I know it’s not fair. But sometimes I get so fucking angry about people who won’t do a damn thing to change their situation. All they do is make excuses. What a fucking luxuary that must be. Like yeah I’ve got multiple mental illnesses too but here I still am, making my life about EVERYTHING OTHER than how sick I am. I am horrified of the thought of anyone ever thinking that I would use my illnesses as an excuse and I don’t understand how people do it constantly, for years on end???
Like... come ON. What are you getting out of this?? Attention? Surely that’s not worth all the bloody drama?! A stay in hospital, some more sick-looking photos for your insta, so everyone knows just how close you care to actually dying? (extreme sarcasm for those who can’t read between the lines)
Because you know what doesn’t fucking impress me? Your ability to “nearly” die every year or so. Lets be real, we’ve all seen that act already and tbh it’s getting old. I count at least 10 “serious attempts” and I’m, frankly, exhausted. I can’t imagine how your family and friends(?) feel.
I can’t imagine how borderline BORING it is for your “medical teams” (ps that’s not a term you can use for an impromptu visit to an emergency Department for a faked attempt) to constantly treat the same bullshit symptoms year in and year out and know that INDEED you are actually very sick but you’ll never listen to anyone who tries to tell you just how sick you are because your real illness isn’t cute and instagramable and tragic, it’s murky and dark and twisted and all about how well you can lie and manipulate everyone around you.
The only thing that could impress me (and probably anyone else) at this point, is changing. And none of this “I’ve made new accounts cos I’m starting over and working on recovery” bullshit. Because we’ve all seen that before too, and it means nothing. People talk about “recovery” like it’s another stage of being sick. People who are obsessed with their recovery ARE still sick!! For gods sake, just get a grip, and move on. Decide to change, and then ACTUALLY do it. Hold yourself accountable for your actions. stop lying. Stop manipulating. Stop using excuses for not doing anything. Get off social media and make friends in real life. (“Oh but my anxiety makes it so I can’t...” ffs seriously stop that. Go back to the part about using excuses) stop blaming other people for how you feel and start accepting responsibility for your own happiness. Leave home get a job get a license get a car get a boys friend get a girlfriend get a cat or a dog or a fucking alpaca, make your life about more than words on a fucking screen, these included.
