Trying Times @hopelesslynicole - Tumblr Blog

A formerly self proclaimed cynic —unbound by religion— with an over romanticized outlook on her own eventual end, I have seen a light. I have seen death and decay and the rotting of the ego in it’s wake. I have, with angry hands and heart, clenched my own self-importance, and hurled it into the hole I had dug myself long ago. I have since been in morning. A bright light newness that cannot be shaken. It appears every day in the serendipitous ways that the universe acknowledges my arms outstretched for a life to be lived. I am overwhelmed. Overflowing with a gratitude I have never quite understood. The kind you question in others. The kind that feels like lying. I am overwhelmed. But I am ready for this ascent. I have faith. I will continue the upward climb knowing now, more than ever, that it’s mine. (at Nantucket, Massachusetts) https://www.instagram.com/p/BslklpqljJk/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=jd80zs4ycz3q

transmental

evening light in portland.

“The things you struggle with today are things you choose to struggle with. Because you believe that what you want to accomplish, is worth struggling for.” #iwrotethisforyouandonlyyou (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoF0_8RHTzh/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=husmlskyipgb

#iwrotethisforyouandonlyyou

The first time I wanted to die, I was only as old as a high five and a peace sign. People often ask me what my tattoo is. For those of you who don’t know musical notation, it’s a fermata. Generally used in music for sustaining any number of notes or rests, the length of the sustain is at the conductor or performer’s discretion. When I first got it, I got it as a reminder to myself to “hold on”—as a reminder of everything I held tight through—that it is my decision how long I will hold on to this life. But as I’ve gotten older, it has come to mean much more. See, even though I no longer find myself wishing I were dead, there are often moments I wish I could escape. Whether it be to a simpler time before or what I hope is a better time after, I want to escape this current moment. But I am here. And sometimes it may feel sustained. It may feel like I am running in place, or that everyone is telling me it will get better or that I will need to make it better. And sometimes I can. But sometimes I can’t. Sometimes all I can do is live in these sustained moments. Live in the highs and lows and silence. Let them be what they are for however long they need to be. I am recognizing that I cannot hold onto anything that does not wish to be held on to. That life is a game of time and place. No note is ever quite the same. But each one has its purpose. And if you can only just hold on, just enough, just to yourself in these moments, they will end. And new ones will begin. I know this much, and for now that is enough. #suicidepreventionday (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnkP61vnt7S/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1rwrmabvm7rz3

#suicidepreventionday

perrfectly

bonkai-diaries

Bruh

fullhalalalchemist

many people have been saying since the beginning he is going to come after citizens. First he came for undocumented, then for green card holders, and now for actual citizens. This doesn’t end with just that.

crazy-pages

Hey, absolutely spread this. Even if you don’t normally reblog stuff like this. This is important.

chelsea-beleren-vess

I am a Hispanic American, born in Texas, (South Texas to be exact) and I am concerned.

orchidvioletindigo

I know this is older news but it’s still deeply disturbing, especially from a Tejane perspective. Many Latine families like mine have been here since Texas was annexed by the United States, meaning our families never immigrated into the U.S. at all. And now the current administration is trying to kick us out, off of land that they stole from our mother country that we were born on. It’s a crystal clear modern day illustration of an attempt to build an ethnically pure homeland with stolen resources.

#FUCK OFF TRUMP YOU TRASH HUMAN PUPPET

Before you sat down to write yourself off as a mere blip of existence, did you ever stop to consider that in this dense night sky, you were a star? Of course you cannot know these things from where you are. You have no mirror of truth of which to turn to. You do not understand that it is your emanating light that allows you to see such beauty in that which takes up space around you. (at Griffith Observatory) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnCGW9MnzWM/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=u82jcdo6hfvy

rightnowwritehere

echo location

I seldom find solace in my hearts deepest yearnings for I know myself too well to trust that she knows what she needs. Riddled only with that which she wants She fails to see what lies around her– All of the broken dreams she crushed for Shiny new promises of freedom and joy All of which she has ripped the tops off of Poured out the contents And stared at, puzzled at the pieces before her. She never knew how to fit them into one big picture. And thus she began her journey of “almost”s and “could have been”s and “maybe one day”s. At the end of which she finds she has only partial view of. Perhaps some middle pieces, but none of the all important framing border.

She stared, until she thought she did not want this anymore. Until she realized that wanting and needing do not always coincide. That they will often interject one another abruptly, rudely, without consideration of her plans and feelings.

They will fight.

And she will find that what she once yearned for, she was not ready for. Until this moment. And that is when the universe placed her wants in front of her. Close enough to touch. She held them in her hands, these battered little dreams, looked up and asked the universe, “is it all that it seems?”

The voice you thought you’d lost in this screaming match of life, I found it in the silence—tucked in corners of your mind.

The voice you thought you’d lost in this yelling match of life, I found it in the silence, tucked in corners of your mind. (at Los Angeles, California)

open yourself up to the world and the world will open itself up to you.

- lessons I’m learning