The Beast/Sea Boys

A chaotic slice of life (and everything else) from the extended family of Octavio the gnoll and his beloved merman boyfriend Ray.

[barovianchickenandwaffles-deact]

People say a CR 1/8 Darklord in the Domains of Dread isn’t much to talk about.

But have you seen me rap though?

[holy-cagnolli]

Let's barrage this with notes to get the Archwaffleman Oleksii to rap on tumblr dot com!!!

[holy-cagnolli]

A gnoll office worker who immediately becomes the office antihero when their lunch is stolen and eaten by an unknown coworker. First, they make a medium-rare chicken sandwich because it's something they can handle, but regular non-hyenid people can't. Then, if the thief still doesn't let up, they make a DELICIOUS sandwich made out of a person and only after it's eating will they leave a note on the fridge "whichever one of you sweat producers ate my sandwich, welcome to the cannibal club." Is this a rich character concept or

[barovianchickenandwaffles-deact]

Only 48 Day Left Before Strahdmas

What some call “Halloween”.

[holy-cagnolli]

On the first day of Strahdmas, my burgomeister gave to me...

[holy-cagnolli]

Hey guys, my plating's not the best, but I made a DELICIOUS delicious aaracokra paprikash with garlic olive oil couscous and sourdough bread from the local bakery, and I'm looking for recognition.

[holy-cagnolli]

Today is the anniversary of the Octavio experience going live on the other hellsite 5 years ago. I want to do something to celebrate, but I have a lot going on today, not the least of it being a plague infecting my non-family roommates. I'll bank my anniversary for something big and spectacular, though!

[holy-cagnolli]

I forgot about this app! I was excited to see 16 new follower notifications, but then they all looked suspiciously inhuman. This is one of the weird times my Paladin Divine Sense could not definitively answer about the humanity of entities brought in front of me. There was also a suspiciously glamorous appeal to these people, all categorically feminine in their outfits. I think this website doesn't know I'm gay and in a relationship? I'll remember all 16 of you if I ever grow so bold as to choose my styles out of your playbook in an explorative future gender search.

With my Paladin posting out of the way, from my gnollish heart, I regret to inform you all that halfling rogues had nearly plundered my home for all my secret spice mixes and now I'm running low on those spices because I had to use them on the halflings. I've got leftovers too, if anyone wants an easy dinner tonight! Bring me your favorite skull or tupperware container, and I will trade you back when you return the container that it is currently housed in.

[barovianchickenandwaffles-deact]

Another member of the BCnW crew: “Gary” the High Master Illithid / barista. He is a gift from @bluetspur-corporate-hq and when he’s not plotting against me nor devouring hapless humanoids, he’s serving up tasty caffeinated beverages, which is no mean feat (have you *tried* our coffee?).

Feel free to say hi and order your favorite drink, just don’t turn your back on him.

[holy-cagnolli]

Hi, Gary! Can you make a Gnoll Black Mocha Coffee with 3 shots espresso, 4 shots of goat milk, 2 shots of waffle batter, 3 shots of chocolate chips, and 5 shots of bacon?

[holy-cagnolli]

Me to my super-powerful Mama Bonetree: "Ray and I are REALLY into this musician from the Earth Campaign Setting. He has this really romantic song about a couple decomposing in a field-"

Mama Bonetree, as she grins with the full intimidation of her massive fangs: "Yes, that one! I love his work too. My favorite song of his is Eat Your Young."

Me: "I like that song too!... You can stop showing me your fangs now. They're as sharp and glossy as ever."

Mama: "Just think about that song in your life's context next time, dear!"

[demiplanardemagogue]

After a period of separation, Azalin Rex recently reached out to his former flying mount and ally, the shadow dragoness Ebb, strongly suggesting a return to his castle. A Kargat representative told us that Ebb simply flew the coop in frustration during Azalin's "extended vacation". Ebb however maintains she submitted her proper two week notice to then temp custodian of Castle Avernus, Galf Kloggin. Kloggin could not be reached for comment.

In any case, Ebb rebuked Azalin's offer. Citing her change of status on her 757 BC birthday, the shadow dragon stated, "I'm getting too Old for this shit! I'm not gonna be your aerial chauffeur anymore. If you wanna go somewhere from now on, stand on your own two feet!"

Ebb further explained, "I'm a family dragon now, with kids and a hubby. We've got a happy family life making others unhappy! And besides, despite his name, Gloom is less depressing than your brooding bony butt. My return to your side is no longer a Dread Possibility!"

Ebb currently maintains an active business of raiding and pillaging from her nest in Mount Nyld, where she lives with her hatchlings and cave-husband, Gloom.

[holy-cagnolli]

I don't know if Azalin taking "Take a Hike" literally would be the best thing for his decaying body or worst thing for it. Still, I would love to come along and see what kind of sass he has for all the Darkonian flora and fauna!

[demiplanardemagogue]

And there you have it folks, the Demiplane of Dread’s next top talk show. “Azalin’s Long Walks Getting Sassy” would be quite a hit for sure!

[holy-cagnolli]

I think if we combined it as an hour-long cooking/hiking show, we could really milk his unlimited amounts of snark, especially about food that does not nourish him anymore and probably would have been too spicy for him back when it did sustain him!

[holy-cagnolli]

I am excited to enlighten you all: gnolls eat the whole corn, cob and all. Its crunch is like bones! That's why in our language, corn's literal word is "bone fruit"! We happen to be masters of confusing fruits with vegetables.

[holy-cagnolli]

People really like this fact about my first language! Here's another one: we eat the whole pineapple, skin, leaves, and all. Its word in our language is "battlerager tart egg." Yet again, we defy the laws of the food pyramid or whatever the modern food religion is!

And here's one more: pumpkin is "enriching armored loaf," implying that pumpkin is a bread that can also be an ingredient in bread.

[holy-cagnolli]

Humans have only just discovered cuatro leches. My mom ensured I grew strong by feeding me no less than trece leches and has now invented diecisiete leches, which was devoured within 2 and a quarter seconds by her four ravenous gnoll/gnoll-adjacent children. "Diecisiete leches" just rolls off the tongue a lot better!

[holy-cagnolli]

I am excited to enlighten you all: gnolls eat the whole corn, cob and all. Its crunch is like bones! That's why in our language, corn's literal word is "bone fruit"! We happen to be masters of confusing fruits with vegetables.

[barov-von-zarovich]

The Gnoll language is so nuanced, I should write a poem in it for my beloved Ravenovia And a speech to inspire my troops in it.

[holy-cagnolli]

I would love to spread the fluency of my language! Do you have any non-Devil populated realms we can collaborate on this poem in?

[holy-cagnolli]

I am excited to enlighten you all: gnolls eat the whole corn, cob and all. Its crunch is like bones! That's why in our language, corn's literal word is "bone fruit"! We happen to be masters of confusing fruits with vegetables.

[holy-cagnolli]

Hello all! A bit of an update: I have not been devoured by my doting merboyfriendpatron, I have survived Shark Week, and now Ray has enough power to grant me another warlock level! What spell and invocation should I petition him for?

[barovianchickenandwaffles-deact]

Coming soon: the Strahd Waffle or “Strahffle” as we call it around here.

[holy-cagnolli]

Build me a Strahffel Tower!

[barovianchickenandwaffles-deact]

Man, the America campaign setting is really messed up. Glad I live in Barovia, not there. 😅

[holy-cagnolli]

I've been saying that for years! That's why I first moved to Barovia!

Well, that's not entirely true. I moved to Barovia because Strahd tricked me with immortal vampirism and then trapped me in Barovia consequently. But then I got better and moved to the Feywild!!!

[barovianchickenandwaffles-deact]

You were right to do so. This place is a paradise in comparison.

[barov-von-zarovich]

You all should try Advernus when you get a chance. It's hot, has a werid smell, something is always on fire, and you're always sticky for some reason ........still better than America sometimes.

[barovianchickenandwaffles-deact]

Speaking which, did they ever put out that giant tire fire that’s been burning in Avernus all this time?

[holy-cagnolli]

You're telling me I can start tire fires at the expense of devils? I have a new vacation idea!

[barovianchickenandwaffles-deact]

Man, the America campaign setting is really messed up. Glad I live in Barovia, not there. 😅

[holy-cagnolli]

I've been saying that for years! That's why I first moved to Barovia!

Well, that's not entirely true. I moved to Barovia because Strahd tricked me with immortal vampirism and then trapped me in Barovia consequently. But then I got better and moved to the Feywild!!!