Technically I selfship. Being 12 and reading those y/n stories just exited a part of me, I’m chasing that high of sneaking downstairs on my dad’s computer and trying to make absolutely no noise while I felt like part of a story someone was writing that took me, my desires, and fantasies, in mind. I’d like my writing and drawing to like connect with other people, the same way I felt like I shared desires with the quotev writers back in the 2000’s.
The sweet spot I’m tryina hit is like this: original character I write who is the audience surrogate i.e. referred to in the writing as “you”. I’m trying to write as bare bones as possible, physical descriptions avoided at all cost. That being said, it ends up being I write from a feminine, cis, bi, white, adult, perspective, these things I find myself not being able to write outside of without making careful and calculated stories that intentionally touch on a perspective outside my own. I would love for readers unlike me to still find common ground through our shared desires, but I know I have a lot of work to do to get there.
I say “technically I selfship” honestly because i cringe at myself and feel embarrassed about this hobby every so often. I’ve killed a lot of myself that fears having my desires and fantasies seen, but I’m not totally done yet. Has my partner seen my writing over my shoulder and said “I can tell you’re writing fanfiction”? yeah. Did it kill me inside and stop me from writing for months? Yes also. Is his opinion of my hobby something I really need to value in order to be my highest self? Well I’m online rn posting my bleeding heart to you so, no. It turns out it doesn’t. I’d like to one day write paperbacks at grocery stores, but right now I’m exploring my desires to and past the limits of my embarrassment and shame.
To touch on the media however, is a beast I think is best tackled in some sort of PHD thesis or through the art of coroner dissection. We gotta talk about hetalia. What is it? Is it for children? Is it for adults but is mimicking media for children? Or is it for children but touches on incredibly mature themes like r*pe and in*est? We could talk about this for hours, and I’m not gonna lie I’m really interested in that discussion. Two feet squarely planted, deep in this fandom, I’m interested in if and how this media is flawed, or possibly well witted. That being said, I’m incredibly proud to be among people who do discuss this, DNI lists and think posts touch on the elements of the show or fandom that give us cause for concern. I take the time to read most of the ones I come across because it shows me a lot about what a poster wants from the fandom. How they interact with art and OCs and fics. Yet somehow the cream on top is politics. You CANNOT escape it in this fandom, and it’s illuminating! You meet people who know more than you about the history of the world, your nation, a nation you’ve rarely thought of, and you meet people who haven’t passed their first social studies class in grade school yet, and unless they excuse atrocities, it’s fascinating to explore their worldview.
Thank you for letting me share some of my thoughts with you. I can’t escape my perspective on this and I was wondering if any of y’all had any similar or different thoughts. Love u
