Astrology :)

Mediocre astrology blog.

[horoskippy]

Signs as things Ron Swanson has said

Aries: I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win and when I don’t, I get furious.

Taurus: There’s only on thin I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.

Gemini: I know what I’m about, son.

Cancer: Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

Leo: I regret nothing. The end.

Virgo: I am not usually one for speeches, so goodbye.

Libra: When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.

Scorpio: I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm.

Sagittarius: Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

Capricorn: There is only one bad word: taxes.

Aquarius: If any of you need anything at all, too bad.

Pisces: I can’t go because I don’t want to.

[horoskippy]

Someone said they don't relate your Scorpio posts but im a Scorpio and I relate to all of them :) quick tip, maybe they should check their moon sign and other stuff like that

Yes!! Thank you for explaining :D

[horoskippy]

Aug 19 1996 spill the tea pls

You say you don’t like gossip but you really do, you are really stubborn sometimes, and you like goats.

[horoskippy]

I just discovered your blog and I love it!

Thank you!!!

[horoskippy]

Accidentally scrolled until the first post! Great content and very funny! Thank you for creating the blogxx💫

You’re welcome hun

[horoskippy]

Can you please do a leo (f) and pisces (m)?

[horoskippy]

Can u make Virgo (f) nd Aquarius (m) gifs plzz?

[horoskippy]

Can you please do a gif set of Pisces (f) and Virgo (m)?

[horoskippy]

How the signs are awkward

Aries: accidentally makes eye contact with you one too many times

Taurus: doing the awkward sidestep thing when you’re trying to pass someone

Gemini: replying to their waitor with “you too” when they say “enjoy your meal”

Cancer: shit talking someone when they’re right there

Leo: will hit on your friend but you guys are actually dating

Virgo: holding the door open for someone who’s way too far away

Libra: accidentally liking their crush’s photo from 4 years ago

Scorpio: telling a joke but no one laughs

Sagittarius: high fiving someone who’s giving you a fist bump

Capricorn: tripping over your own foot in public

Aquarius: laughing at something that wasn’t meant to be funny

Pisces: waving at someone who’s not actually waving at them

[horoskippy]

do you get asks often? sorry but im curious

You’re just one out of a few hundred sitting in my inbox hahah

[horoskippy]

July 23 2003 ,expose me pls

You tend to not learn from your mistakes, you will do anything for your friends, and you once bought a whole cake for just yourself (and you ate it all)

[horoskippy]

Sept 20th 2001 spill the tea

Sometimes you don’t realize the mistakes you make until it’s too late, you can be very naive, and you love koalas

[horoskippy]

March 22 2000 expose me please

You try to hide your softness by acting aggressive, you don’t really know what you’re doing, and you have an interesting mixed taste in music

[horoskippy]

oct 21 1996, expose me?

You make really fucked up jokes, you don’t know how to show your emotions, and you have a strange affinity for robots

[horoskippy]

Born june 2 1999 please expose me

You are a root beer fanatic, you love the smell of freshly-cut grass, you are aggressively kind

[horoskippy]

Signs as best friends

Aries: the one who will set you up on dates, tells everyone how amazing you are, wants you to workout with them and get hot together, dislikes anyone you dislike

Taurus: the sweet one who’s the first to give you a hug when you're down, will cuddle with you at all possible times, the one to dance without a care with at a party

Gemini: the lowkey badass bitch who will cuss out anyone who harms you, is really talented but is really modest about it, will tell you when your outfit looks bad, cares a lot about you but doesn’t always show it

Cancer: the one who is calm with everyone but their friend group, especially around you, annoys you but you love them anyway, tells you their life problems because they trust you

Leo: the friend who will show up at your door at midnight to give you food, always tells you that you look hot, will send you bad memes and video call you at 2 am

Virgo: the baby of the friend group, the one who makes innocent funny jokes, wants you to come with them to everything, admires you but you admire them more

Libra: the one who helps you settle your issues, wants to know the gossip just so they can have their say on it, will probably do makeup on you and make you leave looking 10x hotter

Scorpio: the one who will tell you all their sexual encounters, tells really weird dark jokes, when they hug you seems like they lowkey want to choke you

Sagittarius: the one who will do the strangest things with you, takes you on spontaneous trips, gives great life advice, is super sarcastic with you

Capricorn: the one who makes memes with you, will help you study for exams, is probably hella awkward but less around you, will probably just cuddle and watch movies with you

Aquarius: the one who will sing loudly even they're bad around you, can always get you to laugh when you’re tying to be serious, is always super excited for you and your achievements

Pisces: the artistic friend who can paint a sunset on your back but instead paints a meme, takes a lot of photos of you just livin', will see the beauty in you that you don’t

[horoskippy]

So I made this blog three years ago apparently because I wanted to categorize the signs as fruits, and now here we are.