One Moment At A Time

Holding space, For the conflicting truths

[honestyalways]

I’ve been abusive and I own that

I commit to my healing, my growth

I can’t make you let me help

But I’m here if you will

I’ll move with you like the willow with the wind

[honestyalways]

When will it stop

The feeling that each

Bump

Scrape

Scratch

Will be mortal

That it will be the killing blow

That the retreat will be for the final time

Will it ever stop

- j

[honestyalways]

The light is different

It’s bright and electric almost

The refractions and reflections that I

Never noticed before are brought to the fore

And I start to almost convince myself

I am an untrustworthy narrator

But I’ve done enough therapy

Enough small-talk

Enough deep delving

To know that all that’s happening is

Me, trying to tell myself, something

And even if that me

Believes what it sees

It doesn’t make it real

But it’s still worth listening

[honestyalways]

A good idea, lost in a sea

With something else to see

And something more to do

And so it disappears

Floating beyond view

But what goes around comes around

And here is the good idea anew

[honestyalways]

There’s certain little voices

That whisper

As if into empty rooms

In the dead of night

And I don’t know

How many more times

Or if it will be endless

The effort of speaking over

Of rewriting

Of silencing

Those certain voices

-j

[honestyalways]

There’s a fake fireplace on tv

The dog is snoring intermittently

And the bug is an octopus in all directions

But you’re wearing my dressing gown

And I’m glad to be where I am

-j

[honestyalways]

Fear is all too familiar

That sometimes I just wish it go

But I fear that I would forget

How to be friends with fear

Without losing myself

-j

[honestyalways]

The blurry light

From the television

The gentle weight

Of your hands tucked under head

Resting on my chest

The softness of your cheeks

Teasing my fingertips as I caress your hair

This is heaven

-j

[honestyalways]

I look at your lips

Or the curl of your ear lobe

The swell of your ass

Or the smooth skin of your thighs

And I lose my train of thought

And forget where

And when

I am

-j

[honestyalways]

I always balked at the idea of planning

But I would get upset

When there was never the time or the energy

To meet somewhere along the middle

And now I’m walking myself back from desperate

To plan to be near you

As close as you’ll let me

Because in the last what-feels-like-forever

I’ve learned that the things you find

Most important

Should always be planned for

-j

[honestyalways]

Maybe it’s my bias

Maybe it’s the way I would drop everything for you

Maybe it’s just what you deserve

To be treated with the highest honours

The highest respects

So when anyone treats you with less

I am shouldered with the contradictory weights

Of both anger

And sadness

[honestyalways]

That soft feeling

Of warmth in my stomach

As you turn your head

To accept a kiss on your check

-j

[honestyalways]

The easiest weight I’ll ever lift

Is not some piece of gym equipment

Or the dozen grocery bags that need bringing in

No, it is you, with your arms around my neck

And your legs around my waist

-j

[honestyalways]

I thought I knew limbo

But I’ve reached a new stage

Of being close but far

Intimate but distant

And I desperately want to close the distance

But you know the door is open

And I pray you choose to walk through

I’ll be here, irregardless

-j

[honestyalways]

There’s this song that I heard

About a man afraid of Love

Because Death is always lingering close by

And it breaks me every time

Because the only way you don’t die alone

Is when you live close enough to Love

That you become friends with Death

-j

[honestyalways]

Sometimes the simple pleasures

Like picking a flower off a tree

Or dipping your feet in the water

Are all you really need

And if you let them be

Are more than enough

-j

[honestyalways]

Sit

Watch the dog

Stand

Play with the kids

Walk

Love you however I can