Iām a little late to the party, but hereās my day 1 holtzbertĀ week drabble.
The bed feels empty without her.
Holtz is lying on her back, her arm stretched out across the left side of the bed. She twists her fingers around the sheets, pulling them closer, trying to gain back the feeling of Erin next to her.
Theyāve been sleeping together. Not sleeping together, justā¦ sleeping. Itās good. Something sheās been craving. Itās something she didnāt even know she wanted or liked or ached for until now.
Holtz isnāt quite sure how they started. An accidental nap on the couch together here, a nightmare there, and suddenly they were spending the night, the whole night, together. Holtz on the right, Erin on the left. They didnāt bring it up. There was no questioning it. It simply was.
Existing next to her was a privilege. Ā
Feeling their hands intertwined wasā¦ something else. Feeling the breath on her neck. Feeling their legs overlapping. It took her breath away. Not because Erin is hot and sleeping together is sexy, but from Erinās sheer beauty. It was like her heart was frozen and exploding all at once.
Her pulse jumps as she thinks about it, and then slowly quiets as her brain brings up the next unwanted fact.
Erin has a boyfriend now.
They started dating a bit ago, two maybe three weeks, half as long as Holtz has been sharing a bed with her. It wasnāt until last week that Erin started sleeping over at whatās-his-faceās place. Of course good for Erin, but Holtz feels like sheās missing something now.
Fuck her for giving her this piece and then taking it away.
Holtz angrily sits up and throws the covers off, cupping her head in her hands. She shouldnāt be feeling this way. Erin is Erin and straight, or at least not interested, and not interested. And not interested. And not interested. Either way, this is not a permanent solution. Erin will date people, and sleep with people. People that arenāt her. Sure maybe sheāll get to be the person Erin sleeps next to between boyfriends, and it might not mean anything to Erin, but each night together just makes it harder for Holtz to let her go the next time.
Itās so absurd that itās reached a point where Holtz has a hard time sleeping without her.
She gets up and walks around her room, tinkering with an electrical board in the back corner of her room, resetting the looping process of the computer running numbers under her window, and then crossing a shirt dropped on the floor. Holtz picks it up. Itās the t-shirt she let Erin borrow once when she crashed before getting her own pajamas from upstairs. Itās wrinkled from weeks of sitting on the floor without being washed, and smells slightly of sweat. She drops it into the hamper, finally, with a sigh and goes back to her bed, flopping down on her stomach on the left side of the bed, face buried in Erinās pillow.
Thereās a nudge on her side and suddenly sheās being shoved over.
āHey! I was sleeping there!ā Holtz pouts, lifting her head to see whoās pushing her.
āNo, you werenāt.ā Erin hovers at the edge of the bed.
āIād thought youād be with your dude, guy, person, tonight.ā
āNo, Iā¦ā Erin looks at the wall to the right of Holtzā eyes. āI ended things. Heās not the right person.ā
āAh. I understand that.ā Holtz sits up and motions for Erin to join her in the bed, observing her nervous bird behavior, like she might fly away any second.
āIām not looking for the same things he was.ā A pause.
āOrā¦ umā¦ ratherā¦ I am.ā
It takes her a second to understand what Erin means, sleep hindering her normally sharp brain. āYou? Gay?ā is all she can manage to make her mouth say.
āI donāt know, but I like you. I like this.ā Erin motions between them. āI found myself missing you when I was with him.ā
Holtz reaches out to take her hand, not quite convinced this isnāt a dream and she didnāt actually fall asleep earlier. Erin slides into bed beside Holtz, pulling her closer. Holtz wraps her arms around Erin in a vertical hug, but when Erin moves to kiss her, she stops her.
āI donāt want you to wake up tomorrow regretting this.ā
āI wonāt,ā Erin whispers, coming closer again.
āI donāt want to wake up tomorrow and find out I was dreaming this.ā
āYou wonāt.ā Erin closes the gap.
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