Is Arabic a critical language you think all students should have some exposure too?
You know I think it is a critical language in the way that can solve so many issues between the conflicts that are happening in the media and in the political issues too. So I think learning the language, part of which is the culture will help solve so many issues, but I am not sure if all of the students will take Arabic.
Where were you, where are you now, and where do you want to be in the future?
Oh, that’s a tough one. You know honestly I am just a normal person who is working super hard to support my family, my kids, and the very tough thing that I am going through is like I am living alone in here, I am doing so many things over my shoulders so I feel like that’s it. I am not getting a taste of life because of so many things going on in my life. I have two kids who I worry about a lot. My son, he is going to be 17 May, and my daughter, she is 14. Both are teenagers. They are getting older, and their problems are becoming bigger because I go back to the culture because we are raising them at home with a different culture and they go outside and it is the opposite. They they are always wondering, “why just us, why just us, why can we not do this, why can we not do that?” You know, that’s a big thing. Now, where I want to be in the future, you know, I always had a dream to continue my education but I did not have the chance because of so many things going on. You know, I am a computer science major, so my dream was to work in a company; I did not want to teach at all. You know, but now I love my job, and I love my students, but I always say, “oh my god, why didn’t I go to that field and pursue my education.” It always comes back to me, why didn’t I do what I wanted to do before. As I told you before though, that doesn’t mean that I don’t like what I am doing now. I love it, I love my job, so maybe after my kids are in college or after they graduate maybe I can do something for myself.
I lived before, you know, in Kansas for 6 months, and I hated it. I didn’t feel like it was America at all. Here (in Boston) people are more friendly, the state is really nice. I feel like we have a big community as well here, so it feels like I have [a] family. When you leave your family, you need somebody else to fill up your social life. There, in Kansas, it’s just you and yourself and if you need anything it’s really far away and people there are not friendly too. It was shocking, like imagine somebody coming from a place where social life is extremely important to a place where nobody even says hi.
Before Kansas, I was in Palestine. It was in December 1999. I just got married. When my husband had just finished high school, he is a Palestinian too, he grew up there until he finished high school. When he was done with high school, he came (to the States) to finish his undergraduate (degree) here. So when he finished school, he didn’t go back, he got a job, and he stayed here. He came back, and I came with him. Establishing my life, honestly, this is how I established my life.
Can you give me an example of a cultural norm at home that is completely the opposite of what your kids experience outside of home?
One thing, let’s say, the go to a sleepover, we don’t do sleepovers. They like their friends. I don’t mind their friends, I like all of them, but part of our culture and our religion is that we do not do sleepovers. So, these things like maybe they go to parties late at night or stuff like this, we do not do that. So they feel that we as a family are strict and they keep complaining, “if you don’t us to be ourselves here then why are we living here?”
What is a struggle you have overcome in life?
As I told you, raising kids in an environment that is completely different from your culture is very difficult. That is one thing. The other struggle I have in my life is the commute. Three hours. The commute is killing me. The third thing, you know, because honestly, you don’t have a family around you, so you don’t get help from anyone. So everything you have to do, you have to do it by yourself. So after awhile, your body cannot handle what you used to do before when you were younger. So that’s why you feel you are overwhelmed all the time. And also don’t forget that you have family back home, you keep thinking about them also. My mom has two brothers and two sisters. My sister came (to visit) three times, the one in Dubai, but the one in Palestine, no.
What is one of your most treasured memories?
I have more than one. When I graduated from college, that was the best moment of my life. When I had my kids, also that was a really pleasant moment in my life, and when I got my job at BU I was so excited too.
What are you most proud of in life?
In our culture, especially at the time when I lived there, now it has been almost 18 years since I left the country, women don’t work. My mom was an odd woman for the time because she was working at that time, 30 years ago. My dad was also a principal for a high school, so both of them were really successful. Back home, they have a special limited budget for boys, they save this for boys to go to continue their education. Girls, they don’t go continue their education. That was back when I was growing up, but my parents didn’t really do that. They gave us a chance, there were six of us, three girls and three boys, it was a big family. We all were given the chance to go and finish our education because of the support of my mom and my dad. I really love them because of what they did. They didn’t say, “she’s a girl, and she’s not supposed to go and finish her education. No. We are the same, equal.” So, another thing that I was proud of was that I was one of a few of Arab women that I know who are working, they don’t work. They are just sitting at home. I know they might be living a more relaxing life than me, I am so stressed out, but I feel that I accomplished something in a country that even when I came here, I wasn’t able to say, “hi, how are you?” You know, it’s a lot to accomplish. It’s not like I’m not bragging about it, but even when I was back home, if I were there, maybe I did more, I don’t know, but I feel the struggle that I went through when I came here you know, the differences in cultures, especially because I wear a scarf, and the language itself, it’s a lot. Imagine you want to go to an Arab country and start your life there. Imagine how many struggles you are going to go through. When I went to do my driving license it was like, I arrived at the end of December, and at the beginning of April I had my driver’s license, and I took the exam, the written exam, I passed the first time. But because I used to know how to read, I used to understand a lot of things, but it was the writing and the speaking that was difficult. I could read it easily, but maybe I didn’t understand all of the vocabulary of course, but I handled it because I studied the book. You know, I think part of it was the way we were raised in my family: you have to be independent. So when I was with my family, which is weird in our culture, I go and buy everything for my family. I did so much stuff for my family. So when I came here, and whenever I needed something, my husband has to do it, my husband has to do it, that was killing me. No, I need to learn to do it, and I think I was really tough on myself because of the way that I grew up: I have to be independent. I think that’s what pushed me all the time: I have to pass this, I have to do this. But you know also, the culture, they don’t ask girls to go work, to support their families, they don’t pressure them. Now it’s different, I’m talking about that time, now because life is so expensive they have to do it. They don’t have a choice. But in general, in Palestine, because we live like through a difficult life, I think that teaches us to always try and not to give up, really work hard, and always see that if you are here today, you cannot stop. That is how they taught us. That’s why now, with like my kids, I feel bad because I keep pressuring them. It’s not because I want too much pressure on them, but because that’s how I raised them. Why are they not doing it, which I know is wrong. I know it’s wrong, it’s a different environment and generation and all of that, but I feel that okay, if you have all of these resources, why are you not good. That’s what I keep telling them. It doesn’t make sense to me if you have an opportunity and you don’t take it. Like here at BU, whenever they offer me something, I would say yes. Even though I’m overwhelmed, I say, “my God, it’s an opportunity coming to me. Why would I say no to it.” But it reaches a point where you get so tired sometimes if you’re like, “no that’s it, I have to stop doing that.” That’s what I usually do, but I feel that you reach a certain point, and a certain age that, I don’t know, you have to come down. You have to live your life too.
How do you want to be remembered?
I just want to be remembered that I was honest in my work and humble. That’s it.
What’s your favorite part about BU?
Honestly I am so lucky to have the colleagues that I have here, especially the head of the Arabic program now. Her name is Professor Giselle Khoury. She helped me a lot, a lot. I can’t really thank her enough. So I’m really lucky to have, not just her, there are also others, they are super super nice to me. They are so helpful. Honestly, without their support, I wouldn’t survive the other responsibilities I have with the commute. You know, it is very important Andrew, when you work in this environment, that you feel loved and welcomed and appreciated also. Imagine that you are going into work every day, let’s say your boss hates you, it’s a nightmare, because I did it before. It’s a nightmare. It’s very very helpful when your boss is always encouraging you and supporting you. It really makes you grow faster even. It makes you love your job no matter how many difficulties you are facing. So that’s one of the good things, the environment is really healthy. In a way healthy among your colleagues.
What’s one thing you miss the most about home?
Of course my family, and honestly, I miss like before, Andrew, like whatever we had, we used to enjoy it way more than now. Even though now I have more things, but I don’t enjoy it that much. I don’t know why. I lost that thing. When you were little, like when I was little, with my brothers and sisters, if we had say a new dress, maybe in one or two years I get one new dress. Now, I almost buy clothes like every week or every month, but I don’t enjoy it. I don’t know what it was when we were young that makes us enjoy the little things that we were doing way more than now. That’s what I’m missing. You know what I’m saying? So I lost that moment, where I feel like oh my god, that’s so good or that’s so nice. I don’t know. Maybe that’s because now we see so many things in our life, that’s it, and it doesn’t have so much value. You know like a kid has a toy and another kid has ten toys. That one kid who has one toy maybe appreciates his one toy way more than that one kid who has ten toys. That’s how I see it, maybe that’s what’s happening. I don’t know, but now I miss like, when we were younger with my siblings, we used to have so much fun. Even though we fought, we used to have one bedroom for all of us, six of us in one bedroom, but it was the best time of my life. Really. It was so much fun. We used to play soccer that’s it.
