At Home With Dad

Short parenting blogs... No tips. No advice. Just survival. #creativenonfiction #parentingstough #instadads

[homewithdad-blog]

I push the creaky bathroom door open. An empty shelf. No tubs of coconut-based products cluttering the space, blocking natural light from passing through the glass. The room's clean. Too clean. I stride into the kitchen… I’m just pointing out here we live in a town house so our kitchen and bathroom are opposite, it’s not a writing error. The setting is real, the rest is questionable... I stride into the kitchen, leap frog over the muddy scooter, swerve the mutating dollop of yogurt, and tip toe across the jam stained radiator like a Ninja. I land gracefully in front of the cabinet and open it. I've won. I’ve flippin' won! The Teenager brought the pots down from her fortress of technology when I asked, placed them in the dishwasher, turned the dishwasher on, and emptied it. And cleaned the bathroom. I win this round. 5000 to The Teenager, 59 to me. Definitely catching up. What are your #parentingwins? #winning #dadsofinstagram #teenagers #familytime #prouddad #instadads #creativenonfiction #dadwinning #kitchenbattles (at Stockport) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA1B5oDl34Q/?igshid=q1pvwnsu7669

[homewithdad-blog]

Fatherhood has changed me. No doubt about it. I think differently, act more sensibly. I’ve become more empathetic, compassionate – I feeeel more. I also have less hair, more wrinkles and a twitch developing over my right eye, but all in all, I’m a better person because of those little bundles of chubbiness. But I never believed I’d have to use so much bribery, ahem, bargaining power, to parent my boys. I used to scoff into my single man’s red wine, watching parents shoving iPhones into their kids’ faces in restaurants. ‘You’ll never see me do that,’ scoff, scoff, scoff. What a fool, what a naïve fool I was. I really miss that guy. How did I fall into this trap? Sleep deprivation, probably. Wanting an easy life, definitely. But it’s not an easy life is it? Not in the end. Eventually, I’ll have nothing to give, and then what? When they’ve eaten all the cakes, watched all the films and drank all the variations of concentrated organic juice this world has to offer, what’s next? I think I’ve figured it out. I’ve been trying to protect them from feelings of disappointment. When they react to a decision which infringes upon their happiness, like leaving a fun event or not eating all the grapes in one sitting, I’ve plastered over their natural response to disappointment with a reward system that only delays their frustration before it moves onto the next issue. Time for a bit of tough love. How do you deal with saying no? #instadads #instamums #parentingstough #sleepsforwimps #bribingthekids #toughlove #creativekids #creativeparents https://www.instagram.com/p/CAj8MUalDlA/?igshid=7sr0ac4h1e47

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We've been relying heavily on #disneyplus at the moment. #netflix has been battered. #amazonprime battered and flogged! There's so much strangeness on these modern channels. Really weird stuff that could bring about Acid flashbacks if you watch it long enough. I thought we were on safe ground with Disney. I really don't know why I thought that. "What happened to #moana 's grandma?" The Boy asks. "She died." "Why did that man shoot the man trying to kill the man with the knife?" "Erm. It's complicated. #pochahontas is not an easy watch. "Why are they trying to kill that baby?" "He's a God and they're trying to stop him growing up." "Why?" I'd forgotten just how messed up Greece mythology is. #hercules "What happened to the boat?" "In sank." "With their mum and dad on it?" "Yep." "Now they're dead aren't they?" "Yep." Can you guess which film that is? "Come on son, let's watch something new." "What is it?" "#Tarzan." 10 mins later: FFS! #instadads #instamums #lockdown #disneyplus #parentingstough #parenting #talkingaboutdeath https://www.instagram.com/p/CAaOyxjlXWr/?igshid=1b403oq3rot01

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"Dad, why don't we write messages on some of the fallen leaves and let them go up the river?" "I don't think I have a pen." He pulls one from his explorers pack. "I do." #kidsareace #instadads #creativekids #instamums #naturetrails #thegreatoutdoors #stockportdads #writingparents (at Stockport) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAXnmrMFhCK/?igshid=6lhdf3xbcdr9

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"DAD, CAN YOU PLAY WITH ME?" I glance at myself in the mirror. Pen on my face. Questionable stains all over my tshirt. Tired red eyes. One sock. "What do you think we've been doing for the last... erm, is it day time?" "DAD, I WANNA WATCH SECRET LIFE OF PETS 2." Why is he shouting at me? He's about half a metre away and stood on The Wife's exhausted body. Giving him a few extra inches in height and sound range. "Son, use your indoor voice, please." "I WANT SOMETHING TO EAT. GET ME SOMETHING." "Hmm, mmm, arrr, oooh." "What's that, Babe?" The Wife pulls a battered looking Chase from Paw Patrol off her face. "I said, why's he always shouting?" "MUMMY! I COULDN'T FIND YOU." "I think there's something wrong with him," I say. "I WANNA WATCH SECRET LIFE OF PETS." "I heard you, son. Please stop shouting, you're gonna wake your brother up." In the next room I hear a thud. The Wife and I stare at the door. It opens. "NOW THERE'S TWO OF THEM!" I place Chase back on The Wife's face and take the boys downstairs. The clock on the wall ticks, telling me it's only 9am. "Today boys, you can watch all the films and eat all the snacks!" "YAY," They shout. They always shout. What's the most frustrating habit your kids have? Share you pain! #parentingstough #ihatepawpatrol #instadads #instamums #tiredparents #shoutingkids #lockdown (at Davenport and Cale Green, Stockport) https://www.instagram.com/p/CATGahDF2UJ/?igshid=1jpojhmwn57cb

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5am: I know he's there. I try to stay as fake asleep as possible. You never know, he might go back to sleep? 5:05am: He's breathing literally right down my ear. I can taste his breath inside my skull. 5:09am: He knows. "Dad." This pointless game is over. "Good morning, Son." "Can we go downstairs and watch that film." "I used to class 6 in the morning as night once you know?" "The one when the mum and dad die when the tiger kills them and the baby cries in the treehouse." "It's a Leopard not a tiger." "And then he lives with the monkeys." "Gorillas." "What's it called again?" "Tarzan." "Can we watch it?" "No!" 5:20am: He leans over my face and shares with me a continuous stream of facts, thoughts, bargaining strategies, beliefs and reasons why he should be allowed to watch Tarzan. 5:29am: His little brother enters the bedroom. 5:30am: Watching Tarzan. Some days I can find the mental ability to negotiate my way out of this scenario. Sometimes he might read, sometimes he goes back to sleep. Sometimes The Wife deals with it. What's your strategy? What time are your little ones getting up? #sleepsforwimps #sleepisfortheweak #instadads #instamums #tarzanmovie #athomewithdad #parentingstough #lockdown #creativenonfiction #dadofboys #dadlife https://www.instagram.com/p/CAUb5eqF8Oo/?igshid=1witf7yh3jxs3