Wolf Like Me

megan. 27. south florida. whatever i had written here before was dumb, of course

[cinematapestry]

“We all want to be something better than we are…”

-I Smile Back (2015) dir. Adam Salky

[homeis]

I don't exist.

I'm nothing.

But think I was once something.

[danger]

[discolor3d]

[cashrulezbisous]

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[1st-1]

[homeis]

Today used to be our friendiversary. Now it's just another day, just like last year.

[homeis]

I had a dream that I texted you or messaged you blissfully caught up in flurry of nostalgia and impulsiveness, while also acutely aware of what really matters in life...I hit send and hoped for the best. And to my complete surprise, you responded right away. That aim message noise flashes in my mind. I dont remember what was said, just that you were happy to hear from me. A moment, either a memory or something made up, I'm in my 'under the sea' themed blue room sitting at my computer chair. I'm holding a small cellphone and just received or sent a message that indicates that one of us is about to head over to the others place. my god, that feeling. that safety. I wish the dream kept going on. I wish it wasnt a dream. I have so much I want to talk to you about.

[homeis]

Sometimes, when I feel too tired to go against it or when I feel the desire to sink into the familiar indulgence of the thought, sometimes

I miss drinking.

I miss the soft "shh shh, it's okay" of that first sip. It cradling me and saying "come on and tell us all about it. What have they done to you?"

I miss the slow and fast tilt of the earth beneath me, making me dance. With eyes closed and the feeling of "Its all mine"

my own little world

my own little world

my old familiar little world

you were once there too, you know

[they-shall-inherit-the-earth]

[homeis]

me to me

[timbllr]

[hirxeth]

[homeis]

I haven't known you in a number of years. It pains me to say that I don't know you anymore. But I knew you then, and that's who visits me in my dreams all the time. Laughing hard and making me feel warm. There is still so much I want to share with you. And so much I wish you wanted to share with me. I loved you then but I didn't realize how much. I still don't know what I wrote you almost 6 years ago, I had blacked out from drinking. I don't know what you replied. All of it was deleted for me before I could find out. I think the not knowing prompts a lot of the dreams. What did I say? What did you say back? I was told that I didn't want to know. But I imagine it having gone all kinds of ways. But still, I wish I still knew you. I wish you wanted to know me. But I keep a part of you in my heart forever nonetheless. I hope to meet you again.

[foreign-feelings]

“In Greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound”. It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards and forwards, it takes us to a place where we ache to go again.”

— Don Draper, “The Wheel” (via flowing-air)

[erinat]

“Terrible things happen to good people every day. Consequentially, I am not one of the good people. I am one of the terrible things.”

— Marianna Paige (via agonize)

[sleepin]

[shabbydreams]