this is the last post i am going to be making before i log out.
i would like to make it EXTREMELY clear that i have not been bullied off this platform. this is not an invitation to go harass any other blogs on here. i do not condone that behaviour at all. this decision is mine and mine alone.
after reading through all the anons i recieved, i would like everyone to know i have taken what has been said on board.
i am very aware i am not a perfect fan. no one is. im not a moral compass and have never tried to be. i apologise if it has come across that way. of course people are allowed different opinions. i just wish they could be more respectful with how they say it sometimes. again, i know that wonāt always be the case and i have to accept that. itās something ive never liked in fandom spaces but i need to come to terms with the fact it unfortunately wont change.
please do know i only call out the genuinely malicious and hateful comments. if itās just general and constructive criticism, it is not aimed at you and again im sorry if it came across that way.
i also apologise for my contribution to fandom and any other dramas. at the time i genuinely do not see it that way as in my head it seems like that behaviour needs to be called out but i can understand now that my posts arenāt always helping and im not going to stop every bad thing said or done within the fandom. i will be more careful with what i post and ensure im not adding more traction to things that really should just be left alone.
the reason i defend tom so much is because heās a huge hyperfixation for me. hes not just a comfort for me, heās someone who has saved my life. someone whoās fandom has saved my life. i would not be alive today if it were not the friends that i have made within this space. so yes, heās become a massive hyperfixation and i suppose thatās why i get so defensive etc. iām aware thatās not healthy and i still focus mainly on his projects rather than his private life as it does not concern me! but i do struggle to focus on other spaces and fandoms as thats not where i want to be or where i can be. toms fandom is my safe space and as sad as it sounds, my home away from home.
i do genuinely want to take a step back and i am trying but when i do, it reminds me how lonely i am irl. i wonāt go into details of my mental health or my personal life but my online life and my online friends are practically all i have. its all thatās keeping me together some days. again, i know how that sounds and im trying to build my life up but its hard. i am dealing with a lot of struggles right now. and before people do the usual āgo to therapyā, āget a jobā, āgo outsideā, itās not that easy. i cant afford therapy. i have been actively applying and working to get a job for well over a year and nothing is happening. some days i wake up and cant get out of bed. i have bad days. i have okay days. i am not saying this for pity or sympathy, this is just trying to explain what a lot of people are asking in regards to why i act the way i do.
i am really trying. i keep messing up, i know. but i am trying. iām trying to get my shit together. iām trying to make a life for myself. iām trying to be the best version of myself that i can be.
i love this fandom more than anything and the people iāve met really do feel like a family. i donāt want to leave. and i donāt want others to be pushed out and feel like they need to leave.
bye.
<3











