Dear
Jonginnie,
To be honest, my heart is impatient as I type this. I feel like a mother, worrying for her child, and I'm younger than you, imagine!
At first, I was of the opinion that you should enlist fast, with the thought that in doing so you will come back to me faster. To be honest, now, I just want to stay with you forever. It was a sudden overwhelming feeling of anxious thoughts I suppose. Jonginnie, my heart is not ready to let you go, but I am certain it will never be prepared enough.
Probably, two years later, I will read this and remember how much you cried on your Instagram live, and how I took a break from my job to cry with you in the washroom of my office. That was a lot of crying for someone who claims they don't cry; no I'm not talking about myself when I say this. Although, I'm glad, and I feel honored that you trust us enough to show us your vulnerable side. I cannot even imagine your frustration when you received the sudden news. I just felt sorry for you, for me, for EXO and us.
Believe it or not, I always knew that you're the member that I will worry about the most because of how sensitive you are.
I have so many thoughts I want to put down, but I don't even know where to begin.
Actually, after the aKaive live, I came back home and I thought a lot about what I know about the person Kim Jongin. I realized I have lived learning a lot from you. My sweet Jonginnie, sometimes I wonder; how do you still maintain your child-like innocence, when you've experienced so many harsh realities of the world?
Kim Jongin who lived diligently for 20 years, I cannot be more proud of the person you have become. You embody such a perfect balance of personality and stage presence that it's hard to not fall in love. I most especially admire your passion for your art. You are a perfect example of practice makes perfect. You're so hardworking and diligent, I remember you saying "practice until it's still fun, not until you get tired." While other idols looked to sneak out of the practice room, my Nini loved to sneak in at night to practice his dancing and singing. I'm still surprised at how you managed to not get in trouble for that. But that's what makes Jongin, Kai isn't it? I've had the pleasure of seeing you perform live, and it is undoubtedly one of the best performances I've had the pleasure of experiencing. On the same note, why are you such a perfectionist? It makes me go crazy when you get frustrated over tiny things when it comes to your performance. I can recall all the times you've cried in ments over a misstep or a mistake. It just makes the performance more unique my Nini. While thinking about this, its making me worry. Please promise me you won't stress about tiny things in the military Jongin ah.
Of all the things, my favourite characteristic about you is your benevolence, selflessness, genuine character, and empathy. It makes me want to wrap you in a baby blue blanket and protect you from the world. You have such a befitting name, Jongin, which means to "spread kindness."
My precious Jonginnie whose heart is always full of warmth, and who cares about everyone and everything around him. I could see the love you have in interaction with your family. Taking care of your mom and sisters, playing with Rahee and Raeon (Kaichun is the best), and let's not forget Monggu, Jjangah and Jjangu. You are not one to always show your love through words but your emotions speak through your actions. There is a thousand examples I can give, but one comes effortlessly to my mind. It is of the time when you would carry Junmyeon on your back up and down the stairs of the practice room when he had injured himself.
As a fan I can always feel your love when you tease and make fun of us, or when you take extra efforts to communicate with us, be it threatening the company for aKAIve, sharing pictures of your vacation on creating challenges (like the one where you ranked the bear fanarts some 8 years ago and presented awards) on EXO-L app, making vlogs or doing Instagram lives and most importantly your silly bubble messages.
What's beautiful is how this extends towards not just your loved ones but everyone in general. One instance I can think of is when the Big Issue magazine where you worked for free because 50% of the profit went to the homeless vendors. I absolutely love that you believe in the greater good and live by your father's principle of "being human above all."
Jonginnie who has the most love to give, I hope you will protect that generous heart of yours the most while we are apart.
How did you grow up so much? I remember your highschool graduation, now I'm sending you off to military. One day you're on knowing brother saying panty oppa, and the next moment you're a variety show king with a blue dragon award? I remember the days when you would burn toasts and spill coffee in electric sockets, but now you're having cooking competitions with Kyungsoo? That reminds me, I've not heard positive reviews about the food in military, so don't be a picky eater there. Have 3 meals a day, besides, it's just for the first few weeks, then you can have your favorite meals at home.
Today, as you take a turn around the corner, there is a new, different world that awaits you. Take utmost care of yourself Jongin ah. I want my Jongin back exactly as I am sending you.
I want to assure you, that even if everything changes; at the end of the two years, you will see me waiting for you.
My clumsy jongin ah, I hope you don't break things there, don't mess with electrical appliances, don't leave your phone unattended, don't forget your apple ID, actually, just get a Samsung please.
My shy Jonginnie, please make a lot of new friends in the army. On the weekends, don't forget to eat chicken. Take this opportunity to go out with friends more. Go dance in the studio, maybe pick up ballet again. Oh, and build lego, do things that will make you happy, okay?
You said I should make my dream come true, but my dream is vague and very far away. So instead, I promise to work hard towards it until you come back. It's crazy to think I will already be working somewhere for two years when you come back. Time will fly, hopefully.
Six hundred and forty days seem like a lot, and they are, speaking from past experiences. Can't you just teleport us all ahead in time?
No matter how much of a Rover you pretend to be, I hope you don't feel Blue. Come back soon to perform for me.
Until I see you again, take care and serve with pride, my Pride.
Love,
H
WELCOME BACK LOVE!!! ONE FINAL POST TO GO!!! šš
