Practicing Paganism in a Disapproving Household: a short list of hacks and tips
So, this is an issue that I’ve been struggling with since I first started working with the Theoi, and it’s become even more pressing as I’ve introduced more deities into my practice and developed something of a routine for each of them. It’s easy to feel bad about having to lie and cut corners when your family is the sort that would actively try to make you stop practicing if they found out about your religion, and as a polytheist, I’ve got a lot of corners, which I like to avoid cutting as often as possible. In hopes of helping other people who are new to paganism escape some of the difficulties I’ve dealt with, I’m going to list a few of the most helpful methods I’ve found for acknowledging, honoring, and communicating with my deities when I’ve got to give the impression of being a Christian on a day-to-day basis.
DEVOTIONAL JEWELRY/ARTICLES OF CLOTHING - I cannot stress enough just how helpful this has been. The idea is to have a piece of jewelry or an article of clothing which you wear for the purpose of reminding you of your deity of choice and helping you feel closer to Them. Personally, I’ve used the same necklace as a devotional item for Apollo for quite some time, and it’s not even specifically related to Him in its design, He just…. knows that’s what it’s for by now. It spends about half its time on His altar, and the rest of the time it’s on me. I wear it pretty much constantly when I have to leave my altars and spend extensive amounts of time with my family (ergo, unable to “properly” worship, or really worship at all). For me, and in the context of closet worship, a devotional accessory or article of clothing is a way of saying “hey, I’m paying attention to You and I want Your company, even though I can’t go through the ceremonial aspects of interacting with You right now.” It’s an open invitation for Apollo to be an active part of my life, whether I can call on Him out loud or not.
OIL. DIFFUSERS. FUCKING OIL DIFFUSERS. I got so unbelievably lucky with this one - my parents happened to take a serious interest in the whole “organic living”, etc. trend, and this led to their house being full of essential oils, thus unknowingly providing their sneaky blasphemous idol-worshipper of a son with the raw materials to make more offerings to his gods. I worship the Theoi, so I diffuse frankincense oil for Them as a joint offering, and other oils associated with specific gods can be diffused just for Them. Even if you’re not in my situation, you can easily pass this off as “I just like the way it smells” or “it helps me calm down at night”, etc. Almost nobody will assume that you bought a cheap oil diffuser at Wal-Mart because you’ve turned to paganism. (Also, there’s a plethora of other uses for essential oils, including dressing candles, cleansing spaces, etc.)
SUPER LOWKEY VEILING. There’s an extensive guide on Hellenic veiling here, and admittedly I don’t know if it’s A Thing in other pagan traditions - but the way I see it, it’s an easy and non-suspicious way to make an obvious change in your life that’s related to your religion, if you can’t talk about it in public or run any god-prompted errands openly (and if your gods are anything like mine, you’ll get…. a lot of those). What I do is cover just part of my hair with a folded bandana or a headscarf, and bam - I have a constant reminder of the Theoi, and, similar to the devotional jewelry thing, it’s a general open invitation to Them to hang around and bother me about anything They think I need to be bothered about. (Also - you can do this regardless of gender. I’m a nonbinary trans man, so I was hesitant to try it at first, and of course your comfort levels regarding dysphoria and such should be taken into account before starting to veil.) You don’t have to do it all the time, or for all the gods, or… well, at any time other than when you feel the need to, really.
EVERYDAY CHORES AND ACTIVITIES - The first Theos I ever acknowledged was Hestia, and for a while I only really actively worshipped Her - I remember going on an “unexplained” and uncharacteristic cleaning binge when I first met Her, and to this day I think of Her when I’m lighting a candle in the kitchen, when I’m doing minor home repairs, when I’m cleaning something that’s really not fun to clean - things along those lines that I’d be doing anyway, so they’re not suspicious at all. When I was outlining new plans for schoolwork recently, the idea of completing a painting/visual arts credit came up, and I very distinctly felt Apollo going “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. My driving practice is dedicated to Hermes. If you do something with the intent of embodying the virtues of a particular god and giving Them honor through it, congrats, it’s an offering. Doesn’t matter if it’s a completely mundane, routine thing in and of itself.
YOU DON’T NEED CANDLES - But yeah, I get it, they’re really nice to have around. You don’t have to get them in specific colors associated with your gods unless you want to or you feel like They want you to. You can use flameless candles. You can use tea lights. You can use tiny floaty candles in cute shapes in a bowl of water and pass it off as an aesthetic thing. You can use scented candles (scents that correspond to your gods are great!). You can use a wax warmer if you really just can’t do candles at all. Hell, I can see Hermes being okay with one of those little air freshener things that smell like pine or pumpkin spice or whatever and go in your car. It DOES NOT have to be fancy and ritualistic, trust me. If your gods want you to break your wallet and won’t listen to reason about it, tell ‘em to fuck off. (Yes, you’re allowed to do that - which is a whole different post in itself.) But also - consider that you might not have the right number if that happens, and you should probably look into warding and discernment.
WARD YOUR SHIT - In light of that last comment, seriously, I highly recommend warding your shit, particularly if you’re closeted. I know not all pagans are witches, but if you are practicing in complete secret, you might not be able to call on your gods by name or cleanse the space or do any of that stuff - it’s probably a good idea to at least make a sigil along the lines of “only the deity I’ve invoked can answer divination performed with this book/phone/whatever" and put it on said divination tool, if only to make conversation a bit smoother and to put your mind at ease if you ever worry that you might be making things up. I know from experience that the fear that you’re actually nuts or faking it can be especially pervasive when you don’t have anyone you can talk to face-to-face about your religion and your experiences. This isn’t to scare you or to be like “evil spirits are gonna get you, blehhhh” - I didn’t ward a damn thing until pretty recently, and I was fine. It’s just a smart precaution to take, and I think it’s especially helpful for people who can’t always communicate with their gods in the “proper” way, whatever that may be. (Your gods, of course, are stronger than any ritual impurity/lack of “proper” practice and whatnot, or They wouldn’t be gods - but, y'know, having faith can coexist with being extra safe and taking precautions.)
DIVINATION APPS - Divination is one of the most common ways to communicate with pagan gods (especially if your “godphone” is less than clear or just happens to be fried at the moment), and while hiding a deck of tarot cards can be really risky, it’s pretty doable to download a free app like Golden Thread Tarot and use that to introduce yourself to divination. Keep in mind that downloadable decks are still decks, and pretty much any warnings about finicky behavior or general weirdness that apply to tarot in general will apply to this as well. (This is also why I specified warding your phone earlier, because doing divination with your phone is often the most convenient method in an undercover situation.)
MUSIC IS YOUR BEST FRIEND - One of the most subtle things you can do to acknowledge your gods is play/listen to songs that you think They’d like, or that make you think of Them. You don’t have to be a musician - singing in the shower is great, blasting a song or a playlist in the car is great, singing while you clean or putter around the house is great. This can be used to honor basically any god, but it’s especially convenient if your patron or one of the gods you worship is associated with music and the arts - yes, hello, that’s me, resident Apollo devotee reporting for duty. Also - it’s possible to use your music list or a specific playlist, album, etc. for divination, which is known as shufflemancy. Here’s how it works.
TEA AND COFFEE ARE ALSO YOUR BEST FRIENDS - There might be one out there somewhere, but I’ve never interacted with a god who’d turn Their nose up at a worshipper making Them a cup of tea. Over time, you’ll probably discover particular brands and types of tea that your gods prefer over others - and depending on your gods, your tradition, and your own feelings, it’s totally A Thing to make yourself a drink and think “okay, Deity X, I can’t get another mug out because it’d look weird, but I’m thinking of You and this type of tea/coffee reminds me of You.” Also, you can leave half of a drink untouched and pour it out later as a libation - just recently, I gave Hermes half a hazelnut coffee from a truck stop to thank Him for safe travel. There’s a lot you can do with tea, coffee, and other nondescript drinks without making anyone the slightest bit suspicious.
ALTARS DON’T HAVE TO LOOK LIKE ALTARS - You can pass off an offering bowl as a random-kicknacks-bowl, arrange some shells or other deity-related natural objects on your dresser “for the aesthetic”, keep your mythology books and/or religious notebooks on a certain table or desk and make a point of keeping it tidy - as long as you’re maintaining a space with your deity in mind, it’s an altar. It doesn’t have to look fancy. I’d love to have a statue of Apollo on His altar, but I just can’t in my current environment, and there is no rule saying that you can’t interact with a deity unless you’ve got a very obvious icon of Them. Another great option is flowers, fake or real - people put fake flowers in their rooms for the aesthetic all the time, and I’ve found it feels very personal and nice to go out and buy or cut flowers specifically for your deity. They can be specifically related to your deity via mythology, or, like me, you can just go “hey, Apollo, green and yellow seems like Your aesthetic, so I’m gonna go with that, I hope You like them!” In my experience, keeping flowers in a vase on your altar and maintaining them can help it feel… more important, more real, in a way, if you can’t have anything obviously altar-y up there. I’m not sure why, but it really does. Along those same lines, houseplants can definitely be dedicated to deities, and you can even pour libations into a plant for Them - just make sure you’re mindful of how much water the plant actually needs, and this should go without saying, but don’t pour anything other than water in there.
READING - It’s highly unlikely that your family members will see you reading a book on Greek mythology (or Norse, or Celtic, or what have you) and take it as a sign that you’re practicing a pagan religion. While different people have different opinions about the amount of truth in mythology, and it’s important to remember that it doesn’t necessarily represent your gods with total accuracy, reading stories about Them and learning about Their historical depictions is a good way to let Them know you’re interested in Them. You don’t have to learn Ancient Greek or become a historian, but the way I see it, learning about how your gods have been portrayed and viewed throughout history is a sign that you care about Them and that you want to have a deeper understanding of Them. (Also, for my fellow Hellenics, here are the Homeric Hymns.)
Please keep in mind that you don’t have to do everything on the above list to worship your gods, and I am by no means an expert in anything religious. Your practice should be tailored to what makes you and your gods comfortable, and you absolutely don’t have to listen to anyone else’s opinions about it. I really hope this post can alleviate some anxiety for other worshippers who are just starting out and can’t be open about their practice, and I hope all of you are able to find peace and safety soon.
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