izzy's playlists!
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YOU ARE THE REASON
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
⁂
noise dept.
Sade Olutola
Discoholic 🪩
wallacepolsom
$LAYYYTER
i don't do bad sauce passes
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
we're not kids anymore.
tannertan36
KIROKAZE
PR's Tumblrdome
h
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Türkiye
seen from Germany
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from Australia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from United States
@howling-suggestions
Close your eyes and everything is how it was, the rubble back to buildings and your friends smiling at you. Every shard of your heart once again whole and beating. If I keep my eyes closed maybe this warm delusion will always stay, even as I feel the ashes swallowing me whole.
I wish I could put my teeth on the bathroom counter, distance myself from their sharpness to sink into your softness. My heart claws itself to shreds thinking of all the ways this can go wrong and my teeth chatter knowing how it will. And oh it will, for a beast without fangs doesn't get to keep anything and a beast with them makes sure they don't. I never wanted to be like this; I'm sure others can agree as they limp away. I ruin what I touch and I eat everything I see, what good is the dog catcher if he falls for it all too? If you think I'm amazing it's because you haven't seen me smile yet. It's because you haven't seen the blood on my teeth yet.
Sharpen my teeth on the bones of my despair and face new fangs on old hurts. I'll not let these ghosts follow me into the future; not when everything looks so bright and warm ahead.
Curling tight around you and baring fangs at anyone who dares take your sweetness as an opening to hurt you. I'll keep that soft heart of yours safe so you can keep shining just as brightly as you are.
I find myself slowing my steps when I'm with you, wanting to lengthen our time together no matter how small. The walk somehow seems softer with you.
The desperate kind of hope, where you pray this time will finally be the one, the good ending where you are loved and safe. I'm holding onto this good thing with all the fear of every bad one behind me.
The biblical kind of wrath, where i flood my heart as a way to kill all thoughts of you and send pests to eat away what survives. My anger is righteous fury, for how god damn dare you harm me in such a way. My fury is a snarling beast protecting the beaten lamb of my soul and you will never fucking touch me again.
Like a dog protecting their belly I stay curled up tight, shrinking back from any touch for fear of more agony. Maybe when the wind blows softer I can stretch out in the sunlight and finally feel peace. And maybe then I won't flinch when your hand reaches out.
When I finally escape the hell you dragged me into, I will spend my life desperately avoiding all traces of a "love" like yours. Never again will I be the naive victim; that part of me was destroyed by you.
Where are my claws, my wings, my fangs? Where are the ones I hunted with, the ones I flew with, the ones I loved? Where did my world go?
You said I'm not good at choosing friends and you meant it as a mark against yourself but in reality you were a prophet and I was holding my hands over my ears. I've always chosen poorly, my kindness given to those ready to use it. I ran to comfort souls who would turn around and destroy me, making the same mistake every single time. And every single time I would think of you, wishing I could tell you how right you were.
I howled to the stars to be saved and instead I was destroyed. A shooting star descended to meet hopeful eyes that quickly turned to despair as I was set ablaze by it.
You always said you would save me. But that was just another lie on a mountain of them.
Let's run off together, the moon lighting our way, following the stars back to our spot under the trees. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is ending so just hold my hand and listen to the wind through the leaves.
Preying upon everything you can reach, tell me again how you're somehow different from your own predator. Tell me how the sins you commit somehow don't make you the kind of person you absolutely hate.
The sun burns everything it touches so I flee to the darkness of the forest, curling up in the hollow of a tree to wait out the oppressive heat. When colder winds blow, I'll turn my face to the wind and smile again; until then I'll count the days.
My heart is a whirlwind of grief and agony that demands to be felt and understood before it can be dispelled, I know that. I know the only way out is through but that's the part I find so difficult to do.
I was preyed on for being a good person. That is the beginning and the end of it.