Sweet Seals For You, Always
hello vonnie
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
icyghini twinkie
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Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
Stranger Things
The Bowery Presents
Claire Keane
Discoholic 🪩
untitled
The Stonewall Inn
noise dept.
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Monterey Bay Aquarium
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Show & Tell
shark vs the universe
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
art blog(derogatory)
seen from Tunisia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Qatar
seen from Venezuela
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Malaysia
seen from Kosovo
seen from France
seen from Brunei
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Spain
seen from United States
seen from Vietnam
seen from South Africa
seen from France
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Germany
@hotgriddle
I think that the ghirardelli peppermint bark squares taste like christmas. I think that my mother is no longer the mother that I grew up with. She is docile now, easily startled, more confused, and lighter. I knew her to be angry, loud, pointed. She is none of these anymore. Not truly. The fog descends and I can see her confusion.
I think I am forgetting how to use my free will and randomize my outcomes. I need to practice making decisions with intent to get a stronger sense of myself. I miss you, or the thought of you. do you miss me too?
I wouldn't even call it depressionmaxxing. It's not the typical emptiness. It's sad and crying. It's crying myself to sleep and being overwhelmed when it comes to very simple tasks. I want to eat cookies in bed. I hate that the earth is getting warmer and the days are so thick in the heat. I hate my pushover boss and the way she complains and wants someone on her side to listen to her complain, not a solution. I don't feel like I will ever get another job. I need to get out. I think Langdon looks like you. I think jess and nick edits on my fyp are making me sick.
I think about you a lot. what we could have been. what's meant for you won't pass you by. I have hope that what is meant to happen is going to happen.
having a hometown is such a fucked up concept. i grew up here so i do not want to stay here anymore. i miss it when i am away but once i am back i realise why i wanted to go away as far as possible from it. i am familiar with every corner of this place i did not realise when it slowly changed into something unrecognisable. i would probably like to be buried here but i'd rather die than live here
you need to bite more, and you need to bite hard
The sky is gray. The employment market is bleak. I will be stuck here in my bartending, office, parent's house life
authenticity
sources: unknown // unknown // maplepecanpastry on tumblr // ashmanathletics on tiktok // i saw the tv glow (2024) // pray for me by kendrick lamar // unknown // what are you waiting for? by derald cannon jr. // unknown // unknown // drunk drivers/killer whales by car seat headrest // polekingrasputin on instagram
on waiting / on saving yourself
I sit in my basement and it's extremely quiet. I want to leave here. I want to leave this country, this state, this earth. I don't know if I'm looking for someone to validate my existence. If a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound? I wish my brain worked. I wish I didn't feel so bad all of the time. My stomach feels twisted from the loneliness. I should go to bed, even though I have a lot to do. digital cleanup. kill me.
I can't forget why. I can't forget that I felt your insecurity leaking and it annoyed me. I can't forget that I didn't like the patches of hair on your ears, the lack of it on your head. I can't forget that I was embarrassed to stand next to you at that party. I can't forget that I felt like you forced your way in to my life. I can't forget the way that I wanted to stay in the car forever after hugging. I mean I can't forget that I didn't like how self-deprecating you were. I can't forget how you made me laugh and smile and I wanted to be alone with you all the time. I mean I can't forget how you looked at me. I mean I can't forget how you were obsessed with me. I can't forget how I wanted you to answer me, to talk to me, to join me everywhere I went. I can't forget you
I haven't written anything in months. The basement walls are stale. I don't think I will ever feel happiness down here again. I am plagued with the thought of you running around here with me on your back and me doing the same for you. Crying laughing loving lying. I sit on these sheets, the same ones I have yet to change since the break up. I don't touch anything from then. I left the country and froze it all in time. The emotional weight of being here is a lot. I read back on some of the things that I wrote when we were together and I can't believe how calloused and mean and terrible I felt like I was being to you.
These days I've been thinking about you and having extremely vivid dreams of your touch. I was kneeling on my bed and you laid in front of me. I leaned down to hug you from behind, you had a yellow shirt on. You emanated a soft warmth that I miss the feeling of. Smooth and skinny. If I had it I might resent it despite wanting it so bad right now. I'm broken in that way.
I loved your mind and the way that you treated me. I felt so seen, known, and loved. I don't know if I will ever feel that way with anybody else. It's been so long since I've felt anything real. I won't let myself feel anything. I'm holding out, I can't have it all be for nothing. I can't even imagine another halloween happening without you after the mess that was last year. I want to skip the entire fall season. I don't want to live here and deal with that again, I need something to change so that I can learn myself and fix the deeper issues. I don't know what to do.
today at work I thought a lot about what it means to be a ten
sometimes I can't tell if I want you or if I just want somebody. anybody. but one time we were talking about a mutual friend who was going through hard times, and you said that he needed to be lonely for a bit. Because loneliness was the ticket to getting to happiness and being a better person. I hope that I believe that. I hope that it's true.
while I was reading this morning I felt the weight of loneliness nagging at me. I worry that if I continue to focus on my hobbies and stay at my parent's house I will be lonely. I like the clarity that doing these hobbies brings me, but it makes me realize that if I wanted to disappear I think that I probably could. What if I went offline on all social media? I don't know what would happen. Would it be worse if nothing happened? I will maintain the thought that I should never choose to be lonely. It's okay to be alone to do things for me, but I will never push people away and make the lonely choices. I think if loneliness is going to happen that it will force itself into my life and that is a problem that very easily snowballs into something hard to manage.
something that I'm learning as I get older and live my life is that I'm a huge fan of a subversion of expectations. Probably to a fault in some ways. Specifically tonight I am thinking about how I love season 5 episode 8 of Supernatural: Changing Channels.
I used to love the opening sequence where it was set up like a cheesy 00's sitcom. I loved seeing my favorite characters acting in a world outside of their own, something a little different but still the same. Laughing and over-exaggerated. It was weird and it was charming and uncanny and strange. I was obsessed with the idea that the Winchester brothers could exist in a backdrop of color and honestly anything that wasn't dark and miserable (tbf during this season they're dealing with the consequences of starting the apocalypse). It was kind of like watching fanfiction come to life. I remember I used to like fanfiction a lot. I want to get back into reading as much as I dd as a kid, and get more analytical with things. Connect more in my brain.
like a movie scene i look up to you and to my right and you're there. and we look at each other and blink and you gesture to leave and i say no and then you do and then you don't and you appear next to me in this Situation
why am i scared to be non binary? I don't think I'm scared to claim that label, but I don't feel like I'm convincing enough to claim it. I don't know how to make that shift where people just see me and know. is this just me liking a subversion of expectations again? what are the answers. why can't I stop thinking about the he/theys in my life
