anyway...

kristen! chicago ▼Ⓥ she/her/they/them.

[hsm2006]

alright!!!! ok!!!

[hsm2006]

my childhood was robbed from me. my youthfulness was robbed. i am more powerful than him, smarter, stronger, and more courageous and i will go so much further than him and i do not need to hurt people in order to be loved.

[hsm2006]

he made me feel like being depressed, hopeless, and abusing substances was the most noble and honest way to be and i’d be lying if i said i didn’t carry that with me every day. i do not have to be a coward. i do not need the same crutches that he needed.

[hsm2006]

it was not my fault. it was not my fault. it was not my fault. it was not my fault. i am not a bad person. i am not a hateful person. i am not a coldhearted person. i do not have to be the way that he made me. i don’t have to be jaded. i don’t have to be paranoid and constantly worried. i am allowed to trust fully. i am allowed to be optimistic and hopeful even if it is naive and not everything is poetry and not everything has to be poetry and hurting another person is not beautiful. it was not my fault. i was a child. i was a child. i do not have to spend my whole life being the victim of him. i am allowed to define my own life and my own love and be free. it was not my fault. i am free of all of that now.

[hsm2006]

currently

[hsm2006]

2012-2013??? maybe? unsure

[hsm2006]

top: 2012

bottom: 2011

[hsm2006]

when i left to backpack in colorado in 2013 i left a note on top of my secret notes drawer that said “PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT READ” in case my mom opened the drawer. there were years of memories and records of loves and mischief including a note from a guy i slept with who wrote to me describing it poetically and in great detail (i was 16 at the time and apparently a great fuck even then). for the next few years that note stayed on top of everything. originally it had been meant to prevent my mom from snooping, but it eventually became a roadblock to me facing my past. today is november 21st 2015 and i finally got the courage to open up the drawer and look through it. i recognized the handwriting of so so so many people going all the way back to my freshman year of highschool. mostly doodles and passed notes in class. a real archive. i recognized my abuser’s handwriting instantly and at first was petrified. once i realized how many more notes from friends there were than from him, i felt stronger. the notes are now divided into two piles: his shitty poems, desperate please, and manipulative chapters crumpled in balls on the floor and my real history, the history of my friends, lovingly placed back in the drawer. i even got the courage to open up my old journal. photos to come

[hsm2006]

coming home was such a huge mistake i found old razors with actual dried blood on them and i have a drawer full of notes from old lovers and i saw my abuser’s handwriting and started crying

[hsm2006]

my brother made fun of me and said if i shave my head i will look like sinead oconnor so know i should probably do it just for him

[hsm2006]

things i Hate:

liberals

having two addict brothers who are enabled by my parents

being at home

[hsm2006]

sometimes i get stressed with school and life moving forward so quickly and i think about taking time off and moving back with my parents and slowing down. but then i come here and remember what this place is. there is nothing left for me here

[nervous-corps-deactivated202011]

Visit Original Link

Sheer Mag - Fan The Flames

[whereshadowsmakeshadows-deactiv]

Odd Future Let The Dirty Laundry Pile Up Get Your Mom To Wash Em All

[hsm2006]

also 3 months sober today

[hsm2006]

being home is so weird because my family lives here but i don’t, my mom told me she is turning my room into a guest bedroom, nobody that i was friends with here wants to see me anymore (which i understand is my fault but i can’t help but keep making sad attempts at reaching out), and the only thing i ever really did here anyway was get drunk so i guess i’m just going to get some chipotle and write these papers and that’s it

[micdotcom]

Watch: It’s your right to share your salary, not doing so could be holding you back.

[annakie]

At my last company, one day someone in accounting approached me at lunch and quietly told me I need to ask for a raise because I was way underpaid.

They gave me a number to shoot for.  It was about twice than what I had been making at the time.

So I went online, did some research, found some figures backing up my claim, put it all together and went to my boss.

I got what I asked for.

If it hadn’t been for that person in accounting telling me I was way underpaid, I’d have never known.  I went from barely scraping by to being able to have a savings account and getting all my debts paid thanks to them.

You should at least check sites like salary.com to start the process of seeing what you should be making.

[brianadeshe]

Because this is crucially important