Wife On The Water.
I’m not really a fan of Starbucks. I don’t hate it by anystretch, but anyone who knows me knows how much I love my Dutch Bros family. Sometimes I have meetings in Starbucks only because Dutch only has outdoor picnic tables for seating. Today is the only day out of the year an am forever grateful for The Bucks though.
Today I am posting this on a special day for any happily married couple. It is also the day that “proud” single people make excuses why today is only about antacid heart-shaped candies and spending money on stupid stuff. Today I am not with my wife. I am on a trip with my father in Montana when I want to be with her on this day. This is my first Valentines Day not spent with her since we started dating. I joked before I left that I am bummed because I have a feeling that this was my last shot at being her valentine. Our son is coming and I think when he shows up she might just have a new special man in her life. So, being states away I thought I would share the story of us, and who she really is to me. It is story of her strength in this first year of Multiple Sclerosis, which the experts say is extremely difficult. This story might be different than you think. So, please join me on a journey of why I am thankful for Starbucks because somehow I ended up marrying my parent’s barista.
I think it was a Saturday at my parent’s house that it all started. I came over to spend some time with them when my dad came strolling in. He had a Starbucks in hand and immediately spoke up. “Hey you should meet this girl at Starbucks. She is pretty and really nice. Her name is Angela.” At 22 years old, I thought I had this life and specifically that part of it figured out. I spoke up promptly and told him that that’s not how I meet girls. I mean I was training to become a Youth Pastor. I figure I would meet her at a young adults group or somewhere else that I thought was spiritual. I shrugged my dad off and moved on.
It was about a month later I was in that neighborhood Starbucks. I was helped by a pretty and nice barista. Then I saw her nametag and it read… Angela. I am fairly good with names so I remembered that was whom my dad had mentioned. I did think my dad made a good call, but I don’t pick up baristas at Starbucks. There was no way I would date a girl that my pops had picked out. I moved on. A month later things started to look on purpose though. I was in service at the church doing my weekly thing. During worship I was in the front off to the right when I happened to look over. In the section next to me was The Barista. She was looking fly in her street clothes, and quite hot. I never approached her though. I made an excuse not to say anything. I was so focused on ministry that I think I was looking for some excuse. My excuses were about to run out.
Not long after seeing The Barista in church I preached in main services. The next Sunday she approached me. Looking as attractive as the first time, she started a conversation. She thanked me for the message I brought the week before. She talked about how much it meant to her and that the spirit clearly spoke to her through it. I thought to myself, “Are sure that was the spirit hot stuff?” So, that’s when I became interested. She had a calling to work with teenagers like I did. She had grown up in the same church. We had just never crossed paths. I then invited her to join my youth team. Looking back maybe I used that as a way to get to know her.
I started flirty texting with The Barista not long after that. I found out she was leaving for Simpson University after the summer. I kept a relational distance in the beginning because I didn’t want to get into another long distance relationship. But, we went on a first date anyways. We went to play mini golf and She wore an interesting outfit. I found out later that her sisters dressed her because putting an outfit together is not one of her many gifts. They dressed her to mess with her. I guess it didn’t work ladies. I knew I really liked this chick because of a bold moment she had after youth group. We were hanging out with a ton of people at Denny’s. I was messing with her in front of the crew when one of my leaders spoke up. Carole said, “You better be careful, if you mess with the bull, you get the horns.” In a very confident tone I gabbed back. “She more of a calf,” I said. About ten minutes later an uncomfortable feeling starting going down my body. It was cold, wet, and sticky. It was a milkshake that The Barista had dumped on my head. The room went nuts. I acted mad and told her she was crazy if she thought we were hanging out after that. I mean, I had really good long hair. I loved that moment though. I thought she could handle me. She became Angie.
Angie left for Simpson at the end of summer and I was really bummed about it. We were going to try to make it work though. Not long into that first semester she started experiencing sleep problems. It was weird and quite severe. She wasn’t doing well. I like to think it was a side effect of being away from me. But, after that first semester she transferred to Jessup. She was back. She had built a relationship with my parents at this point. It was a real relationship though, beyond taking their latte orders. Angie and my mom came to me with an interesting proposition. They asked how I felt about Angie moving in with them as she was moving back to Sacramento. This made me a little uneasy but I agree to that semester. She lived with my parents for 2 years.
We got more serious from that moment when she moved home. My family went on a vacation to Costa Rica and Angie came along. There was a special moment on that trip. We were going through a relationship book together and got to a part where it talked about honestly sharing our pasts with each other. That moment was really hard for both of us. It was incredible though. We both realized the person we were sharing our deepest stuff with, trusting with our insecurities, and forgiving for not being entirely truthful, was one we wanted to be with.
I am a visionary so asking for Angie’s hand was quite the event. I’ll try to make it short. We were at dinner in Midtown with both my parents and her mother and step dad. At the end of the meal a desert was delivered with a note on it. I had pretended to go to the bathroom to get in place. There was a film crew and photographer that came out right when it was delivered. The note read, “Make your way to the lobby.” She got up and her father was waiting in the lobby, bolo tie and all. He then escorted her a block away to a rooftop loft where I was waiting. Musical friends of ours were up there playing our song. It was “Best Thing” by Relient K. There was a sign behind me that said that I had a question.
She said yes.
A year later we got married. It was an incredible Midtown wedding surrounded by family and friends. There was a special moment that happened because Angie lived with my parents for those two years. My dad never had a daughter. With tears in his eyes he told me that it was a special day because he got to not only see his oldest married. But, he also got to give away his daughter. My father loves Angie. We wrote our own vows. I decided to get outside my comfort zone and wrote a poem. It was appropriately title The Barista. Here is The Barista.
"I once heard good things come when you least expect it. But when my dad said i should meet this Barista at Starbucks, i just rolled my eyes and ignored it. Little did i know that this girl was different. she was alive, a passionate, and gifted. She was fun, beautiful, driven But most of all her love for God real and intimate. I was shocked at first that my dad had had picked her but now i know God was the master planner
Angie you make me feel alive, handsome, loved and i will seek to make you feel the same from this day and beyond. i will seek to lead us well with Christ as our center and through him our love will only grow stronger. i completely believe that our life will be blessed but even when hard times come we weill stand the test. and even though physical touch is not my love language i promise to cuddle and give back rubs, even more than you can manage.
I could talk for hours on how we make sense and how i will love you even more 40 years from the present i will end with this so we an go to the party because i can feel Grandma getting antsy as she's ready for dancing
i once heard we have hole in our lives that only God can fill. But for me that hole was filled,but there was something more still. And then this Barista can along that my dad had noticed and little did i know that with her that something missing feeling… was lifted."
I can’t believe that was almost three years ago. It has been an adventure. It has been so much fun. I finally get why some people in a corny way say they married their best friend. Last year started a new chapter in our young marriage. It has been the hardest and most humbling year of my life. When I got my diagnosis it was a moment that I felt very human. It has showed me the need for a powerful partner in crime. It has been a time filled with pain, tears, and worry. It was a year where a planner like myself has had to trust and step out into the unknown. Angie has been a rock the entire time. Her prayers have been unwavering. Her support has been absolutely overwhelming. The MS had progressed over the first six months and Angie was solid through all of it. It was because of how God used her that it also has been a year of hope.
As the transition from my role as Youth Pastor was happening at the end of 2014, I was a bipolar mix of emotions. It was moving into a time where I had to stop “doing”, and start simply “being.” MS needed me to rest, and I am not good at that. It was time to be still. I knew this was what God was leading us to do for this next season, but I was filled with fear stepping into it. It had been a struggle. But, there was one who lifted up my arms up the entire time. Every time I went to her struggling she was confident and peaceful. Angie was completely living in trust of God. She was a calm in the storm.
Many people have heard the event of Jesus walking on the water. His disciples were terrified and thought it was a ghost. Then in Matthew 14 it goes like this..
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” 29 “Come,” he said.
In all the craziness that this last year had been I soon had a special moment in this new one. I started to see this season differently. I saw myself on the boat looking at Jesus out on the water. I knew I was supposed to step out, but was afraid. It was stepping out of everything I found my self worth in. It was stepping out of all the successes and failures. It was stepping out of where I found my identity. As I looked out to Jesus one more time it looked different. As I was stepping out to trust Jesus in this new chapter there was someone out on the water already. There was someone standing confidently next to Him. Together they were gesturing to me waving their hands as if to say, “Join us Ryan.”
Angie was already out on the water.
During a really hard season she has had a supernatural strength. She has held her husband in her arms as he wept uncontrollably. She has spoken life to him when he couldn’t do it for himself. When he only remembers failures, she talks about all the great victories. And, every time he desperately wanted to know what was next for them, she saw the beauty in not knowing all steps. She saw the beauty of simply being obedient in this one.
It has been a humbling year to say the least. God has been so good too us. He has shown me why marriage was his plan for my life. Hope Happens when you have someone who believes the best for you when you struggle to see it. It happens when you find someone who not only puts up with your stuff, but also sees the you beyond it. Hope Happens when you have people who believe for healing when you are just not feeling it. It happens when you surround yourself with the type of people who call you out onto the water for a better story.
As a male I always wanted to be a hero. I wanted to rescue a damsel in distress. I wanted to be a man of God that was worth following and looking up too. This season has showed me that I don’t need to be that all the time. There is way too much pressure in being this big hero all the time. The truth is sometimes, in some seasons, everyone needs to be rescued. I can humbly say that in this year The Barista has been my hero. She has helped me keep the main thing the main thing. The main thing has name. His name is Jesus. She has helped me keep my eyes on the one she stands next to on the water. And, as she helped me keep my eyes fixed on Him, I didn’t sink.
I love you Angie.