her stomach clutched, and her heart skipped a beat. That wasn’t a proper reaction. “Yes, I am older now, and I don’t need any money, anyway.” Her eyes lingered on his torso for a minute more, quickly looking away and blushing slightly. No, she shouldn’t. She had to push away those thoughts, she had to ignore it. “Calling you is effortless, you never pick up.” She had tried, a couple years ago; he never picked up, and she never called again. 

[holdenmartin]

He took the moment she faced away from him to try and figure out what had changed five years ago. That was impossible though, nothing yet everything had been pushed out of place, and while she was still the girl he used to know, she was much different, and he had to remind himself just how much older then her he actually was, and quickly looked away right when he thought she would notice, although it seemed she was so wrapped up into the child that it was her own, which he was sure she wasn't. Alexa had probably been one of the only girls that he hadn't chased after when he was younger, and he would force himself to leave her alone even now.

"You're the babysitter, you do this for money." he said as he pushed himself off the wall, grabbing his wallet and pulling out whatever he had in his wallet, something that could range from twenty dollars to a hundred for all he knew. He caught her eyes traveling down his chest as he took a step toward her, and for a second he found himself frozen in place, ignoring her comment for a second until he leaned down and grabbed her hand, stuffing the bills in her tiny hands. His eyes scanned over her for a second, before he once again distanced himself from her and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms again. "You've only called me once... that doesn't mean I'll never pick up." he found himself assuring her, remembering that the one time she called him was exactly the day he had taken off, cursing off the whole town and everyone inside it, even though he could never bring himself to completely forget about her. "Can I- Uh- Is she going to wake up? I'm sort of... there's... grease all over me." he said, motioning his hands down himself.

[alexabelamy]

Alexa froze on her spot. Why he always had to treat her like that? She couldn’t find the exact words to reply, she couldn’t even process exactly what was going on; her mind only cleared when Ella started crying, right in her ear. “Watch your language.” She hissed, eyes shifting and mouth pressing in a tense line. He didn’t know how to deal with his own daughter, she did. He had no right to come and kick her out, like she was doing simply a favour — when she actually was, nontheless.

It was distracting, too. She had never forgotten his figure, and the sighs of her firends that followed every time he strooled around in his car; stopping by once in a while, to stay away forever. Thank god that forever always had an end. “It’s not school, it’s college. I am twenty now.” Unecessary remarks as she lifted the girl from the couch, shaking her softly to make her stop crying. “You’re all dirty, she hates this smell, too. I’ll take her to bed.”

[holdenmartin]

He could see the thoughts running through her mind, he always had paid too much attention to her, but his steely gaze remained as she hissed at him, although he didn't quite understand why she seemed so angry. "It's not like she's going to go around saying it." he mouthed off, and his lips formed into a snarl as she took Ella away from him, even though it was what he had wanted in the back of his mind, it was still his daughter and she was basically still a kid, yet she knew how to take care of the girl better then he did.

"Oh wow, you're so old." he rolled his eyes, annoyance seeping even more into his voice as she took steps away from him, his arms crossing over his bare chest as he looked down at her. "Fine, set her down, I'll give you a hundred, that'll cover it, right?" he asked, pulling a wad of bills out of his pocket and peeling one off, setting it down onto the counter before stuffing the rest back in. She was hot angry, but he wasn't about to say anything, he didn't like knowing just how much younger then him she was. He took in a deep breath, running a hand down his face as he followed her into the almost empty room he had for Ella, leaning on the door as he tried not to be irrationally angry with her, he was the one that was late- the one that had forgotten about his kid. "You should have called me." he said, his voice still the same emotionless tone it had been before as he looked down and tried to rub a streak of grease off his shoulder.

[alexabelamy]

"Oh, now you are quiet." Alex unlocked the screen of her phone, checking the last calls and messages. Absolutely nothing. 1 AM and not even sight of him; for a moment, she regretted saying those things on the phone — Alelxa was hardly mean to anyone, ever. She regretted so much that in the same moment she left her house only to look after the little girl that she practically had as her own.

Truth was, she loved her and she couldn’t deny. Didn’t matter how horrible her parents were, it was no Ella’s fault. Her soft breathing made her smile as she flipped the pages of her book, the one she should’ve finished and had a test next morning. She could do it, right? A sigh, yes, she could try, at least.

[holdenmartin]

Holden was quick to pass off the responsibility of taking care of Ella onto the girl who's number had come with his daughter, having no idea who she was but calling anyways, and leaving leaving just as she had arrived, barely even looking at her. He had managed to forget about it all though, as he parked his black mustang and entered his apartment complex, covered in grease from fixing his car the whole day. He had quickly gone to ripping off his dirty shirt before he froze at the brunette sitting in front of him; he knew her voice was familiar, and although it seemed she had changed much since the last time he saw her, she was still insanely beautiful.

He didn't have much time to dwell on these thoughts as he suddenly remembered just why it was he was back home. "Fuck me! Alexa? Why the hell didn't you call? It's almost two am, don't you have to go to school or something tomorrow? It's Sunday." he quickly said, not knowing why his annoyance at his situation was coming out as he spoke to her, but he needed someone to put it out on, and the stupid attraction he had towards the girl was easier to avoid when he was being mad at her. He only winced as Ella began crying, running a hand down his tired face as he stood frozen in place, he never knew how to deal with crying people, let alone children, he took a few steps forward anyways, holding the girl awkwardly in his arms before looking at Alexa again, something he had been avoiding. "You can go, my wallets on the counter." he sighed, looking down confused as the kid as it kept crying, and wincing even more as he saw that he had gotten some grease from his arms on it.