remember how utterly inescapable how i met your mother used to be with the memes and references and barney and bro code and wait for it... and then the finale was so hated it vanished overnight
The finale so successfully erased the show from public consciousness, that when people tried to come up with a name for the "extremely popular show with finale so bad that people just immediately stop talking about it" phenomenon, people called it... the Game of Thrones Effect. HIMYM got memoryholed so hard that people forgot it even existed
me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU
Eva sends a message to Erid to which she’ll never get a reply.
ao3
Dr. Grace,
You should know our efforts to farm taumoeba were wildly successful due to your excellent work at Tau Ceti. We were able to launch a probe to introduce them into Venus’s atmosphere only ten months after the arrival of the beetles. They appear to be thriving and the sun’s luminosity is increasing exponentially. We are not out of the woods—even when the sun reaches its full brightness, the repercussions of the climate crisis of the last two decades will be with us for generations, and we have lost millions, as we knew we would. But we will endure.
You were gracious to me in your message. I will not say “I told you so.” I will not apologize either. However, I will tell you I would not have chosen for things to go this way. I think that is the closest I can honestly come to remorse. My violation of you is the reason life on our planet will continue. I cannot regret that.
By the time you receive this, I will likely be dead. I have guaranteed myself the last word, and I will be responsible with it. Therefore, I will acknowledge that you almost certainly retain a certain amount of anger, hurt, and resentment toward me for betraying you. We were friends, I know. I didn’t intend that, but we were. I am sorry for that much. I am sorry that I slipped up and befriended you, however distant I was about it. It was selfish of me and it made things more painful for us both. I will not insult you with the details of my own suffering, but it has been significant and mostly foreseen and inevitable. I wish I had spared each of us from unnecessary anguish.
I will let the news reports and letters express the depths of Earth’s gratitude to you and your Eridian counterpart. They represent mine as well.
I don’t know whether returning to Earth is possible for you, or whether you want to. Frankly, I do not think I would wish it for you. You have been gone a long time, and I think the changes you would find would alarm and upset you. What’s more, Earth has made you into something of a living saint. It is, on the surface, a kinder treatment than others of us have received, but I suspect experiencing it in person would have its own sting.
I hope Erid is taking care of you, and that you are fed and healthy and content for the rest of your days, whatever you choose. You are constantly in my thoughts, for what that may be worth.
Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:
Screamed so loudly with such unbridled fury the one time he wasn’t sedated at the vet that he caused a little girl in the waiting room to burst into tears
Ripped an escape hole in the patio screen door in a single night
Snuck into the garage overnight where he managed to pull down his massive food bag from the top shelves, ripped it open and ate so much he couldn’t/wouldn’t move when we found him in the morning
Learned how to open the laundry cabinet to sleep on the clean towels
Learned how to open doors, thus allowing the dog to follow in after who then eats from the trash
Bats off anything on our windowsills that gets in the way of his sitting. Current succulent casualty count: 4
Thankfully cannot open the bedroom door due to rusty mechanisms, but managed to slip in one night when it wasn’t fully closed. Jumped down from my windowsill squarely onto my stomach, leaving me to bolt awake screaming from the blow and convinced I was under attack
Every Fourth of July I watch Independence Day and every Fourth of July I shout, “Come on, Boomer! You can do it!” to make sure that dog gets into that closet with Vivica A. Fox.
ellievsbear
baratheonpilled
snowghoul
2087
theartofmadeline
annaxmalina
titsay
