i don't wanna be the center of anything

[littlerachstreisand-blog]

“You may not think you know how to do it, but you still did it. You can’t just up and leave because things are hard for you, Finn. No matter how difficult they are. Was your trip helpful at least?”

[hudson-finnc]

“I didn’t leave because they were hard.  I left and stayed gone because they were impossible.  You know, even if school is hard for you, you’ve got home to go to where your dads love and support you.  I didn’t even have that.  I needed to go somewhere I could learn the truth for once and it felt so much more important than the other things happening here.  I’m sorry I let you down, but I don’t know what would’ve happened if I stayed.  It was, at least in some ways I guess.  Coming back was kind of hard but I had to finish school.”

[hudson-finnc]

Text || Fuinn

Finn: We can. In person might be better, though.

Quinn: I think that would probably be best, too.

Finn: Where can I see you?

[littlerachstreisand-blog]

“I expect you not to have to start with anything. Because I expected you to stay here and help with glee club not to go gallivanting around who knows where for months. Months, Finn. You have responsibilities you can’t just pack up and leave whenever you feel like going on vacation.”

[hudson-finnc]

“I don’t know how to gallivant. I mean, I'm not even sure what that is.  And I wasn’t on vacation, Rachel.  You know what was going on with me, which means you know why I left too because that stuff led to it.  I was staying with my grandparents for a while.” 

[numberwhapuckerman]

The idea of smacking Finn was getting entirely too appealing, Puck thought as he rolled his eyes. “Say you won’t take off without telling me again and you have a deal,” Puck told him, one eyebrow raised like he was challenging him. He couldn’t make any promises about not tripping over Finn and the stupid trundle thing his mom had swapped his old bed out for when Quinn moved in. The thing was an accident waiting to happen. “She hasn’t told my ma anything. If she had, my ma would have told me just to shut me up, but fine. I’ll check with her and text you. Deal?”

[hudson-finnc]

“I won’t,” he agreed.  “I don’t know if I’m gonna stick around after graduation, but I’ll be here at least that long.” He sighed a little and looked at the guy who had put up with him longer than almost anyone else.  While he had known the few he was close to deserved better, he hadn’t wanted to explain, either.  He probably needed to eventually get a handle on it.  It was already a problem, but it could get worse.  He’d immediately felt overwhelmed and just different somehow and it had only served to make isolation easier.  Coming back from that was tough to do.  “Deal.  Thank you.” 

[hudson-finnc]

Text || Fuinn

Finn: Those are both good. And also you're both still alive and I'm guessing in one piece.

Quinn: Surprisingly. Are we going to talk about you?

Finn: We can. In person might be better, though.

[numberwhapuckerman]

“One, I didn’t know you were with your grandparents until, like, five minutes ago,” Puck told him as he flashed him a solitary finger that wasn’t exactly polite. “Two, you can’t live in a hotel. It’s gonna eat your savings in a week.” He was sure Quinn would be bitching at him to go home, but she could have fun with that when it was her turn to chew Finn out. “You know my ma would let you stay if you need a place. She likes you more than she likes me some days.” Besides, Finn was still a flight risk. Letting him stay might have had an ulterior motive of making sure the fucker stayed put.

[hudson-finnc]

“I know it will,” he said gently.  The only acknowledgement he gave Puck’s hand gesture was an eye roll.  “Maybe she doesn’t anymore.  I don’t know what my mom’s said to her and that’s okay.”  He sighed.  “Check with her and let me know, yeah?  And... like... I’m gonna need some kind of a promise you won’t smother me with my own pillow.” 

[hudson-finnc]

Text || Fuinn

Finn: How did that go?

Quinn: Okay. No one cried or screamed so I guess it was a success.

Finn: Those are both good. And also you're both still alive and I'm guessing in one piece.

[numberwhapuckerman]

“Gone. For. Months,” Puck said slowly. “You get lost on your way to the bathroom when you’re drunk. You alone fuck knows where? I had plenty of reasons to worry, asshat.” He frowned suddenly as he considered Finn’s words. “Wait. If you’re not going home, where the hell are you staying?” Not with his other grandparents, he knew. They lived in Ann Arbor and he was pretty sure that was a bit outside McKinley’s school district. “Don’t tell me you’re living with Patches.”

[hudson-finnc]

“I wasn’t alone.  I was staying with my grandparents.  It was, like, so the opposite of alone.”  He chuckled a little and shook his head.  “No.  My grandpa fixes small motors in his house?  Like lawn mowers and appliances and stuff.  I did some work for him and some stuff for my grandma while I was there.  I don’t have enough for an apartment but I have a hotel room for now.  I’m gonna try to get a job and an apartment, I guess.  I don’t really know just yet.” 

[numberwhapuckerman]

“Well, I wouldn’t have been thinking you were dead in a ditch somewhere,” Puck said flatly. He rubbed at the back of his neck, nails scratching against skin as he let out a breath. “I won’t kick your ass,” he added and hoped Finn knew he was accepting the apology without turning the whole thing into a chick flick moment. “Screw everyone else and screw making shit weird. It’s better than running off to Georgia.  If you wanna run away from your mom or whatever, just come over to my place. You still have your key, right?”

[hudson-finnc]

“You said my mom told you I was fine,” he pointed out, but it lacked heat.  He was actually a little relieved Puck wasn’t going to kick his ass; though he thought they would probably be even handed in a fight, he didn’t want to test it out.   “No, I mean, it was good that I went.  It gave me a different perspective on things and I feel better.  I probably would’ve gone crazy if I had waited to do it.”  He sighed.  “I’m not moving back into their house, but yeah, I still have a key for yours.  I’ll use it if I need to. Thank you.”

[numberwhapuckerman]

“I get it’s a shitty subject, man, but you were gone for months. We didn’t know and… You think I fucking care about some image of your dad getting fucked up for me? It’s not about me.” This asshole was going to give him a damn ulcer if he didn’t kill him first. “Your mom should have been straight with you, alright? I get why you’re pissed and it’s shitty that she didn’t apologize for it. I just… Fuck.” Puck dropped his head forward, his mother’s voice in his head as she reminded him that violence doesn’t solve anything. He disagreed, but throwing punches in the Lima Bean might just cause more drama. “Dude, you’re supposed to be able to talk to your best friend about shit. You don’t just run off without telling anyone.”

[hudson-finnc]

“And you would’ve worried less if I would’ve talked about it first?” Finn asked doubtfully.  He sighed.  “I wanted to be able to just do it without checking in back at home.  Schue was so... I kind of thought I might find something I could hang onto, like a goal or something for the future.  I was afraid if I said anything about any of it, things would be weird.  With things weird at home, I couldn’t handle anymore weird.  I didn’t want you guys to see me different because I’m the idiot that got played for my whole life and I didn’t want things to change, so I didn’t say anything.  I was selfish and I’m sorry.” 

[hudson-finnc]

Text || Fuinn

Finn: Oh. Have you talked to her then?

Quinn: Yeah. Puck and I went to meet Beth.

Finn: How did that go?

[littlerachstreisand-blog]

“Hey. The best you have is hey?”

[hudson-finnc]

“How else do you expect me start?  It’s not like an explanation can just happen.  So yeah, the best I have to start with is ‘hey’.” 

[numberwhapuckerman]

It wasn’t like Puck wasn’t used to the idea of addicts as parents. His dad had had his own host of issues that had either made him into the asshole he was or made it worse, but Finn’s dad… The guy was supposed to be a hero and even if he thought Finn did a stupid ass thing by taking off, he got why it would have messed him up. He sighed, his coffee forgotten on the table–fuck, did he wish it was a beer instead–and ran his hand over his face. “You could have told me,” he said, a tinge of hurt in his tone, but it wasn’t about him. “You just took off and we were worried. Your mom said you were alright, but she wouldn’t tell me where you went.”

[hudson-finnc]

Finn just sighed, his reasons for not telling anyone and playing it close to the vest running through his head.  He’d thought about it a lot, had a lot of downtime and quiet moments especially with his grandpa to think.  Yeah, reasons.  He had ‘em.  

“I didn’t want to talk about it,” he finally said.  He shook his head.  “Especially to you.  I know how disappointing it is.  My dad was the dad we sort of counted on not to suck, even though he wasn’t around.  My mom... is still not very happy with me.  And I don’t think she wants to really admit she lied.  When we tried to talk about it, she said she thought it was for the best that I not think of him like he died but she’s never apologized for the lie.  It’s still kind of a sore subject.” 

[hudson-finnc]

Text || Fuinn

Finn: Do you wanna catch me up more than that, or do you want to not see me?

Quinn: Shelby's back, that's the basis of it all.

Finn: Oh. Have you talked to her then?

[numberwhapuckerman]

Half-hearted jokes about neither of them being suited for college died in his throat and Puck swore. “Dude, that…” He didn’t know. Didn’t know what to say or quite how to process the shock–and it wasn’t even about his own dad. He’d grown up alongside Finn, hearing stories about heroism and seeing that folded flag on the mantel. Everything being a lie… “That’s why you left?”

[hudson-finnc]

He could see the minute it really clicked for Puck and he hated it.  He’d never wanted that, so he hadn’t told anyone except Rachel.   Of all the people to tell, Puck would be the worst because he had been the closest to their family.  It would change things for him, too.  “Yeah.  Well, there’s more to it than just that.  That’s where it started, though.  Things got worse and more intense and I just... I had to.  Burt knew about it all and he wanted me to just stay and take over the shop.  I think so they could keep an eye on me or something, I don’t know.  I reached out to my grandparents because they stopped talking to my mom when they found out she was lying to me.  Next thing I knew... I was going.” 

[numberwhapuckerman]

There was relief for all of a second, happy that Finn hadn’t stumbled into the rough shit, but it disappeared with the next sentence. He should have checked the dude’s pupils. Made sure he wasn’t tripping on something. “You generally don’t live somewhere if you run away. And don’t say you broke up with your mom. It makes it sound like you were fucking her and even I’ve got limits.” He sighed and ran a hand over his mohawk. “What the hell could be so bad about your dad that it made you pull this shit? You’re not making sense, Finn.”

[hudson-finnc]

“Yeah, I know.  Fine.  I moved out but we didn’t have to take care of legal crap because I was already eighteen.”  He sighed to match Puck’s sigh.  He’d started toward the end of the story, not at the beginning and it was their turn to order.  

Once they had, and he’d pulled Puck away from, like, people, he began again. “So last fall, Quinn was hitting the college thing really, really hard.  I mean, everyone was, but she was with me, too.  She wanted me to apply by where she was applying and... I kinda knew I didn’t want that so I started looking into enlisting.  I figured my dad had been in the military and it was honorable, and my mom always says how much I’m like him so it was probably a good alternative for me.”  He shook his head.  “But... I guess not.  My mom said she didn’t want me to enlist because my dad didn’t die in the Marines.  He got dishonorably discharged and died of a drug overdose.  He was an addict.”  

[numberwhapuckerman]

“You know about your dad.”

“I need a fucking beer is what I need.” The asshole was gonna make him go gray before he was nineteen. He didn’t like worrying about people and especially not Finn. Finn was supposed to be the one of them with their head on straight, he thought as they got into line and he crossed his arms over his chest. “Your whole purpose should have been coming home instead of taking off. Seriously. Do we need to have a talk about the bad drugs or something?”

[hudson-finnc]

“It’s all part of the story, man.  I didn’t really.” 

Finn sighed as they fell into the short line at the Lima Bean.  He’d known in the back of his mind coming back wouldn’t be easy, but he honestly didn’t think it would be met with threats or other things.  “No, we definitely do not.  I, um, I don’t actually live here anymore.  I moved out of my mom and Burt’s house and I’m not going back there.  We kinda broke up because my mom lied to me for my whole life about my dad and I found out about it last fall.”