I talk about suicide a lot in this post, read it with caution if that's a sensitive subject for you.
The phrase "hopeless child" which is used in Hu's motive secret does not just mean that she was depressed and without hope in the past. It actually means that as a child she lacked any real noteworthy talents or skills and that she was quite bad at everything she tried to be good at.
Her "hope" growing up was that she'd be very talented so that she could justify all the effort her parents put into immigrating to the states so that she could have a better future and when she failed to attain this standard she became "hopeless" and fell into despair.
Min's talent was an artificial construct which she was forced to conform to the standard of so that she and her family could live a comfortable life. Arei's talent was a tool which she used in order to subjugate the people responsible for her suffering and perpetuate the cycle of abuse which she'd grown up in. Ace's talent was an unfortunate byproduct of a senseless tragedy, his own complacency with the system which made him suffer, and the privileges he took for granted as a "naturally talented person."
Following this pattern, Hu's was her way of escaping her despair and what allowed her to rise above her status as a "worthless person."
Maybe she was a desperate, somewhat selfish or resentful person growing up who was frequently bullied because of her identity and circumstances? That desperation prevented her from ever actually growing or changing and perpetuated a cycle of self loathing which kept her trapped as a person of "mediocre talent."
Then when she hit rock bottom, some time after her third attempt, for some reason not yet know to us she found the ability to compose herself and be comfortable with herself as she was without needing to be more. Or at least, she began idolizing the idea of person who could do that. She herself is obviously still kind of bad at that.
This coincided with her learning how to play the zither and then lo and behold, she ends up being extraordinarily talented at playing the zither. By slowing down and taking a deep breath she found the hope which she'd been desperately reaching for for her entire life.
This is what allows her to "become better" than who she was before and transform into the person who she'd always wanted to be. Graceful, beautiful, composed, compassionate, etc. In truth, of course, she'd instead just shifted the goal post and now instead of hurting herself by desperately clawing for a standard which was always just out of reach she was now hurting herself by keeping herself resigned to a role which she could never be more than. Her transformation was not a lie but it was deceptive, and she'd deceived herself into believing that she was content with never changing again. Any "selfish" or "non altruistic" desires were proof that she was actually still a terrible bad person under surface and that she couldn't ever really change and that it was all pointless, so why even bother?
The only thing different about this cycle of self loathing is that she was able to hold herself to this standard as long as there were people around her which "relied" on her being useful. If people needed her then regardless of whether or not she was "really selfish under the surface", she had to keep moving forward so that she did not let those people down. If she were to ever completely lose even that and be left again with nothing other than her own self then I imagine she would relapse very, very quickly.
Actually, with how things ended in chapter 2, I feel like that point is rapidly approaching. What will she do when nobody is left to rely on her? How will she continue justifying her own life to herself and to those around her if she truly believes she has no worth anymore?
I don't really think Hu will end her own life or anything but I do think chapter 3 will have some heavier subject matters than the previous two chapters and it wouldn't surprise me if Hu made another failed attempt or even if the murder itself ended with her taking her own life in some form or another. There's a no suicide rule for the trials, but there's a clause for assisted suicides, so I wonder if that could happen with Hu. It would be very VERY harrowing if she threw her life away believing it's the only way for her to be useful and either set somebody else up as her killer for the trial or somebody agreed to work with her and assist her suicide so that they could get out.
Unfortunately I can definitely see something like that happening but it would be really devastating if it did. I genuinely think that would be one of the most miserable directions her character could go in and I hope from the bottom of my heart that she receives a less tragic ending than that. If it does end up that way though I'm not going to be super shocked I guess.
Anyways, completely detailing my already disorganized thoughts, I think Veronika will probably have an opposite backstory to Hu in this regard. She'll be a talented, intelligent, well liked person from a wealthy family who grew up with no financial strife or pressure to be perfect. Because nothing she does, whether positive or negative, significantly influenced the way the people around her thought of her she began acting out by performing increasingly dangerous and reckless stunts that eventually culminated in a pretty severe injury that changed her for the rest of her life.
She "broke" and was never the same and that's when she got into horror, so that she wouldn't literally kill herself while seeking thrills.
If Hu's ending ends up being that she loses hope and tries to save somebody by giving them her life then maybe Veronika's will be her trying to make somebody just as miserable as her at the cost of her own life?
Probably Arturo if it ends up going that way. Probably by doing something to J. Not sure where else to go with that though.
Alright that's all I've got. Peace and love and bye.
