TAGS: college!player!mingyu x college!player!f!reader; fluff, implied smut, oblivious reader and mingyu lol, fwb to lovers
WARNINGS: feminine/female identifying reader, implied + implicit smut/mentions of sex, miscommunication and arguing, mentions of alcohol, cursing
NOTES: back with yet another story about two oblivious people who fall in love hehe. i workshopped this a few times, then had to give writing a rest so i could finish my master's thesis, and i think i've got it decent now. i hope you like it! i missed posting here xx
DISCLAIMER: all events, characterizations, and locations are purely incidental and/or a work of fiction. i am no way implying real characterizations/behaviors of real people.
You still aren’t sure why you agreed to this arrangement in the first place, but you had to lay in the grave you’d dug, huh?
You’d caught Mingyu’s attention at a random club your friend Soonyoung dragged you to, his tall frame sliding through the crowd to end up beside you at the bar.
“What are you drinking?” He gestured to your almost empty glass with a small jut of his chin, and his smirk widened from a thin line to show his teeth in a flirtatious smile. Typically, you’d shrug him off. You already knew his MO. Much like other men in this dark room booming with music, he had a formula: talk someone up with all his tricks, dance with them until they're smitten, and then take them home for a night and never call them again. But you hadn’t received attention this bold in a while, and with such a pretty smile, he seemed interesting enough to entertain. You answered his question nonchalantly, and he asked the bartender for a refill for you and a beer for himself.
“So, what’s a pretty girl like you drinking alone?” He leaned forward so you can hear him. Innocently, sure, but it is undoubtedly an attempt to fluster you. You don’t bite.
“Oh, I’m not alone. I’m with that dance machine over there.” You gestured over your shoulder where Soonyoung has taken over the dance floor, starting a mosh pit of sorts with some mutual friends. You watched Mingyu’s gaze flicker over to him before settling back on you. His eyes have shifted from sultry to puzzled.
“Oh, you know Soonyoung?” He asked, and it seems his fuckboy facade has dropped for a moment. “We’ve been friends since high school! What a coincidence.”
You smiled and gave a nod, and it seemed Mingyu’s temporary release of his persona had finally been realized as you watched him attempt to recover. He slid smoothly into another seductive grin and leaned forward once more. “We haven’t met? I think I’d remember if my friend knew someone as gorgeous as you.”
You laughed. He blinked.
“I’ve heard all about you and your games, Mingyu. You’re cute, but it’s not going to be that easy if you want me to end up in your bed.” Your smile is almost patronizing, but you try your best to sound at least a little sincere. You’re not lying, anyone with eyes can see he’s very attractive, and you wouldn’t necessarily reject his advances. But it was also true that Soonyoung had spoken to you about his friend. Although you knew he was by no means a bad person, Mingyu was a grade A fuckboy, and he left a trail of shattered hearts behind him. You weren’t opposed to fucking him, but you were also determined to not make him think you were going to be as easy as he assumed.
This time you see his eyes go through a million emotions at once. But then his smirk only deepens, and you can see a fire ignite.
“I’m always up for a challenge, sweetheart.”
_____________
It took about a month, and just when you thought he didn’t have any more persistence left in him, one final push and a couple of shots landed you tangled in his sheets one late Saturday night. Four months later, you had a date with his bed scribbled into your schedule at least twice a week. Now, he’s grinning at you from just a breath away as he watches you settle from your long night, and he looks even more delicious as the moonlight illuminates his exposed torso that wasn’t covered from the thin sheet. If you hadn’t just spent the last two hours both on top and underneath him, you probably would have jumped his bones again. “What time is it?” You groaned, trying to get comfortable. Mingyu’s head turned toward the clock on the nightstand before turning back towards you, shifting closer.
“It’s 4:45. Stay here, I’ll get you some water.” He pressed a quick featherlight kiss to your exposed shoulder before hauling himself up and heading to the kitchen. You watched him leave, now comfortable watching his naked form pass to and from his bedroom. You had a routine now: mind-blowing sex, simple aftercare of cleanup and water (maybe a snack if you really needed it), and small talk as you got ready to slip out of his apartment in the early morning hours. It was nice: you were both satisfied, it was simple, and you genuinely found a strange sense of companionship in each other.
Mingyu returned with a glass of water and a muffin on a plate. He settled both on the nightstand on “your” side of the bed and turned to grab a damp cloth before you stopped him.
“I really should go soon, I have to meet Soonyoung and Wonwoo for breakfast later.” You watched him hesitate, “You know I appreciate the aftercare, I just don’t want to trouble you if I’m heading out.”
He simply shakes his head, “(Y/N), it’s already almost 5 am. Just stay here and rest a few hours and I’ll drive you home in time for you to get ready.” He said it in a way that almost didn’t leave room for discussion, and with a final gentle smile, he returned to his task.
All you could do was chuckle and slide yourself upright to indulge in your snack and water. He was right, wasn’t he? A small nap here wouldn’t hurt, and would surely help you tomorrow. He was just looking out for you.
_____________
“Do you ever wish you’d followed what you said you’d be as a kid?” Mingyu’s voice is soft, but cuts through the silence as you lay together one night. Your head rested on his firm chest, his tan limbs wrapped around you as he held you, claiming he read that physical touch for aftercare is more effective than just talking. Whether or not that's true, you obliged him, and now you were tangled together as his mind wandered.
“Like what?” You pulled back to look at him. “I wanted to be a fairy, I’m not sure how plausible that is.” You grinned as a full and bright laugh emerged from his chest. His laugh sounded pretty after so much silence.
His mouth settled into a surprisingly soft smile. “You would have been a very nice fairy.” He mused, his gaze settling for almost a moment too long on you before resting his head back onto the pillows.
_____________
Yet another night out, and this one felt strangely reminiscent of the first night you’d met Mingyu. He wore a similar outfit, a half buttoned dress shirt, opened dangerously low, and perfectly fitting jeans. His hair was tousled, messier than usual, and you may have had something to do with it in the car on the way here. The crowd was its usual kind of busy for a Friday night in a college town, and you found yourself leaning against the bar. Soonyoung was to your right and Jeonghan to your left, both chattering on over you about some video game you hadn’t had the chance to play yet. Despite the invigorating conversation, all you could focus on was the tall man with the bright smile across the room.
He was completely in his element here. He was all broad shoulders and shiny teeth on the dance floor, eyelids hung low from the alcohol that coursed through his bloodstream. He moved to the beat of the music and the bassline pumped through his very heart as he swayed in time with the rhythm. Everyone around him couldn’t help but be enamored by him. He was like the sun, everyone else simply planets orbiting his intoxicating gravitational pull. His mouth widened into an open grin, and you could practically hear his laughter from where you stood. Before you could find it in you to tear your eyes away from him, his dark eyes lifted to meet yours. All at once, it was as if the DJ had pressed the mute button on the entire club. Your breath caught in your throat, and of course, that cliche moment where the rest of the world melted away to only reveal Mingyu at the center of it all had your heart beating loudly in your ears. This feeling was anything but surface level attraction. It shocked you down to the core, shivering down your spine like a blast of cold air.
He winked, just once. A flash of a mischievous grin along with said wink, and his gaze was gone, the sounds of the loud club crashing around you once more. The world came back into focus, but your brain never recovered from Mingyu’s gravitational pull.
“Hello? Earth to Y/N?” Soonyoung’s voice cut through the noise, and tore your gaze from the man who was more intoxicating than any drink you could have had tonight.
“Yeah, sorry, I thought I saw an old friend in the crowd.” The excuse fell easily from your lips, and Soonyoung seemed to buy it.
“Right…anyway,-” Soonyoung rattled on, handing you a drink. You took it, taking a large gulp as if to drown the unfamiliar feeling that crept up when you had locked eyes with Mingyu. It was nothing, just a fleeting moment.
_____________
Mingyu opened the door to his apartment with an apron tied around him, dark fabric covering most of his torso over his usual uniform of a fitted t-shirt and sweatpants. You quirked a brow at him as you entered, kicking off your work shoes and leaving your bag by the door. It was almost midnight and invited you over, what could he possibly be cooking at this hour?
You followed Mingyu’s chipper voice and heavy footsteps into the kitchen, revealing the space now looked more like his own personal ramen bar. Handmade noodles sat in bundles on a cutting board, broth bubbled on the stovetop, and prepped toppings littered probably almost every plate Mingyu owned across the countertop.
Your eyes met his, sheepish and sparkling as he shrugged. “I may have gone a little overboard, but I was trying a new recipe.”
“I’m pretty sure you made enough ramen for at least 6 people.” You joked, stepping closer to admire his work. Everything looked, and smelled, delicious. Your stomach responded eagerly as well, growling audibly. Mingyu grinned and grabbed an empty bowl.
“Well it’s a good thing you’re here, then, huh?” He remarked. You watched as he shifted into a state of focus, eyebrows furrowing in concentration as he built the perfect bowl of ramen. Before long, two steaming bowls towering with noodles and toppings sat on the coffee table of his living room, a shitty reality tv series you’d mentioned a while back sitting in wait on the screen. Mingyu watched you from his spot beside you on the couch, eyes trained on your mouth the moment you lifted some of the noodles to your lips. The moment a moan of approval left your mouth, you could see his smile shift into a grin that screamed pride and something a little more seductive.
“Good to know I can make you sound like that in and out of the bedroom.” He purred, voice smoothing out like warm honey. You almost choked on a noodle in response, setting down your chopsticks to swat his shoulder. “Hey! I’m not wrong!”
He was insufferable sometimes. But not wrong.
_____________
Your “just sex” arrangement has somehow morphed into a blurred line between “friends with benefits” and “situationship”. You’ve found yourself out to lunch with Mingyu more often without heading to either of your beds after, and you can count on more than one hand the amount of date-like movie nights you’d had in the last 2 months. Mingyu called you a friend as you’d run into one of his friends, Jeonghan, last week after lunch, so maybe that was it? Sure, you two had gotten very comfortable around one another, and it wasn’t like Mingyu was bad company. Maybe friends with benefits wasn’t a bad evolution. Soonyoung, despite his initial warnings of getting involved, seemed to enjoy the fact he could hang out with both of you together, but he did bring it up one night after Mingyu left your apartment post-movie marathon.
“You know what’s crazy? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you actually hang out with someone you’re just sleeping with.” Soonyoung didn’t even turn his head to face you on the couch, simply stared ahead in thought.
You chuckled, “Is that a bad thing? He’s a nice guy.” You shoveled another handful of popcorn in your mouth.
“No, it’s not, it’s just,” Soonyoung was truly baffled, like staring at a math equation and trying to solve it, “It’s just not like you. To not keep it separate, I guess.”
You just shrugged, not willing to think about what it could mean. Another handful of popcorn entered your mouth as you scrolled through the selection of movies on the screen.
Whatever answer seemed to hit him like a freight train a moment later. He whipped his head around so quickly, you thought he might have pulled something in the process. His eyes were as wide as saucers.
“Oh my god. You like him, don’t you?”
You choked on your popcorn.
_____________
Soonyoung’s revelation was a week ago. You’d seen Mingyu three times since then, all for quick meetups for sex, and an even quicker exit from you despite Mingyu’s weak attempts to get you to stay for a while. For him, it was easy, a simple way to spend time with a friend as if he hadn’t spent the previous hour pinning you to his mattress. But for you, it was now torture. It was the crashing reality that this was no longer casual for you. You could tell Mingyu knew something was up, but he never fought you when you left; slipping out into the night without so much of a glance at the pout on his face as he watched you leave.
Tonight, you’d guessed he’d had enough of the quick exits.
“Where are you always in a hurry to, lately?” Mingyu’s voice floats to you softly as you hurriedly throw your shirt over your head.
“Nowhere, I-,” you struggled to finish dressing as you racked your brain for an excuse, “I just figured you might want your space. I should get home anyway.” It wasn’t a great one, but not necessarily a false one.
You hear Mingyu’s footsteps on the hardwood as he attempted to close the distance between him and your form that was trying to stuff your feet into your shoes without falling over. “You know you could always stay, I don’t mind.”
You finally turn, one shoe on and one now forgotten. “We’re just having sex, right? Wouldn’t staying complicate things?” You watch his eyes widen, then squint as his brows furrowed in confusion.
“I mean, yes, but-”
“Okay, so maybe we’ve been blurring lines a little bit. I’m just reforming them. I know you don’t want a relationship or anything complicated and I’m just making sure we’re back on the same page.” You were assuming, speaking for him to protect yourself. Was it fair? Absolutely not. But what choice did you have?
Mingyu just stared, blinking. A few emotions flashed behind his eyes, but you didn’t have the time or the mental strength to look long enough to decipher them. You turned back to your stubborn shoe, finally slipping it onto your foot. With a straightening of the spine, you were upright and headed to his front door, slinging your bag over your shoulder. It was then that Mingyu finally moved, hearing his footsteps bounding to catch up with you.
“Y/N, wait-” You turned, and his voice died in his throat.
“What, Mingyu?” The words sounded harsher than you wanted, pointed and laced with annoyance.
He didn’t answer. You turned the lock, pulled on the knob, and left.
_____________
Mingyu hasn’t texted for a week now. You’d tried to make contact a few days ago, to confirm a previously arranged meet at your apartment, but he had left you on read. Yesterday, he turned off his notifications that told you he had even seen your message, and now you were left truly in the dark. Soonyoung hadn’t heard from him either, you’d checked. He’d asked what happened, and if you were honest, you weren’t completely sure.
Isn’t this what Mingyu wanted? No strings? You weren’t his girlfriend, and these newfound feelings only blurred what was meant to be a simple arrangement. So then why was he so upset when you built your boundaries back to the uncrossable borders they were meant to be?
You found yourself passing through the coming days like a shade in the Fields of Asphodel, mind elsewhere as you went through the motions of your routine. School, work, sleep, repeat. It felt robotic, your body taking over as tension and stress built up in your very bones. Not only was your physical stress reliever gone, but it was the very person that now compounded the emotional stress that began to weigh down your thoughts. Was he okay? How badly had you fucked this up?
Now, you were sitting in the library, at a back corner table staring blankly at your laptop when the feeling of hands on your shoulders made you jump a mile in your chair. Immediately, frustration and annoyance flashed through your eyes as you turned your head to see who it was: Soonyoung, of course. He raised his hands in mock surrender, eyes wide in surprise at your expression.
“Damn, you’re jumpy. What’s wrong with you?” He took the seat across from you, furrowed brows as he pulled out his computer. You'd forgotten you’d agreed to study with him in an effort to actually focus on something else other than Mingyu’s looping voice in the back of your head.
You sighed, dragging a hand down your face. “Nothing, just… school shit.” A believable lie, sure. “Have you heard anything?”
You’d asked Soonyoung this every few days since Mingyu stopped responding, now almost two weeks ago. He knew exactly who you were asking about by now. You watched his eyes soften, and his eyebrows now lifting in concern.
“Yeah, I did. He had a presentation in class the other day, and did pretty well on it, and went out with Jeonghan the other night.” You could feel Soonyoung’s eyes watching you carefully as he spoke, and for some reason, even this update brought a brief sense of relief. But that relief quickly sank, like a rock thrown in a lake, as longing replaced it. See? He’s fine without you.
“I think… you need to talk to him.” Soonyoung said after a moment. He looked like a concerned mother, brows slanted and his eyes big and round, like they’re begging you to agree with his suggestion. “He seems…off, since you guys stopped talking. Jeonghan said it too.”
“There’s nothing to say, Soonie.” Your voice was exasperated and weak. You couldn’t even convince yourself you had nothing to say to him. “He doesn’t want to see me, he’s made that very clear. I just have to suck it up and move on.”
You knew the solution, right? The same one you always ran to when you needed to escape your issues.
“You know what they say,” You began, your voice a hollow imitation of amusement, “‘You gotta get under someone else to get over them.” You followed with a chuckle that sounded tinny and fake.
Soonyoung’s frown now morphed into an expression of fear as his eyes widened and now focused just over your shoulder. You turned, puzzled, and your worst nightmare had come true.
Mingyu was about 3 feet away, one hand holding the strap of his backpack and the other holding Soongyoung’s headphones, ones he’d probably left at their class together earlier. He must have come to return them. Now, he was here, and most definitely heard what you had just said.
Fuck.
His face was expressionless, almost dangerously so. His eyes were alarmingly empty, almost staring through you. Without so much of a word, he turned on his heel and made his way toward the exit of the library, Soonyoung’s headphones still in hand.
You didn’t know what possessed you to do so, but you were out of your chair and following his tall form before you even realized it. “Mingyu, wait-”
He didn’t stop, if anything, he began to walk faster.
“Mingyu, please.” You sounded desperate now, catching the closing door he had just exited out of, finally grasping the sleeve of his jacket halfway down the front steps of the building. He finally stopped. He didn’t turn, just paused. You circled his body, now planted in front of him without an inkling of what to say. He stared down at you, and you saw it now. He was angry, his eyes narrowed and his jaw set with tension.
“What, (Y/N)?” He spit out. This felt like deja vu, a reverse of the last time you’d seen him, and it stung even more to be on the receiving end.
“I..” You hesitated, and it was all Mingyu needed before he moved again, trying to get around you. Your body at least knew how to respond, as you stepped over to block him.
“Mingyu, please, you have to know I didn’t mean that.”
Mingyu’s eyes were cold, lifeless. The only tell that you could see was the tick of his jaw that showed you just how upset he was. “What else could it have meant, (Y/N)?”
You flinched at his tone, firm and harsh.
“You made things very clear two weeks ago, and you can fuck whoever you want now. I’m not gonna hold you back.” He was monotonous, each word sounding just as stone-like as the last.
“Mingyu, I didn’t think you’d stop talking to me afterward!” You found your own voice raising, “You can’t just avoid me forever!”
He glanced around. Luckily it was late, and the campus was emptying. We were alone, for now at least. “(Y/N), it’s done. It's over, and you’re free. Go find someone else to toy with.”
Toy with?
“What the fuck, Mingyu?” You were actually angry now. How dare he accuse you of playing with him?
“Let’s not twist who played with who. You were the one who had sex with me and then wanted to play house afterward!” You shoved a finger into his chest. “You were the one that played with my feelings knowing what we were!”
It was hard to tell if that was true, but it was the only way you could justify to yourself how you ended up falling for him, despite all your emotional safeguards.
Mingyu finally showed emotion, over his whole face now. His eyes were wide, and his mouth fell open just slightly. Shock. Then, it shifted, quickly. His brows were furrowed, his eyes just the tiniest bit glassy, his lips pressed together into a frown. Hurt.
“House?” He sounded in disbelief. “That’s all that was? Sex and playing ‘house’? I told you things I’ve never told anyone.” His voice started to shake, almost imperceptibly. Since when could you read him so well?
“Mingyu, I didn’t ask you to do that.”
Wrong response. He flinched, visibly.
His shoulders straightened, and as if it never happened, Mingyu wiped his face of any emotion you saw before. He started to walk again, this time making his way around you and quickly reaching the bottom of the steps. You followed.
“Mingyu, wait!” You called after him, and it was getting increasingly harder to keep up. His long strides put increasing distance between you, and he made it to his car before you could catch him again. He crawled into it quickly, and by the time you reached the curb, he had pulled off and was gone.
Tears began to fall down your face. For what, you weren’t sure. Frustration? Grief? Anger? Maybe all of the above. All you knew was that all of this felt very wrong, and watching Mingyu drive away only made the sinking feeling in your stomach even worse. As if the universe wanted to mock you even further, it was then that Soonyoung managed to come out from the library, his arms full of both yours and his belongings.
“(Y/N)! Wait up!” He yelled from across the courtyard, trying to juggle all of the stuff and take quick steps to meet you at the curb. You couldn’t move, couldn’t find it in yourself to meet him halfway. All you could do was stare down the street where Mingyu had driven off.
_____________
Mingyu, can we talk this out?
Please?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said.
Mingyu, please.
Talk to me. I’ll do anything to fix this.
Mingyu.
Gyu, I’m sorry.
You’d been texting him for hours, well into the wee hours of the morning. Some variations of the same messages: ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘Can we talk?’. He didn’t respond to any of them, and after some forty odd messages and several voicemails, you finally stopped trying. Your phone now sat on the coffee table of your living room beside the half empty bottle of wine you’d opened about an hour ago.
After Mingyu left and Soonyoung caught up to you, you collapsed in his arms. You couldn’t stop crying, and every emotion felt like physical weights tied to you. Soonyoung helped you home, and even after insisting on staying, you told Soonyoung to go home himself. You just wanted to be alone to wallow and tipsily try to convince Mingyu to hear you out. You moved to pour another glass of wine when a couple knocks on the door stopped you.
You opened the door to find Mingyu. He was still in the same clothes, his backpack slung on his shoulder. His eyes are red, and he’s frowning.
All you could do was stare.
“Can I come in?” His voice was so quiet, you almost couldn’t hear him. It took you a moment to unfreeze, and stepped aside, and Mingyu moved silently into the apartment. With a click of the lock behind him, it was now just you, him, and the quiet of the tension between you.
“Thanks…for coming.” you murmured. Mingyu’s backpack slid off his shoulder and onto the floor, settling beside the coffee table. You could see him take in the room: the bottle of wine, your phone beside it, the mess of blankets you had previously cocooned yourself with and the paused episode of The Office. He spun around, and he took a breath.
“Couldn’t go home.” He mumbled back, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jacket. You glanced at the clock, then your eyes widened as you found your gaze back on him. You both had left the library hours ago. Had he just been driving around?
You found strength to move, taking heavy steps around the coffee table and to the couch. “Do you want to sit?”
You shifted the blankets to make room, and set them on your lap for security. Mingyu nodded, and sat on the other end of the couch, putting as much distance between the both of you as he could. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t sting.
You played with the edges of the blankets, and took a breath before beginning. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like you didn’t matter at all. It’s just…” How could you explain it all?
“Things got so blurry for me. The sex was one thing, but the cuddling, the meals, the movie nights? It was all so different. I fucked up and I got attached and that scared me.” Admitting this felt like torture, and your eyes did everything but look at him. “You were clear that this was just sex, and I felt guilty for not wanting that anymore. But I was also selfish and I didn’t want to stop seeing you. So I thought the best solution was to push you away and redraw the lines.”
It all sounded so stupid when you said it out loud. But what was the alternative? Tell Mingyu you liked him and have him reject you? Ruin the friendship you’d built off a mutually beneficial kind of physical intimacy?
“I’m sorry. I should have been honest with you.” You said finally, your head ducked in a weird sense of shame. The silence that followed was stifling, and it felt like years until you heard Mingyu’s voice.
“I’m sorry for accusing you of toying with me. And for insinuating you’d jump so quickly to someone else. That wasn’t right of me.” Mingyu’s voice was even, but thick with emotion, and probably exhaustion. “It wasn’t…casual for me either. Not anymore.”
His confession hit you like a truck as you almost gave yourself whiplash picking your head up to look at him. His words hung in the air, and you didn’t think you’d actually heard him right.
“What?” You said dumbly.
Of course that was all you could say. But Mingyu held strong, his eyes piercing yours with bravery and intention. “It was just sex, at first. But it’s not anymore. Somewhere in there I stopped caring whether or not I kept my boundaries. I just felt, and I started to feel a lot, for you. I still do.”
“When you left that night, I realized how gone I was. The thought that you didn’t want this too hurt me. A lot more than I cared to admit.” He was disarmingly honest, and you’d never seen Mingyu look so small as he spoke. “I lashed out, especially at the library, and I’m sorry.”
You shifted closer, almost subconsciously, and hesitantly reached for his hand. His fingers laced through yours, and you gave his palm a gentle squeeze. “I forgive you, and I hope you can forgive me too.”
He nodded, and his beautiful brown eyes looked just a little brighter now.
“Can we start over?” He asked, low and hopeful. You nodded back.
His lips curved into a gentle smile, and with a flash of his perfect teeth, he looked like himself again.
“Hi, I’m Mingyu, and I think I like you a lot.”
Your breath hitched, and with a matching grin of your own, you began to close the distance. “I think I like you a lot too.” you mumbled before crashing yours into his.
wanted to reblog bc my first little story to hit 500 notes :,) !!! feeling immensely grateful for all of your love on the things i create. my heart sings w/ every notif i get <3
TAGS: college!player!mingyu x college!player!f!reader; fluff, implied smut, oblivious reader and mingyu lol, fwb to lovers
WARNINGS: feminine/female identifying reader, implied + implicit smut/mentions of sex, miscommunication and arguing, mentions of alcohol, cursing
NOTES: back with yet another story about two oblivious people who fall in love hehe. i workshopped this a few times, then had to give writing a rest so i could finish my master's thesis, and i think i've got it decent now. i hope you like it! i missed posting here xx
DISCLAIMER: all events, characterizations, and locations are purely incidental and/or a work of fiction. i am no way implying real characterizations/behaviors of real people.
You still aren’t sure why you agreed to this arrangement in the first place, but you had to lay in the grave you’d dug, huh?
You’d caught Mingyu’s attention at a random club your friend Soonyoung dragged you to, his tall frame sliding through the crowd to end up beside you at the bar.
“What are you drinking?” He gestured to your almost empty glass with a small jut of his chin, and his smirk widened from a thin line to show his teeth in a flirtatious smile. Typically, you’d shrug him off. You already knew his MO. Much like other men in this dark room booming with music, he had a formula: talk someone up with all his tricks, dance with them until they're smitten, and then take them home for a night and never call them again. But you hadn’t received attention this bold in a while, and with such a pretty smile, he seemed interesting enough to entertain. You answered his question nonchalantly, and he asked the bartender for a refill for you and a beer for himself.
“So, what’s a pretty girl like you drinking alone?” He leaned forward so you can hear him. Innocently, sure, but it is undoubtedly an attempt to fluster you. You don’t bite.
“Oh, I’m not alone. I’m with that dance machine over there.” You gestured over your shoulder where Soonyoung has taken over the dance floor, starting a mosh pit of sorts with some mutual friends. You watched Mingyu’s gaze flicker over to him before settling back on you. His eyes have shifted from sultry to puzzled.
“Oh, you know Soonyoung?” He asked, and it seems his fuckboy facade has dropped for a moment. “We’ve been friends since high school! What a coincidence.”
You smiled and gave a nod, and it seemed Mingyu’s temporary release of his persona had finally been realized as you watched him attempt to recover. He slid smoothly into another seductive grin and leaned forward once more. “We haven’t met? I think I’d remember if my friend knew someone as gorgeous as you.”
You laughed. He blinked.
“I’ve heard all about you and your games, Mingyu. You’re cute, but it’s not going to be that easy if you want me to end up in your bed.” Your smile is almost patronizing, but you try your best to sound at least a little sincere. You’re not lying, anyone with eyes can see he’s very attractive, and you wouldn’t necessarily reject his advances. But it was also true that Soonyoung had spoken to you about his friend. Although you knew he was by no means a bad person, Mingyu was a grade A fuckboy, and he left a trail of shattered hearts behind him. You weren’t opposed to fucking him, but you were also determined to not make him think you were going to be as easy as he assumed.
This time you see his eyes go through a million emotions at once. But then his smirk only deepens, and you can see a fire ignite.
“I’m always up for a challenge, sweetheart.”
_____________
It took about a month, and just when you thought he didn’t have any more persistence left in him, one final push and a couple of shots landed you tangled in his sheets one late Saturday night. Four months later, you had a date with his bed scribbled into your schedule at least twice a week. Now, he’s grinning at you from just a breath away as he watches you settle from your long night, and he looks even more delicious as the moonlight illuminates his exposed torso that wasn’t covered from the thin sheet. If you hadn’t just spent the last two hours both on top and underneath him, you probably would have jumped his bones again. “What time is it?” You groaned, trying to get comfortable. Mingyu’s head turned toward the clock on the nightstand before turning back towards you, shifting closer.
“It’s 4:45. Stay here, I’ll get you some water.” He pressed a quick featherlight kiss to your exposed shoulder before hauling himself up and heading to the kitchen. You watched him leave, now comfortable watching his naked form pass to and from his bedroom. You had a routine now: mind-blowing sex, simple aftercare of cleanup and water (maybe a snack if you really needed it), and small talk as you got ready to slip out of his apartment in the early morning hours. It was nice: you were both satisfied, it was simple, and you genuinely found a strange sense of companionship in each other.
Mingyu returned with a glass of water and a muffin on a plate. He settled both on the nightstand on “your” side of the bed and turned to grab a damp cloth before you stopped him.
“I really should go soon, I have to meet Soonyoung and Wonwoo for breakfast later.” You watched him hesitate, “You know I appreciate the aftercare, I just don’t want to trouble you if I’m heading out.”
He simply shakes his head, “(Y/N), it’s already almost 5 am. Just stay here and rest a few hours and I’ll drive you home in time for you to get ready.” He said it in a way that almost didn’t leave room for discussion, and with a final gentle smile, he returned to his task.
All you could do was chuckle and slide yourself upright to indulge in your snack and water. He was right, wasn’t he? A small nap here wouldn’t hurt, and would surely help you tomorrow. He was just looking out for you.
_____________
“Do you ever wish you’d followed what you said you’d be as a kid?” Mingyu’s voice is soft, but cuts through the silence as you lay together one night. Your head rested on his firm chest, his tan limbs wrapped around you as he held you, claiming he read that physical touch for aftercare is more effective than just talking. Whether or not that's true, you obliged him, and now you were tangled together as his mind wandered.
“Like what?” You pulled back to look at him. “I wanted to be a fairy, I’m not sure how plausible that is.” You grinned as a full and bright laugh emerged from his chest. His laugh sounded pretty after so much silence.
His mouth settled into a surprisingly soft smile. “You would have been a very nice fairy.” He mused, his gaze settling for almost a moment too long on you before resting his head back onto the pillows.
_____________
Yet another night out, and this one felt strangely reminiscent of the first night you’d met Mingyu. He wore a similar outfit, a half buttoned dress shirt, opened dangerously low, and perfectly fitting jeans. His hair was tousled, messier than usual, and you may have had something to do with it in the car on the way here. The crowd was its usual kind of busy for a Friday night in a college town, and you found yourself leaning against the bar. Soonyoung was to your right and Jeonghan to your left, both chattering on over you about some video game you hadn’t had the chance to play yet. Despite the invigorating conversation, all you could focus on was the tall man with the bright smile across the room.
He was completely in his element here. He was all broad shoulders and shiny teeth on the dance floor, eyelids hung low from the alcohol that coursed through his bloodstream. He moved to the beat of the music and the bassline pumped through his very heart as he swayed in time with the rhythm. Everyone around him couldn’t help but be enamored by him. He was like the sun, everyone else simply planets orbiting his intoxicating gravitational pull. His mouth widened into an open grin, and you could practically hear his laughter from where you stood. Before you could find it in you to tear your eyes away from him, his dark eyes lifted to meet yours. All at once, it was as if the DJ had pressed the mute button on the entire club. Your breath caught in your throat, and of course, that cliche moment where the rest of the world melted away to only reveal Mingyu at the center of it all had your heart beating loudly in your ears. This feeling was anything but surface level attraction. It shocked you down to the core, shivering down your spine like a blast of cold air.
He winked, just once. A flash of a mischievous grin along with said wink, and his gaze was gone, the sounds of the loud club crashing around you once more. The world came back into focus, but your brain never recovered from Mingyu’s gravitational pull.
“Hello? Earth to Y/N?” Soonyoung’s voice cut through the noise, and tore your gaze from the man who was more intoxicating than any drink you could have had tonight.
“Yeah, sorry, I thought I saw an old friend in the crowd.” The excuse fell easily from your lips, and Soonyoung seemed to buy it.
“Right…anyway,-” Soonyoung rattled on, handing you a drink. You took it, taking a large gulp as if to drown the unfamiliar feeling that crept up when you had locked eyes with Mingyu. It was nothing, just a fleeting moment.
_____________
Mingyu opened the door to his apartment with an apron tied around him, dark fabric covering most of his torso over his usual uniform of a fitted t-shirt and sweatpants. You quirked a brow at him as you entered, kicking off your work shoes and leaving your bag by the door. It was almost midnight and invited you over, what could he possibly be cooking at this hour?
You followed Mingyu’s chipper voice and heavy footsteps into the kitchen, revealing the space now looked more like his own personal ramen bar. Handmade noodles sat in bundles on a cutting board, broth bubbled on the stovetop, and prepped toppings littered probably almost every plate Mingyu owned across the countertop.
Your eyes met his, sheepish and sparkling as he shrugged. “I may have gone a little overboard, but I was trying a new recipe.”
“I’m pretty sure you made enough ramen for at least 6 people.” You joked, stepping closer to admire his work. Everything looked, and smelled, delicious. Your stomach responded eagerly as well, growling audibly. Mingyu grinned and grabbed an empty bowl.
“Well it’s a good thing you’re here, then, huh?” He remarked. You watched as he shifted into a state of focus, eyebrows furrowing in concentration as he built the perfect bowl of ramen. Before long, two steaming bowls towering with noodles and toppings sat on the coffee table of his living room, a shitty reality tv series you’d mentioned a while back sitting in wait on the screen. Mingyu watched you from his spot beside you on the couch, eyes trained on your mouth the moment you lifted some of the noodles to your lips. The moment a moan of approval left your mouth, you could see his smile shift into a grin that screamed pride and something a little more seductive.
“Good to know I can make you sound like that in and out of the bedroom.” He purred, voice smoothing out like warm honey. You almost choked on a noodle in response, setting down your chopsticks to swat his shoulder. “Hey! I’m not wrong!”
He was insufferable sometimes. But not wrong.
_____________
Your “just sex” arrangement has somehow morphed into a blurred line between “friends with benefits” and “situationship”. You’ve found yourself out to lunch with Mingyu more often without heading to either of your beds after, and you can count on more than one hand the amount of date-like movie nights you’d had in the last 2 months. Mingyu called you a friend as you’d run into one of his friends, Jeonghan, last week after lunch, so maybe that was it? Sure, you two had gotten very comfortable around one another, and it wasn’t like Mingyu was bad company. Maybe friends with benefits wasn’t a bad evolution. Soonyoung, despite his initial warnings of getting involved, seemed to enjoy the fact he could hang out with both of you together, but he did bring it up one night after Mingyu left your apartment post-movie marathon.
“You know what’s crazy? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you actually hang out with someone you’re just sleeping with.” Soonyoung didn’t even turn his head to face you on the couch, simply stared ahead in thought.
You chuckled, “Is that a bad thing? He’s a nice guy.” You shoveled another handful of popcorn in your mouth.
“No, it’s not, it’s just,” Soonyoung was truly baffled, like staring at a math equation and trying to solve it, “It’s just not like you. To not keep it separate, I guess.”
You just shrugged, not willing to think about what it could mean. Another handful of popcorn entered your mouth as you scrolled through the selection of movies on the screen.
Whatever answer seemed to hit him like a freight train a moment later. He whipped his head around so quickly, you thought he might have pulled something in the process. His eyes were as wide as saucers.
“Oh my god. You like him, don’t you?”
You choked on your popcorn.
_____________
Soonyoung’s revelation was a week ago. You’d seen Mingyu three times since then, all for quick meetups for sex, and an even quicker exit from you despite Mingyu’s weak attempts to get you to stay for a while. For him, it was easy, a simple way to spend time with a friend as if he hadn’t spent the previous hour pinning you to his mattress. But for you, it was now torture. It was the crashing reality that this was no longer casual for you. You could tell Mingyu knew something was up, but he never fought you when you left; slipping out into the night without so much of a glance at the pout on his face as he watched you leave.
Tonight, you’d guessed he’d had enough of the quick exits.
“Where are you always in a hurry to, lately?” Mingyu’s voice floats to you softly as you hurriedly throw your shirt over your head.
“Nowhere, I-,” you struggled to finish dressing as you racked your brain for an excuse, “I just figured you might want your space. I should get home anyway.” It wasn’t a great one, but not necessarily a false one.
You hear Mingyu’s footsteps on the hardwood as he attempted to close the distance between him and your form that was trying to stuff your feet into your shoes without falling over. “You know you could always stay, I don’t mind.”
You finally turn, one shoe on and one now forgotten. “We’re just having sex, right? Wouldn’t staying complicate things?” You watch his eyes widen, then squint as his brows furrowed in confusion.
“I mean, yes, but-”
“Okay, so maybe we’ve been blurring lines a little bit. I’m just reforming them. I know you don’t want a relationship or anything complicated and I’m just making sure we’re back on the same page.” You were assuming, speaking for him to protect yourself. Was it fair? Absolutely not. But what choice did you have?
Mingyu just stared, blinking. A few emotions flashed behind his eyes, but you didn’t have the time or the mental strength to look long enough to decipher them. You turned back to your stubborn shoe, finally slipping it onto your foot. With a straightening of the spine, you were upright and headed to his front door, slinging your bag over your shoulder. It was then that Mingyu finally moved, hearing his footsteps bounding to catch up with you.
“Y/N, wait-” You turned, and his voice died in his throat.
“What, Mingyu?” The words sounded harsher than you wanted, pointed and laced with annoyance.
He didn’t answer. You turned the lock, pulled on the knob, and left.
_____________
Mingyu hasn’t texted for a week now. You’d tried to make contact a few days ago, to confirm a previously arranged meet at your apartment, but he had left you on read. Yesterday, he turned off his notifications that told you he had even seen your message, and now you were left truly in the dark. Soonyoung hadn’t heard from him either, you’d checked. He’d asked what happened, and if you were honest, you weren’t completely sure.
Isn’t this what Mingyu wanted? No strings? You weren’t his girlfriend, and these newfound feelings only blurred what was meant to be a simple arrangement. So then why was he so upset when you built your boundaries back to the uncrossable borders they were meant to be?
You found yourself passing through the coming days like a shade in the Fields of Asphodel, mind elsewhere as you went through the motions of your routine. School, work, sleep, repeat. It felt robotic, your body taking over as tension and stress built up in your very bones. Not only was your physical stress reliever gone, but it was the very person that now compounded the emotional stress that began to weigh down your thoughts. Was he okay? How badly had you fucked this up?
Now, you were sitting in the library, at a back corner table staring blankly at your laptop when the feeling of hands on your shoulders made you jump a mile in your chair. Immediately, frustration and annoyance flashed through your eyes as you turned your head to see who it was: Soonyoung, of course. He raised his hands in mock surrender, eyes wide in surprise at your expression.
“Damn, you’re jumpy. What’s wrong with you?” He took the seat across from you, furrowed brows as he pulled out his computer. You'd forgotten you’d agreed to study with him in an effort to actually focus on something else other than Mingyu’s looping voice in the back of your head.
You sighed, dragging a hand down your face. “Nothing, just… school shit.” A believable lie, sure. “Have you heard anything?”
You’d asked Soonyoung this every few days since Mingyu stopped responding, now almost two weeks ago. He knew exactly who you were asking about by now. You watched his eyes soften, and his eyebrows now lifting in concern.
“Yeah, I did. He had a presentation in class the other day, and did pretty well on it, and went out with Jeonghan the other night.” You could feel Soonyoung’s eyes watching you carefully as he spoke, and for some reason, even this update brought a brief sense of relief. But that relief quickly sank, like a rock thrown in a lake, as longing replaced it. See? He’s fine without you.
“I think… you need to talk to him.” Soonyoung said after a moment. He looked like a concerned mother, brows slanted and his eyes big and round, like they’re begging you to agree with his suggestion. “He seems…off, since you guys stopped talking. Jeonghan said it too.”
“There’s nothing to say, Soonie.” Your voice was exasperated and weak. You couldn’t even convince yourself you had nothing to say to him. “He doesn’t want to see me, he’s made that very clear. I just have to suck it up and move on.”
You knew the solution, right? The same one you always ran to when you needed to escape your issues.
“You know what they say,” You began, your voice a hollow imitation of amusement, “‘You gotta get under someone else to get over them.” You followed with a chuckle that sounded tinny and fake.
Soonyoung’s frown now morphed into an expression of fear as his eyes widened and now focused just over your shoulder. You turned, puzzled, and your worst nightmare had come true.
Mingyu was about 3 feet away, one hand holding the strap of his backpack and the other holding Soongyoung’s headphones, ones he’d probably left at their class together earlier. He must have come to return them. Now, he was here, and most definitely heard what you had just said.
Fuck.
His face was expressionless, almost dangerously so. His eyes were alarmingly empty, almost staring through you. Without so much of a word, he turned on his heel and made his way toward the exit of the library, Soonyoung’s headphones still in hand.
You didn’t know what possessed you to do so, but you were out of your chair and following his tall form before you even realized it. “Mingyu, wait-”
He didn’t stop, if anything, he began to walk faster.
“Mingyu, please.” You sounded desperate now, catching the closing door he had just exited out of, finally grasping the sleeve of his jacket halfway down the front steps of the building. He finally stopped. He didn’t turn, just paused. You circled his body, now planted in front of him without an inkling of what to say. He stared down at you, and you saw it now. He was angry, his eyes narrowed and his jaw set with tension.
“What, (Y/N)?” He spit out. This felt like deja vu, a reverse of the last time you’d seen him, and it stung even more to be on the receiving end.
“I..” You hesitated, and it was all Mingyu needed before he moved again, trying to get around you. Your body at least knew how to respond, as you stepped over to block him.
“Mingyu, please, you have to know I didn’t mean that.”
Mingyu’s eyes were cold, lifeless. The only tell that you could see was the tick of his jaw that showed you just how upset he was. “What else could it have meant, (Y/N)?”
You flinched at his tone, firm and harsh.
“You made things very clear two weeks ago, and you can fuck whoever you want now. I’m not gonna hold you back.” He was monotonous, each word sounding just as stone-like as the last.
“Mingyu, I didn’t think you’d stop talking to me afterward!” You found your own voice raising, “You can’t just avoid me forever!”
He glanced around. Luckily it was late, and the campus was emptying. We were alone, for now at least. “(Y/N), it’s done. It's over, and you’re free. Go find someone else to toy with.”
Toy with?
“What the fuck, Mingyu?” You were actually angry now. How dare he accuse you of playing with him?
“Let’s not twist who played with who. You were the one who had sex with me and then wanted to play house afterward!” You shoved a finger into his chest. “You were the one that played with my feelings knowing what we were!”
It was hard to tell if that was true, but it was the only way you could justify to yourself how you ended up falling for him, despite all your emotional safeguards.
Mingyu finally showed emotion, over his whole face now. His eyes were wide, and his mouth fell open just slightly. Shock. Then, it shifted, quickly. His brows were furrowed, his eyes just the tiniest bit glassy, his lips pressed together into a frown. Hurt.
“House?” He sounded in disbelief. “That’s all that was? Sex and playing ‘house’? I told you things I’ve never told anyone.” His voice started to shake, almost imperceptibly. Since when could you read him so well?
“Mingyu, I didn’t ask you to do that.”
Wrong response. He flinched, visibly.
His shoulders straightened, and as if it never happened, Mingyu wiped his face of any emotion you saw before. He started to walk again, this time making his way around you and quickly reaching the bottom of the steps. You followed.
“Mingyu, wait!” You called after him, and it was getting increasingly harder to keep up. His long strides put increasing distance between you, and he made it to his car before you could catch him again. He crawled into it quickly, and by the time you reached the curb, he had pulled off and was gone.
Tears began to fall down your face. For what, you weren’t sure. Frustration? Grief? Anger? Maybe all of the above. All you knew was that all of this felt very wrong, and watching Mingyu drive away only made the sinking feeling in your stomach even worse. As if the universe wanted to mock you even further, it was then that Soonyoung managed to come out from the library, his arms full of both yours and his belongings.
“(Y/N)! Wait up!” He yelled from across the courtyard, trying to juggle all of the stuff and take quick steps to meet you at the curb. You couldn’t move, couldn’t find it in yourself to meet him halfway. All you could do was stare down the street where Mingyu had driven off.
_____________
Mingyu, can we talk this out?
Please?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said.
Mingyu, please.
Talk to me. I’ll do anything to fix this.
Mingyu.
Gyu, I’m sorry.
You’d been texting him for hours, well into the wee hours of the morning. Some variations of the same messages: ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘Can we talk?’. He didn’t respond to any of them, and after some forty odd messages and several voicemails, you finally stopped trying. Your phone now sat on the coffee table of your living room beside the half empty bottle of wine you’d opened about an hour ago.
After Mingyu left and Soonyoung caught up to you, you collapsed in his arms. You couldn’t stop crying, and every emotion felt like physical weights tied to you. Soonyoung helped you home, and even after insisting on staying, you told Soonyoung to go home himself. You just wanted to be alone to wallow and tipsily try to convince Mingyu to hear you out. You moved to pour another glass of wine when a couple knocks on the door stopped you.
You opened the door to find Mingyu. He was still in the same clothes, his backpack slung on his shoulder. His eyes are red, and he’s frowning.
All you could do was stare.
“Can I come in?” His voice was so quiet, you almost couldn’t hear him. It took you a moment to unfreeze, and stepped aside, and Mingyu moved silently into the apartment. With a click of the lock behind him, it was now just you, him, and the quiet of the tension between you.
“Thanks…for coming.” you murmured. Mingyu’s backpack slid off his shoulder and onto the floor, settling beside the coffee table. You could see him take in the room: the bottle of wine, your phone beside it, the mess of blankets you had previously cocooned yourself with and the paused episode of The Office. He spun around, and he took a breath.
“Couldn’t go home.” He mumbled back, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jacket. You glanced at the clock, then your eyes widened as you found your gaze back on him. You both had left the library hours ago. Had he just been driving around?
You found strength to move, taking heavy steps around the coffee table and to the couch. “Do you want to sit?”
You shifted the blankets to make room, and set them on your lap for security. Mingyu nodded, and sat on the other end of the couch, putting as much distance between the both of you as he could. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t sting.
You played with the edges of the blankets, and took a breath before beginning. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like you didn’t matter at all. It’s just…” How could you explain it all?
“Things got so blurry for me. The sex was one thing, but the cuddling, the meals, the movie nights? It was all so different. I fucked up and I got attached and that scared me.” Admitting this felt like torture, and your eyes did everything but look at him. “You were clear that this was just sex, and I felt guilty for not wanting that anymore. But I was also selfish and I didn’t want to stop seeing you. So I thought the best solution was to push you away and redraw the lines.”
It all sounded so stupid when you said it out loud. But what was the alternative? Tell Mingyu you liked him and have him reject you? Ruin the friendship you’d built off a mutually beneficial kind of physical intimacy?
“I’m sorry. I should have been honest with you.” You said finally, your head ducked in a weird sense of shame. The silence that followed was stifling, and it felt like years until you heard Mingyu’s voice.
“I’m sorry for accusing you of toying with me. And for insinuating you’d jump so quickly to someone else. That wasn’t right of me.” Mingyu’s voice was even, but thick with emotion, and probably exhaustion. “It wasn’t…casual for me either. Not anymore.”
His confession hit you like a truck as you almost gave yourself whiplash picking your head up to look at him. His words hung in the air, and you didn’t think you’d actually heard him right.
“What?” You said dumbly.
Of course that was all you could say. But Mingyu held strong, his eyes piercing yours with bravery and intention. “It was just sex, at first. But it’s not anymore. Somewhere in there I stopped caring whether or not I kept my boundaries. I just felt, and I started to feel a lot, for you. I still do.”
“When you left that night, I realized how gone I was. The thought that you didn’t want this too hurt me. A lot more than I cared to admit.” He was disarmingly honest, and you’d never seen Mingyu look so small as he spoke. “I lashed out, especially at the library, and I’m sorry.”
You shifted closer, almost subconsciously, and hesitantly reached for his hand. His fingers laced through yours, and you gave his palm a gentle squeeze. “I forgive you, and I hope you can forgive me too.”
He nodded, and his beautiful brown eyes looked just a little brighter now.
“Can we start over?” He asked, low and hopeful. You nodded back.
His lips curved into a gentle smile, and with a flash of his perfect teeth, he looked like himself again.
“Hi, I’m Mingyu, and I think I like you a lot.”
Your breath hitched, and with a matching grin of your own, you began to close the distance. “I think I like you a lot too.” you mumbled before crashing yours into his.
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