PAST LIFE BAGGAGE.

"The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." -- Albert Einstein Elise Hummel, twenty-four years old, manipulator ot time and space, so watch what you say around me-- I can literally make it so that you were never born. I give a new meaning to Doctor Who? and if you know what's best for yourself, you won't mention that terrible show in front of me. I'm a Disney Princess incarnate, I like hate-reading dystopian fiction, and there's about an 87.5% chance we'll get along just peachy. ♔ ♕ ♗ ♖ ♘ ♙ ♙

[hummelise-blog]

TEXT ♛ ASHLISE

Ashley: Yeah, but you know perfectly well that I'm not. At least let me threaten him. I feel like he's easier to threaten than the other one.

Ashley: When are we not talking about sex?

Ashley: We should cuddle tonight. I'll bring movies.

Elise: But what can you actually say, though? "Grrr, Kurt, you jerkface!! How dare you be mean to Elise even though she's been mean to you!! It's not her fault your parents have been lying to you for your entire lives!!!"

Elise: We always talk about sex.

Elise: Except when we talk about cuddles.

Elise: Ugh. Can't I just fastforward their aging until they know about me and who I really am?

[hummelise-blog]

TEXT ♛ ASHLISE

Ashley: Yeah, but you know perfectly well that I'm not. At least let me threaten him. I feel like he's easier to threaten than the other one.

Ashley: When are we not talking about sex?

Ashley: We should cuddle tonight. I'll bring movies.

Elise: There's nothing to threaten him about. "You jerk! How dare you not know that you're a triplet because your parents suck!!!"

Elise: Touché. We are never not talking about sex.

Elise: Except when we talk about cuddles, clearly! Back to the Future? Don't try and sneak a Doctor Who DVD in there. I am /on/ to you.

[hummelise-blog]

TEXT ♛ ASHLISE

Ashley: That's it. I'm doing it. Not for the sex. I mean, partially for the sex. Like, 30% for the sex.

Ashley: Maybe they would. You were close once.

Elise: Listen, I am a classy lady. You obviously have to defend my honor.

Elise: Are we still talking bout sex?

Elise: I don't know. It just seems so overrated. Everything is overrated. I hate everything.

[hummelise-blog]

TEXT ♛ ASHLISE

Ashley: Well, damn. That's trippy, dude. Do I have to be one of those girlfriends who's super protective and offers to kill him, or?

Ashley: Does he know? I mean, have you spoken to him or the Gloom King about it?

Elise: I mean you can and I would find that super hot and we'd probably finally get to round six on one night but like.

Elise: No, I haven't said a word. I haven't told Sulky.

Elise: It's not my place. They would never believe me.

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TEXT ♛ ASHLISE

Ashley: Of course, babe. What's on your mind?

Elise: I met Kurt today???

Elise: Well, not like I met him, because I have met him, but he happened to walk into Bath and Body Works in the middle of my shift (don't ask, I never needed to know that his favorite scent is Sensual Amber) and I rang him up and I just looked at him and thought, oh, hey, we're twins and you hate my guts.

Elise: It was a trip. Like, watching Across the Universe on acid trip. Like, New York to Bora Bora with six layovers trip.

[hummelise-blog]

TEXT ♛ ASHLISE

Elise: So, like, can I ask you about something?

Elise: This is kind of weird, I get it, and we don't have to talk about this, but I just... I don't even know.

[hummelise-blog]

tag: babe

[angerbaked-deactivated20180215]

Well, I’m sorry. Forgive me for wanting to make out and give you attention. Oh, is that what you’ve been doing? I wanna go, too. That book’s just a complete shame and should be burned immediately. Oh, hell yeah. I needed Ruby Rose in my life.

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How rude. So rude! You want to shower me in affection? God, Ash, stop being such a horrible person. I’ve been waiting for you to want to come with me. It’s ridiculous. It started out as fanfiction, that should tell you everything you need to know about it.

Uh oh. Should I abort this mission? Are you going to dump me for Ruby Rose? I mean, I wouldn’t blame you, but. 

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tag: babe

[angerbaked-deactivated20180215]

Doing what thing?

Sorry, not sorry.

[hummelise-blog]

You’re being extremely distracting. You should be ashamed of yourself. I’m currently trying to go back in time and make sure Fifty Shades of Grey was never written. I’m trying to push Orange is the New Black up a few years though. The world needed that shit in like, 2001.

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tag: babe

[angerbaked-deactivated20180215]

Well, I mean, I’m not saying I never do. Just sometimes. Oh, yeah. We totally agreed that Olivia Wilde can join our sexual adventures, that’s totally true. Man, please. There’s no reason I’d have to make you scared of me ever. Your entire self, huh? Sounds awesome. And I think I know where to start.

[hummelise-blog]

Oh boy. You’re-- doing the thing.

Aaaaaaaaaash. Why do you torture meeeeeeeee.

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tag: babe

[angerbaked-deactivated20180215]

Excuse me, I don’t always have orgies on the brain. I have you on the brain, and I’m not really into sharing, not sorry ‘bout it. I mean, I could camouflage myself so the demons don’t see me and then come up behind them and kill them. It’d be kind of like being a demon slayer. Vampires? Please. Those blood-suckers are scary. No thanks. I won’t be dealing with vampires. What…oh, god. So they’d hate you, then. I am. Also, my kisses have magic repellent-powers, just fyi.

[hummelise-blog]

You don’t? Why not?! I thought we agreed that if we ever met Olivia Wilde in real life and had the chance to have a threesome, it would be a done deal? Am I wrong? Was I drunk when we decided that? Listen, if I were a demon I’d be scared of you. Magic repellent powers? I am so into that. Like, we might have to make my entire self demon-free. What do ya think?

[hummelise-blog]

tag: babe

[angerbaked-deactivated20180215]

Okay, good. And I mean, three’s a crowd. Four’s an orgy. Something like that. That’s not what we’re talking about. What. Why on earth would you ever think about that? Jeez, man. I mean, I can just turn invisible and pop up wherever, and probably scare them before they can scare you. Maybe you should. Maybe we should cuddle for the night. So I can protect you, and stuff.

[hummelise-blog]

Three’s a crowd, four’s an orgy. I’ll keep that in mind. I mean, you’ve always got orgies on the brain so I’m not really that surprised by this. Can you change your superpower to like, demon killing? Like Buffy? Oh wait, she slayed vampires. I hate vampires, don’t you? Hmm... Something tells me demons are like that Mark alien on the Fairly Odd Parents and hate everything cute, fuzzy, and sparkly. You must be demon-repellant, then.

[hummelise-blog]

tag: babe

[angerbaked-deactivated20180215]

Once! It was during a football game and I was about to pass out, please. It was a moment of weakness. Please. Those shows are an unhealthy addiction. But yeah, door’s open for you. I’ll protect you from the demonic spirits. I’m scarier than them, anyways.

[hummelise-blog]

Okay, I guess I can allow this. As far as cheating goes, what’s that saying? Once is a mistake, twice is a habit, three times is planned? Or something? I don’t remember. Ugh, listen, I just look at the creepy places and think about being locked in a creepy place with the lights off for an entire night whilst trying to provoke demonic spirits into making themselves known and I just nope the fuck out of there. Maybe I should stay over so this way they don’t, you know, get me.

[hummelise-blog]

tag: babe

[angerbaked-deactivated20180215]

You totally are. Well, duh. The red kind is the only good kind, what do you take me for? Though, I will admit, I’ve cheated on red with blue once. But only once! Anyways. You should come over.

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You’ve cheated on red!? I’m not sure I can talk to you anymore. You know, I was going to ask you if I could come over. I made the mistake of binge-watching Ghost Adventures today and now I’m scared a demonic spirit is going to pop out of my wall and eat me. So yes. I think I will come over. 

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elise hummel + crushes

[akendrickdaily]

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tag: babe

[angerbaked-deactivated20180215]

Don’t be a hater, dude. You love my pet names.

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I am such a hater. I am like, the queen hater. I drank a gallon of Haterade for breakfast. The red kind. Because no other kind is worth drinking.

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tag: babe

[angerbaked-deactivated20180215]

What, babe?

[hummelise-blog]

Oh my god. How do I vote you off the island?