when i was a wee child of 15 i got into mother and discovered this artist early into my time of being in the fandom. and oh my lord was she my EVERYTHING!!! i adored EVERYTHING about what she made, and it turned into me getting really into wayback machine and archiving all of her old art on the chance that, god forbid, internet archive were to shut down
eventually, i went through an anti phase (really, it was suppression and cultlike encouragement to not stray from your place as a "good boy") and i had to shut down all of my interest in her and pretended to hate her. id scream about how much she sucked and that people who liked her deserved hell!!! yet at the very same time, she continued to influence my art and writing even during that time, resulting in project cosib (claus, or so i believe). i never unbookmarked her archives
eventually i go through a sort of phase where i cannot stop thinking about her, and i still had to pretend i hated her. id wear her art, id reference it, id pull inspiration from her works, i even tried getting into her other interests such as professor layton. and yet nobody really knew how much i wanted to love her but couldn't. i made some videos poking fun at her works because of that constant thinking, knowing only those who consumed the content would get. she was my own niche
tailend of 2022 i wrote a script about her entire mother 3 canon and dissed on her the whole time. but i still admired her for some things. her art is phenomenal, even if it made me feel uncomfy at the time, and i couldnt overlook the interesting story she was brewing. i was going crazy over the timeline, considering which works were canon and which werent, and figuring out where each event and scene were ordered in. like, yes! the pigmask x commander bonus comic in amata no kioku 2 is canon! because its about the infiltration of lucas and boney into the clayman factory/thunder tower! YES, THE GANGR*PE IS CANON!!!!!
2023! i started dissociating! her result of the commander turned into a tulpa! EVERYTHING WAS ABOUT HER! at the time, it hurt me. but it helped fuel my realization of my own sexuality and interest in older men, and started to help me come to terms with even having been interested in her in the first place
i used to always beat myself up for liking junta, id try to see her as the devil, but really without her i wouldnt be the way i am today
NOW WELCOME TO TODAY! im officially out as profiction/proship and i have fully accepted naidauru uchida/uchida junta/m kichibeya/tatsumairi/shirataki as my special interest!!! she's one of my biggest inspirations ever in both art and writing and without her, i dont think id be interested in mother anymore!
i have a whole archive of her art on my cloud drive, featuring all of the available scanned works, all her art from her websites (and other sources), i own physical copies of 3 of her works and an anthology she participated in, and my goal is to eventually build a library dedicated to the preservation of juntan and her legacy. in general, my interest in junta has led me to advocate for preservation of art and anti-censorship in general, and it has led me to appreciate other artists in her circles similar to her such as ama_kao (RIP HER TWITTER), mikeya, and morphine (fun fact: theyre two people!)
to end this off in a fun note, heres a fun fact about junta's work!!!
the first ever copies of amata no kioku (first printed 09-26-2006) were accidentally printed with black and white covers and sold at a reduced price!! i wish to own one of these as i have the third run of prints ^w^
This is the dumbest shit I've ever done. My alters do not want me to do this. Whatever. I survived, I moved back to Georgia, I'm on antidepressants. I lived. I'm sorry for knowing you, and for what we did to each other. This is going on anon because I genuinely never want to speak to you again, but the way I talked to you last was disgusting. Please stay safe, the world is going to shit and I just hope you and your mother are alright/gen. (What I said about her last time was fucking disgusting sincerely, and not a good representation of my feelings toward you nor her.) Maybe in another life. Take care.
this may be stupid, i may regret this, but we take back our forgiveness
we recently just saw vibri's response. that was the last time you spoke to us. not only did you insult my mother from your original response, but this response you insult what i take comfort in—my solace, my cope, but most importantly what i consider my partner.
you were our brother. our second half. you saw it appropriate to exploit our trust, our dependency, we relied on you. all because you believed we couldnt recover. you made up your mind that you couldnt handle your own bretheren at its worst, so you will never have me at my best.
i dont even care about your anti views—it gives you no excuse to tell me, and i quote, to "ride that yokucock until [i] rot." to literally cringe at the fact we used cnc as a coping mechanism, when you, hypocritically, invested in drawing out similar things that i did. also to cope. we both are coping through our experiences
i killed dew because of you. i killed a man just for you. there is literal blood on my hands that we did in your name, and it wasnt enough. i wont forget those words after we killed him. you told us everything we did to help ourselves was wrong. that nyan was stupid. you telling me that my coping was disgusting and unhelpful. fucking look at me now
i will never have another child like him. he was everything wrong, i hate him, but i killed him. all while reinforcing the wrong reason. you didnt tell us he needed to be killed cause he was an asshole, you told us it was because of what we both now know to be the unfiltered self, my comfort, my everything, literally what i live for now that i am my own person.
and lets not forget the fact that you had to have vibri relay the fact we made gabriel uncomfortable WHEN YOU DIDNT DISCLOSE ANYTHING BEFORE. YOU FUCKING MORON. YOU EXPECT IT TO STOP, SPEAK UP, PUSSY. and we both knew damn well it wasnt even about him personally. we always refered to fictional fucking character.
you are fucking disgusting. i don't want to hear it about it being just vibri, because if you treated dew as an absolute of ME, i will treat it the absolute of YOU. you are a coward. or, at least then you were. i sincerely hope you're someone different now, a new set, a blank fucking slate, because if ANYONE had to put up with your bullshit, your invalidation, your self-suppression, your impulsiveness, your hypocrisy, EVERYTHING, i feel bad for them. fuck you
"in another lifetime" indeed. may we be reborn and actually know how to function as human beings, or in what i see us both as, bottom-feeding scum. and maybe then we could truly be resonant brothers
you're invited to my future funeral, bitch, so you can see how happy i will die without you
original response, just for archives sake:
i accept your apology
if you care enough to read this, thank you. sorry for my past actions as well. i respect your choice not to talk with me anymore, as our views are very much so different from one another, especially now that i consider myself profiction, if you read my later posts
we both acted extremely immaturely for the time. i was blinded by a fear of you hating me forever, and that in turn made me want to do everything i could to make that not happen, which obviously was foolish. i shouldve respected your boundaries, and i feel guilty about having not done so
at the time, before finding out my own self, i thought you would destroy my life, so i acted out of fear and forced myself to wish you the worst. obviously, that was also stupid. but i think im dragging this out too long
im glad youre doing well. genuinely
unfortunately, i still think of you from time to time. even just today, i made an offhanded reference to you on call with a friend when i realized just how juxtaposed you two were as people
for my own update, in response to your own, i still live where i live. im medicated again, i been to the hospital once more, and i rebuilt and tore down my friendship with py due to the afformentioned views and their poor handling of a very sensitive friendship. yes, she is still stalking me XD
overall, i hope you've found friends that could be what i couldn't have been. i hope your family is doing well, along with yourself for the coming future
i am okay with you not wanting to talk to me again, but on the offchance you ever change your mind, im not opposed to speaking to you again
not a hot take this time but a no brainer take: you have no idea how much relief it brings when you stop trying to push yourself into other people's lives just because you want to belong
I finished watching my friend do a playthrough of MMZ3 the other day, and since they were playing on the legacy collection they were able to have little kitty cats wandering around the resistance base. upon the scene where you can (finally) speak with Harpuia in the maintenance room, there was a cat in there. This implies that there was a cat in there the whole time, because the maintenance room was inaccessible up to that point. I’m sure you can do the rest of the mental gymnastics.
...Also Harpuia is by far my favorite character. And I wanted to draw he sleepy
1. Around 2/3 pm on a day where I haven't done anything :) the energy hits me hardd
2. umm this 1 is hard... casey lee williams maybe ??
3. looks around . i Dont Know :( i listen to three bands and thats it... i could say stupid things like my favorite ghost album is popestar , i suppose
4. tea!! peppermint tea or fruity teas are my favorite :)
5. my theater group has an old ass mascot that i think is cute :) it's a dinosaur in a cat costume !! i'm going to bring him back and put him on the newsletter
6. cranby this question is imposible... online games have the perk of Friends :) but offline games take the cake for me, i like a game i can play anywhere
umm umm @kade-is-here @spongie-pancakes @operazthev4mp1re & any1 else who wants to :)
gWeh okay here we go. thank you for the @ :)
1. Weirdly enough, usually right after I come home from school or work. If the Ails That Plague Me haven't completely depleted any energy I could have had, I tend to be pretty motivated.
2. Right now it's Itoki Hana, but ask me again in 10 hours and I'll tell you it's Hatsune Miku. (I'm also a big fan of Ado.)
3. Not so much a hot take as it is a wide statement. Can we collectively stop caring about celebrities' bodies or health habits. Please. It's not your fucking business. <3
4. Coffee toys with me in ways only god could replicate, so tea.
I'm also a singer, and tea is great at restoring my voice when The Horrors (congestion) invade my throat.
5. Not Really so I'll just say Morgana (Persona 5 mascot) That cat is so stupid I'd love to squash him
6. I met some of my closest friends through online games, so I gotta give it to them.
sticker design cuz im tired of my mom's fuck ass ai-generated cat sticker
when they arrive i will be selling direct mail orders for $3.50 each, will have 5 in stock. intended to be used on windows, is uv resistant, and its very VERY shiny :3 will make a very nice car sticker
tangentwithtanner
titsay
2087
