Making a change to better my life.

Hi! My name is Holly and all I'm trying to do is make a change in my life. I started my fitness journey in August of 2012 and have stumbled but I will never fall. I battle with depression and anxiety and have opted out of chemical treatments. I'm here to share my journey to a more positive and healthy life. It is never the end, every day is a brand new beginning. Never give up. #warriorwoman

[the-beauty-of-words-blog]

[hollymakesachange]

Trying..

To figure out which direction to take. I feel so lost. But I know what I need and deserve and I'm not getting that. Do I have the courage to make the change I need to? This is going to be a long hard journey.

[hollymakesachange]

Happiness

It should start at home right? But what if it doesn't? What if going home is something that makes you nervous every day. I feel like I'm once again between a rock and a hard place and have no where to turn. But I do. I have many places to turn, it's just having the courage to do so. I don't know if I have that courage. I'm happy with my job, my friends, starting to accept and love myself again, but I don't know if I'm happy at home. Everything is always my fault. I'm the bad guy and I don't care enough or I care to much. I'm selfish and only think about me. I don't get the intimacy I need which effects my self esteem. I'm just lost. I need to find my happiness, but I don't know where it is or how to get to it.

[hollymakesachange]

- Life is seriously about to turn around for us. I'm laying in bed, listening to you snore, and I don't think I could possibly love you anymore than I do. You work so hard for us and never give up. You love me with all my flaws, and trust me, I have plenty. I cannot wait to continue on through this crazy journey of life with you and to see what the future holds. No matter where we end up as long as I'm with you, I'm home. ❤️

[hollymakesachange]

Wow

I haven't been on here in ages. Honestly, I've never understood how this thing exactly works and I'm sure no one looks at my page anyways so it doesn't matter. Haha. Started my new job yesterday, doing actual training in the store today. I'm kind of nervous, but I know I can do it. I guess for a job like this anxiety is a good thing. We shall see.

[captainxsamwilson]

See this, this exact moment, this exact gif. This is not the man who won the Oscar, this is that little kid who forced his parents to go on so many auditions until he got something. This is genuine happiness from the dreamer inside him and he finally reached his goal. I am so proud. 

source x

[hollymakesachange]

What a feeling.

Today was my first day back in the gym and I feel wonderful. I was so productive today and still have time to relax! I'm getting back into my grove and I am not going back again. I deserve to be happy and healthy. I have a wonderful boyfriend who supports me and is down to eat healthy with me! I love how much he supports me and encourages my good behavior. I'm still in onederland and would like to get back down to 175 (I'm at 196.5 right now) by my 24th birthday in April. I have an awesome opportunity coming up with a wonderful company and I can't wait to see where it goes. Things are getting great and are just going to get better. 😍😄

[hollymakesachange]

All I want...

Is a little bit of your attention. A little bit of your time. We live together and it's like we're on opposite planets. Other things seem to be more important than me or that you'd rather spend your time on. I don't feel like I ask for to much. I just don't know what to do to get you to see me anymore. It's almost like being looked straight through and it sucks. I know this is important to you, and I'm glad you're succeeding in what you're doing, but I miss you and our time together. Maybe one day I'll be okay with it or understand more. I love you so much, so I will try. Maybe I'll find other ways to spend my time, and one day we can meet in the middle.

[oddandquirky]

[hollymakesachange]

The feels.

I feel kind of lost in life, but on track? I don't know how that works but that's what it is. That's the best way I can describe it. I'm on track school wise, with work, and my relationship, but I feel like my internal self is lacking. I need to find my place of fulfillment again. I think I know where and what it is I need to do, it's just having the actual time do it. My motivation and determination just need to be redistributed in my life. I'm going to get there, I'm only 23 with so much life ahead of me. I'm going to continue to grow and change and move forward and that's what I need to remember. That this is not the end, it's not a half way point, I'm still in the beginning of my journey called life and I'm not ready to give up or roll over just yet. Big things are to come, I know it, but I have to be the one to do it for myself.

[yrbff]

(by elaina wahl)

[zenpencils]

[hollymakesachange]

Sweet finds I got today! Make these little guys a part of your home! http://etsy.me/1LBFezA

[hollymakesachange]

Whelp

What a long week. Life really takes a toll on you sometimes, but I will always overcome. So tonight I am unwinding before what I'm assuming will be an even longer week due to unfortunate events. I'm having a few beers, watching a few scary movies and going to forget about everything for tonight. I have a lunch date with a best friend tomorrow and get to go see my mother in law. I got a lot of awesome stuff today that's pretty vintage that I'm going to be trying to sell, I'll share links. Today was a good day. Things are going to turn around, they have to. I'm going to talk to someone about starting back to school on Thursday and I'm going to start working towards my career. I'm not settling for life anymore. I can do whatever I want to and not have to settle for working in retail for the rest of my life. The only way to do that is to try and move forward, for real though, not just talking about it. I'm going to. I'm gonna make the big bucks.

[a-disciplined-life]

Four rules for a disciplined life

(Credit to reddit user ryans01).

No zero days. ‘What’s a zero day? A zero day is when you don’t do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I’m not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that’s not the point. The point I’m trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. Didn’t do anything all fucking day and it’s 11:58 PM? Write one sentence. One pushup. Read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non zero.’

Be grateful to the three yous. ‘There’s the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you’s are the key. Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you’ve done. And do favours for the future you like you would for your best bro.’

Forgive yourself. ‘Maybe you got all the know-how, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever is you wanna do. But lets say you still didn’t do it. Now you’re giving yourself shit for not doing what you need to, to be who you want to. Heads up champion, being disappointed in yourself causes you to be less productive. Tried your best to have a nonzero day yesterday and it failed? So what. I forgive you, previous self. I forgive you. But today? Today is a nonzero masterpiece to the best of my ability for future self. This one’s for you, future homes. Forgiveness man, use it. I forgive you. Say it out loud.’

Exercise and books. ‘Pretty standard advice but when you exercise daily you actually get smarter. When you exercise you get high from endorphins (thanks body). When you exercise you clear your mind. When you exercise you are doing your future self a huge favour. Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool. Feel me? As for books, almost every fucking thing we’ve all ever thought of, or felt, or gone through, or wanted, or wanted to know how to do, or whatever, has been figured out by someone else. Get some books.’ 

[turningtricksbdwozhere-deactiva]

My friend linked this to me on reddit when I was feeling really down and it changed me. Excellent advice!

[hollymakesachange]

😔

I'm trying really hard to keep a positive outlook on life but it's like life just keeps wanting to beat me down. Why can't things just go easily? It's like one hurtle is overcome and then one that's even bigger is dropped down in front of you. I know things will get better and when one door closes another one opens, so on and so forth. But it is just really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And that's when I really see my depression rear its angry head. Fighting back is sometimes near impossible. I want to just quit and give up, however I can't. Giving up is not an option. I will survive just like I always have; I'm a warrior woman.

[hollymakesachange]