HOROPOSTS

► THE STARS SMILE UPON YOU ◄

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The signs as ghosts:

Aries: scares the fuck out of a family

Taurus: possesses objects and shit

Gemini: acts like a guardian angel but in reality wants to possess someone

Cancer: weeping loudly 24/7

Leo: constantly contacting people through Ouija boards

Virgo: tries to act like they’re still alive

Libra: walks through walls to amuse themselves

Scorpio: tricks child into releasing a demon

Sagittarius: constantly knocking over shit because they think they can walk through everything

Capricorn: haunts their enemies

Aquarius: hides in attics and makes loud af noises

Pisces: jump scares everyone

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The signs when crying

Needs to be alone: Aries, Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius

Needs to talk and rant: Gemini, Libra, Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Aquarius

Needs physical affection: Cancer, Libra, Pisces, Aquarius

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THE ALWAYS WANNA SLEEP SQUAD

Aries, Gemini, Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Pisces

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SIGNS WHEN THIRD-WHEELING

stares at phone:

Gemini, Sagittarius, Virgo, Capricorn

stares at food:

Taurus, Leo, Aquarius, Pisces

flirting with the waiter:

Scorpio, Aries, Libra, Cancer

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ZODIAC SIGNS THAT FOLLOW

their head:

Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, Leo, Aries, Sagittarius

their heart:

Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer, Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo

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SELFISH VS GENEROUS

selfish on the surface, selfish deep down:

Gemini, Capricorn, Aries

selfish on the surface, generous deep down:

Leo, Sagittarius, Scorpio

generous on the surface, generous deep down:

Pisces, Taurus, Libra

generous on the surface, selfish deep down:

Virgo, Cancer, Aquarius

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MOST LIKELY TO FIGHT YOU FOR TAKING THEIR FOOD

Gemini. Scorpio. Cancer. Leo. Taurus.

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MORNING BEAUTIES VS MORNING BEASTS:

stretches to the sound of birds chirping, broad smiles on their faces:

Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Aquarius

will probably kill you when awoken. violently. with an alarm clock. eyes still closed.:

Aries, Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces, Libra, Sagittarius

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THE SIGNS AND DRAMA:

the signs who start the drama:

Libra, Virgo, Leo, GEMINI, Scorpio

the signs who sit back and watch with popcorn:

Pisces, Aries, Cancer, Taurus, Sagittarius

the signs who don’t care and stay in their lane:

Aquarius, Capricorn

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THE SIGNS AS CRIMINALS:

assassins:

Aries, Scorpio

drug lords:

Sagittarius, Taurus

con artists:

Leo, Gemini, Libra

passional criminals:

Cancer, Pisces

hackers:

Aquarius, Virgo, Capricorn

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THE SIGNS IN WONDERLAND:

the mad hatter:

Scorpio, Cancer, Leo

the queen of hearts:

Sagittarius, Aries, Taurus

the white rabbit:

Virgo, Libra, Pisces

cheshire cat:

Gemini, Capricorn

alice:

Aquarius

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STAR SIGNS— KID AT HEART, TEENAGE MESS OR OLD SOUL:

kid at heart:

Aries, Gemini, Cancer, Libra

teenage mess:

Taurus, Virgo, Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius

old soul:

Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces

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WHY THE SIGNS GET INTO TROUBLE AT SCHOOL:

ARIES. drumming on the desk/table.

TAURUS. class clown.

GEMINI. gossiping.

CANCER. doodling instead of taking notes.

LEO. excessive talking.

VIRGO. laughing at others failure.

LIBRA. copying answers.

SCORPIO. talking back to the teacher.

SAGITTARIUS. disrupting class.

CAPRICORN. daydreaming.

AQUARIUS. shouting out.

PISCES. not paying attention.

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SIGNS AT A SLEEPOVER:

Aries— Pranking An Unsuspecting Victim

Taurus— Building A Pillow Fort

Gemini— Trying To Stay Up All Night

Cancer— Eating Or Baking

Leo— Telling Funny Stories

Virgo— Gossiping

Libra— Swapping Health/Beauty Tips

Scorpio— Trying To Scare The Crap Out Of

Their Friends

Sagittarius— Playing Board Games

Capricorn— Bugging You For Your WiFi

Password

Aquarius— Pulling Out The Ouiji Board

Pisces— Sleeping

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SIGNS WHEN WATCHING HORROR MOVIES:

closes their eyes and hugs a pillow the whole time:

Pisces, Cancer, Capricorn

gets low key scared:

Aries, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Taurus

screams at everything:

Aquarius, Gemini, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Cancer

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PLAY TO WIN VS PLAY FOR FUN

play to win:

Scorpio, Sagittarius, Gemini, Virgo, Aries, Leo

play for fun:

Capricorn, Aquarius, Cancer, Taurus, Libra, Pisces

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HOW THE SIGNS WORK OUT...

they don’t:

Cancer, Pisces, Taurus, Libra

at least they try:

Capricorn, Virgo, Leo, Aquarius

work out like straight white boys in pe class:

Aries, Scorpio, Gemini, Sagittarius