(1) hi b, can I be an inconvenience and unload some of my thoughts on you? ..I'm very much doubting myself right now about whether university is for me or not. I really struggle with keeping up with all the different courses and always procrastinates everything until the last second (and always hate myself and get depressed). so sometimes (like now) i wanna quit. but i always feel the pressure from society and my family that there's no other road to go but to university.
and I’m not even studying one of the “hard” educations that lead to a clear career path and a secure job. and i don’t have any particular hobbies that I can pursue that could lead me to some kind of career. i’m not the smartest person and i suck at being creative and i just don’t know what to do. and i can’t stop comparing myself to my brother, my friends, my cousins who are all doing so great in their respective fields.i’m kinda having a mental breakdown right now, i’m sorry. what are you doing? are you in uni? i’m supposed to hand in an exam in 8 hours (which isn’t gonna happen) so i’m sitting here crying instead. oh happy day. (i’ve followed you on all your accounts since before you started talking to heartwolf (so it’s been a while), and I’ve always loved how you talk to people and your thoughts on stuff, thank you for just being here on this website ♥)
anon! i’m so sorry i wasn’t able to reply until now. i hope you got through the night okay, and i’m even more sorry everything is so stressful for you right now. i really wish i could give you some solid advice but truth be told? i’m a school drop out myself, and it really isn’t the easiest thing to be, even if you had no choice (as for me, i would’ve literally been dead by now if i stayed in school... have ended up close to it every single time i’ve tried going back).
so as much as everyone wants to go all nicki minaj on you when it comes to staying in school, as someone who couldn’t do it i know how hard it is to hear all that and how tough it is when you try your best and still get so down on yourself when it feels like it’s never enough. you think you’ll feel better if you just try harder and then the anxiety and depression just digs its heels deeper into the ground over it all so you feel like you have to try even harder, and then you’re stuck in this neverending spiral of self-hate and stress. but i don’t know everything about your situation, and i’m not doing that well myself rn, so while i never mind listening (at all!) i don’t know if i have the right words of comfort, even if there are any?
just please know you are not alone. and you’re not worth any less, despite what everyone – including and probably especially yourself – try to make you believe. your worth is not in how productive you can be. that’s some hard stuff to truly believe in and god knows i still struggle with it too; it feels like there’s no place for you if you can’t do what ~everyone else~ is doing, and i do know the world we live in and that it’s not as easy as just go ‘well whatever’ and backflip out of school for the majority of the population.
i hope you have or can find someone to talk to in real life about it all, who you can go over options with. otherwise maybe try to do that yourself? write a pros and cons list of every available option you can think of. you can also try some smaller self-esteem/self-knowledge exercises if that’s your thing; here’s 7 tips for overcoming feelings of inadequacy and here’s some (very) simplified tips on how to find your purpose. i also answered an ask about studying some time ago here if that could be of any help.
and even if you can't believe it right now, i promise you that you are so strong and worth so much for just being you. that and taking care of yourself will always be the most important thing.
(also that *is* a really long time!!! thanks for putting up with me so many years omg <3<3<3)
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