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07 ✩ obligated to want

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[hopefullyyourangelprincess]

this blog sucks bro what is this

[ptimepoet]

[hopefullyyourangelprincess]

i want to fucking die. i'm not good enough. i will never be good enough. i can't be good enough, let alone perfect, no matter how hard i try. i will never be the one for him. i will never be as important to them. i will never be worthy of calling her my mother. all around i let people down and i can't do anything to change it.

mum probably hates me. i cause her so much pain all the time and i never do anything to make it better. i'm too lazy too stubborn too selfish. i can't change myself enough to be worthy of being her daughter and i never will be. if she doesn't hate me now she will eventually. i'm fucking disgusting.

all i can believe is that they lie to my face. out of pity maybe, like a shelter volunteer giving the homeless dog a good day before it's put down, because i am unlovable. i am not important. i am one among millions. i will never catch their eye enough to keep them my friend. if they ever told me the truth id fucking die. i hope i do.

he does not love me. maybe he's fond of me. maybe my disgusting, imperfect body is just soft enough for him to stomach me. maybe he imagines her face when he's with me, and his stomach lurches when the illusion smudges. i'm not his world and i never will be. i never will be. saying it hurts all the same even though ive known it to be the truth since even before i set eyes on him. i'm nobody's world. i never will be. i never will be. i most definitely am not his, and yet the only thing i can bring myself to do is throw it all up and run right back to him. i can only lie to myself when im with him. pretend the i love yous are real. pretend that i am the woman he wants. it's her and it was never me. i'm just there. i'm just available. i'm just some gullible girl he can string along. i still think he's the most magnificent person in the world. i still think, hope that i can tear myself apart and put myself back together to be perfect for him. i want to be amazing to his eyes. i want to be his world but im not. so his world won't end when im gone. i want to be gone, out of his sight. maybe without the guilt of trying to keep me alive and happy he'll be able to work through it all. maybe he'll get what he wants.

[hopefullyyourangelprincess]

it’s bad again but everything i’m thinking smothers the small part of me that wants to beg somebody to save me

[hopefullyyourangelprincess]

i love you

[hopefullyyourangelprincess]

hey i wanna fall asleep in your arms and not worry about tomorrow i had quite a lazy day today but not once did i stop thinking about you and my dinner came out kinda ass lol do you think you'd kiss me on the neck while i made two steaks instead of one?

i'll probably play tomorrow after my exam even though im so bad at horror games and i feel the ghost of nightmares taunting at my dreams of you

maybe we could meet up on saturday because i think the ache in my chest wont go away until i can feel you breathing against me

are you really still gaming away darling do you miss the way i cuddled into you and laughed at your jokes all while you died again because this kind of dedication is lowkey insane kinda like the way my breathing quickens at the thought of you

im a little bit tired ill probably go to sleep my hands crave to keep texting and tell you everything about me so you can know me like nobody else so this will have to be a goodnight i cant keep all these feelings between my ribs they need to burst out and flood you so every breath you take is with me in it

sleep tight, ill text you in the morning baby i promise myself to you please take the offer of me living and breathing in anticipation to talk to you

[hopefullyyourangelprincess]

two taps - m.m.

i'm a sink with two taps one hot, one cold see me everywhere i'm getting old

the constant hint of tradition something long past alas i wonder if it's worth it something that won't last

i think i truly was what they needed once hot once cold they filled me to the brim with water i did what i was told

i'm not a sink with one tap all the way from hot to cold my make is being replaced am i even worth being sold?

twist my taps all the way around the torrents raining down plunge your hand into all i'm doing the pain makes you frown

the heat scalds and burns try to feel my everything my all is fervent so leave it streaming

dive into my nothing ice running down your fingers dream about my everything feel the ache as it lingers

i'm everything, i'm nothing

but to you

could i be something?