not pro!! this is only for me

big fucking tw sw: 96kg cw: 77.8kg gw: 70kg ugw: 45kg

[hudodudo]

intro

vent blog.

i've been diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and ptsd, slipped into an ed a few times (currently going there again lmao) but haven't been diagnosed by a professional.

not pro ANYTHING. please don't interact if you are or think mental disorders are "fun" and "quirky". they're deadly. don't look at this blog if you can't handle it, this is mainly for myself

TWs:

self harm, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, ed things

[hudodudo]

i've been clean for a month!!! fuck yeah. i can do this.

[hudodudo]

my mom complimented my weight loss by saying that i look like i'm only half of what i used to be :)) well that's literally what i'm going for haha

[hudodudo]

the sick thing is that i don't wan't to recover. i don't want to gain weight again. i physically cannot eat enough food, even thinking about it makes me feel sick. yet i still deny the fact that i might have an ed because i'm "too fat". nobody was shocked when i lost 15kg within only a few weeks, maybe people will notice once i'm at my next gw...

[winterboy60]

Dieting

Everytime i lose weight it feels like my soul is being cleansed from everything.

Fact: Dieting is more effective then praying

[hudodudo]

i've been staying around 500-800cals for the past couple of days and i just wanna go lower again. it's addicting.

[thin-thoughts-only]

You didn’t gain all that weight in one night, don’t expect to lose it all in one either

[thin-angelss]

[id-die-skinny]

I really needed to remember this shitty truth.

[beautifulinmycoffin]

Reasons to be skinny

(some nsfw???)

-medium sized shirts would hang off your boney shoulders 

-you can actually shop at name brand stores and find clothes in your size

-he will be able to carry you around and say how light you are

-he could throw you around

-you wouldn’t have to worry about how you look like while your having sex

-you will look normal ordering a salad, not like your desperately trying 

-sitting on people laps and not being self conscious

-your bed will feel bigger because you don’t take up as much space

-you are a queen at fitting places most humans cant (which is great for hide and seek)

-you aren’t the stereotypical chubby emo girl anymore, instead your mysterious and not someone to be messed with

-people will actually take you seriously 

-so you can strut around in a swim suit and be confident 

-to be able to be on someones shoulders and not crush them 

-for your hands to be smaller/ skinnier than all of your friends when you measure them in front of each other 

-to lay your legs on your friends laps when your sitting by them and not have to feel so self conscious 

-for you to be able to borrow clothes from your other skinny friends and it still be too big on you 

-your hair will look longer 

-you’ll save money on lotions and body soaps because you dont need as much product to cover your body anymore

-you will feel cold all the time so when you hold hands with someone you will always get to see their shock

-you can cover up with as many fuzzy blankets as you want and you wont get too hot in the middle of the night

-youll be more flexible 

-you wont have to wear as much makeup because your skin will naturally look better and your cheek bones will already be defined

-you can wear v-necks to show off your collar bones instead of your chubby chest and shoulders

-your will get the satisfaction of seeing your hand bones move while your typing

-you’ll be able to fit your write inside of your middle finger and thumb

-tattoos look better on skin that isn’t stretched 

-bellybutton piercings

-hopefully my boobs will shrink so they aren’t such a hassle

-you won’t get out of breath by hiking anymore

-you’ll have more energy and be able to move around easier

-you’ll get higher faster

-you’ll get drunk faster

-you’ll get nic-high faster

-you will be able to comfortably take baths in your tiny bathtub 

-so your stomach will shrink and you can only handle so much food

-so that the giant teddy bear you have will be so much bigger than you

-so your thighs don’t touch when you walk 

-the time taken not eating you’ll be able to clean your room, catch up on homework, or go exercise more

-your face won’t get so extremely red when its hot outside

-you can wear crops tops and shorts and not look like an exploding biscuit package 

-so when you do eat unhealthy food you don’t look like the next contestant on “my six hundred pound life”

-for the “did you lose weight???”

-for the worried stares your parents and teachers give you 

-for the hungry stares the from the girls who wish they were you 

-so your combat boots will look h u g e on you 

-to be able to sit criss cross in any chair

-you’ll be sexier and look better in lingerie 

-you will naturally be repulsed by large amounts of food

-you can say “I’m not hungry” and people will actually believe you, where  if your fat every assumes that of course your always hungry

-being in dressing rooms and not feeling like crying

-looking perfect in your homecoming and prom dresses

-your skinny legs will look good in heels

-posting pics of you at the pool and not having to worry about every angle

-being delicate 

-people will be afraid to push you or hurt you in anyway because you look so fragile

-even the skinniest/ weakest people in your friend group will be able to lift you

-instead of “but your not fat” it’ll be “but your so skinny!!”

-you can wear fishnets and tights and not have so much extra fat on your legs

-you can look in the mirror and admire yourself the way you would admire thinspo before

-so youll have a smaller ring size 

—to be continued

ALSO: I do not promote eating disorders, if your new here please leave and seek help immediately. Thanks lovelies 💘

[dainty-and-spacey]

repost if u break the stereotype of Eds

you eat once a day/ u don’t always fast 24/7

you’re not bones

you don’t openly talk about it lile it’s a big problem

you don’t want treatment

you don’t think you’re sick enough for treatment

you can’t purge

EATING DISORDERS AREN’T WHAT THE MEDIA TELLS YOU

feel free to add!♡➹★

[gh0st1-gutz]

• when you do eat, it’s not uber healthy options and it’s more carbs/starch/fat/comfort foods

• you don’t wear exclusively baggy clothes to hide your frame

• you’re not white, cis, female, or straight

• you’re not professionally diagnosed

• you’ve never been hospitalized bc of your ed

• you’re not strictly anorexic or bulimic (like EDNOS, orthorexia, OSFED, etc.)

(also it’s fine if you Do fit these stereotypes!!! i look like a VERY stereotypical ana so djdhfkeh)

[eating-disowoder]

[fasting-angel]

[bumblebeahoneytea]

i'm so jealous (via a1es5andra on ig)

[mollysfedup]

I can literally fast all day but the minute I eat anything I just can't control myself

[heavenstoaspartame]

me coming back onto ana tumblr after eating 1000+ calories of junkfood for 2 days

[hudodudo]

*2 weeks akxksjsj

[recovery-elle]

Things an ED will make you do

- Eat in private because you’re embarrassed that you even need to eat - The frustration when you’re with someone who says “I’m hungry” - Constant anxiety over calories, fats, and carbs - Being hugely defensive when anyone comments on you eating or not eating - Comparing yourself to an 8 year old to make you feel huge - Always thinking and planning ahead what you might be “allowed” to eat next - Feeling like everyone is plotting to get you to eat when they suggest going out for food or getting together - Cancelling plans in fear of there being food involved. What if someone suggests going for lunch!?? - Body checking in your reflection everywhere (literally, everywhere) - Colonizing every little thought in your head.

[hisicequeen]

Wanna know what having anorexia is really like?

*sleeping as much as possible to keep yourself from binging *drinking so much green tea or coffee on an empty stomach that your hands shake *pushing on your stomach to stop the growling *exercising until your legs feel weak *peeing 40 times a day *weighing yourself daily *having to say no to foods you once loved *hiding your illness from family/boyfriend/friends *choking on giant vitamins *wearing jackets in the summer because you’re always cold *always being covered in bruises *binging when you’re alone… *…and then trying to puke or shit the guilt away *staring at thinspo literally 24/7 *crying when the number on the scale just won’t move no matter how long you fast *feeling guiltily proud of all your symptoms

[shirtstiesandcolouredeyes]

This is not a joke

[winter-weightloss]