I haven't posted anything in a long while.
This is partly because things got so bad and partly because I knew people had found this blog and it was affecting what I wrote.
I'm still not sure what to write about that time since we came back from our little holiday. There was a lot of cutting, a lot of rows, a lot of tension, a lot of intensity and a lot of control.
My daughter was being pushed and pulled in too many directions and having a lot of pressure put on her to show people that she loves them. I tried to help her see how to deal with these situations but it became a contest between the other person and me. I ended up being forced to do the same pushing and pulling which just made things worse.
Then over Easter, she did something that any normal teenager would do and got in trouble with me like any normal teenager would. We had a row about it...
The same day the other person provided her with a very sharp razor, told her how horrible I am and told her to cut more and to cut deeper if I said anything to her that she didn't like. They told her that if I wouldn't let her cut then she should run away to their house where she would be safe to cut.
As you all know, I wouldn't take her blades away from her or stop her from cutting but this blade was very sharp and dangerous. She cut herself pretty badly with it and I took it away.
When I saw all the things the person was saying I knew it had to stop. Her phone was already broken so I didn't need to take that away (although I would have). I took away her internet access and told her she was not to have any contact with the person.
It's a whole lot more complicated than that but some of it is not my business to write.
She was devastated for a couple of days but then she started seeing old friends, people she hadn't seen for ages. She realised that she can have fun with other people and that she still has lots of friends.
It was really hard because she desperately missed the person but she realised that they were not good for each other. She very quickly started becoming herself again and started to change her style. She started listening to different music and dressing differently. It was like she remembered who she was as an individual.
The other person has done the same thing and is busy finding himself and becoming a new person. They want to start seeing each other again as they are feeling much better. I allowed them to see each other for a couple of hours yesterday and may let them talk online occasionally but I still feel that they need to spend a lot of time apart to work on themselves.
She has not cut since the day I took the internet and feels that she never will again. She no longer loves her cuts and scars and wants them to go. She has started treating them with a scar reducing oil. She no longer hides them, she doesn't care if people see them because she feels it is in her past, not something to be kept a big dark secret. She has to be a bit careful at school because although she doesn't mind and people who are used to seeing cuts will be fine, they are pretty horrific to someone who has never been exposed to that sort of thing.
I think we become desensitized, especially those people on Tumblr!
I'm not going to say that everything is fine and she will never cut again. I know we've been here before but it feels different this time.
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